


Running From The Past

by arrowtomyheart



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Harry is member of 5SOS, M/M, Missing Persons, Twitter, fake death, new identity, will see where this is going...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-03
Updated: 2014-08-13
Packaged: 2018-01-18 02:14:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 61,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1411204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arrowtomyheart/pseuds/arrowtomyheart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry Styles is a member of worlds famous boy band 5 Seconds Of Summer. He loves his life and being famous, but everything changes when all the fame gets too much and relationship with his management goes worse. He decides that there is nothing better he can do to get out of his "mess" everyone calls life than faking his own death. </p>
<p>Meanwhile Louis lives his silent life in Doncaster coaching local kids in football, until the day he have a new neighbor who seems weird?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> THIS IS FAKE DON'T GET ALL CRAZY!!
> 
> When It Is What It Is (update tomorrow) is done this will be my next one... xx
> 
> meet me at tumblr [arrow-to-my-heart](http://arrow-to-my-heart.tumblr.com/)

_Chapter 1: coming soon..._


	2. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ho Hi! i know it's been long...time, but thank you for checking this out and welcome back!   
> will try to update once a week, so every Tuesday, dunno yet how long this will be, but bare with me, yeah?  
> enjoy chapter 1! :)
> 
> let me know what ya think? maybe, i dunno.. x

Harrys’ POV.

__  


_Everyone remembers me as Harry Styles, the 1/5 of world’s most famous boy band 5 Seconds of Summer. But that have changed, because along with my death died my name and now I’m just Edward Stiles. I know I should have chosen something far from my actual name, but I did it on such a short notice of time that I went with my middle name and changed the last name up a bit, but it seems to work out alright. Nobody has found or recognized me yet._

_It’s been 5 years since I faked my death and now I’m back, but the thing is, that nobody knows I’m here or even alive._

_The main reason I did it was because my management, let’s put it nicely… wasn’t what I expected them to be! To say honestly I thought we had the best we ever could wish for, we could do whatever we wanted, fool around with other band mates, have real fun, have a word and choice in everything related to our music, style or even shows. But everything can’t be that perfect, you know, there is always a hidden rule written in between the lines somewhere in the contract or it’s just so unimportant you doesn’t even pay attention to it. Till the day I came out to them and told them that I’m well… into guys, of course I wouldn’t come out publicly, maybe just after all the fame would die down, cause I knew what that would do to us as a group and fans, even I know most of them would be supportive, I think, and you know what they did? They showed contract into my face and sent me on a date with that Swift kid. Great… heh. I couldn’t live like this, I wanted to get out because ever since I told them about it they made me feel like I’m wrong and they locked me out of everything, I felt like in the cage. Day after day I enjoyed performing less and less, because they always found a way how to ruin it for me, either it was by not letting to communicate with fans, and they didn’t even gave a shit what they wrote about me after that, or giving my solos away to Luke. Of course I couldn’t tell about my sexuality to anyone else, not even to my bandmates. I was in real cage. I wanted to get out, I couldn’t just leave, they won’t let me, so I became desperate and that was all I really dreamt of, to get away. So I did._

_I spent my last weekend with my mum Anne and my stepfather Robin. It was so hard to say them goodbye, at the moment I thought I couldn’t do this, it was breaking my heart. I made sure I told them I love them and sent what seemed like casual text to others, but they were my last words to them, I had to cry that night and think how far fame has brought me, to what crazy things I have to do to get out. In the morning with the first rays of sunlight I left, I drove different route, not the usual one, I headed for Manchester and drove my car into the river. I planned everything alone, because I couldn’t dare to trust anyone, from scratches on my car to broken window, it should have looked like accident and it did, everyone believed and I, for that moment, felt like can breathe again, I was saved, I saved myself. By the time they found my car I was already on the plane to Singapore._

_Why this place you would wonder? It has a lot of population as I knew it should and it's on the other end of the world, I needed big, huge even, city to get lost in between millions of faces and nobody would pay attention to me. I felt safe.  First few weeks I followed my "disappearance" and when I made sure they believe I’m lost forever I stopped, not because of what they talked, but I was so heartbroken to hear and see my friend and family’s sad faces, I was on the edge to call and tell I’m alright, but the minute I picked up the phone words "wrong " echoed in my head. I was wrong, my sexuality was wrong I couldn’t live with myself like that._

_But now I‘m back. Not exactly back so everyone can meet me, but I’m just back to UK. I finally accepted myself and erased my past and I’m here to start over again, be who I want to be, even if that means I’ll have to do it alone, without people who were there last 18 years of my life, but now I’m 23 and I haven’t felt better._

“You ready Haz?”

_And that’s Zayn. He knows who I am and I can say he is my only best friend. I met him in Singapore after a year living there. First year was about to hide and come to peace with myself and when I was ready to face the world again I met him. He worked at the local pub as a waiter. He didn’t recognize me, or if he did he didn’t question me, but as we became friends and a year later in our friendship I felt like I could trust him, and that’s when I told him about real me. He said that I reminded him someone from the very start, but he couldn’t put a finger on whom. He completely understood me, no judgment, as I knew he would. He knows everything about me and if I had to trust him with my life I would, I wouldn’t have to think about it for a second. All these past 4 years I know him, he’s been like a brother to me which I never had. And when I told him that I want to go back to UK he packed his bags and told me that he is coming with me, so he did and here we are. We found a house in Doncaster, South Yorkshire. It’s not as big as London where I didn’t want to go at all, but it’s good enough for me as a start and as the house is on the outskirt of the town it will be rather peaceful. If you wonder if I’m afraid that someone will recognize me I don’t. I have grown taller, became broader from the workouts and running. Have changed my style around and grown longer hair, I have become quite fond of headscarves and hats as well, but I never leave a home with a pair of sunglasses, just in case. I know I shouldn’t worry, but it just became a bad habit, like someone can’t leave a home without an important bracelet or ring or necklace, for me that’s sunglasses._

_From time to time I miss my old life, I miss performing the most. I don’t dare to do it now, even after 5 years my voice would be recognized straight away, no doubt, so I lock myself in from the world and sing on my own. Sometimes I log into my official twitter, I’m still surprised they didn’t ask them to delete me, just to see what fans write to me. It’s really strange how fans still message me, even though I’m gone for good and they know it, they still send me messages of “I miss you’s” and asking for the follow, which rather amazes me. Or what’s new with the band. They haven’t stopped performing and that’s a good thing. They are starting their own tour this year and I couldn’t be happier about them. But anyway, I have made a new account where I’m keeping myself away from direct camera, no pictures of just me where you clearly could recognize me, just views I have enjoyed and people seem to like them enough to follow me. I love to talk with people even if they don’t have a clue to whom they respond, it’s amazing feeling to be heard and understood, even if that’s people who you will never meet or don’t know what life they have._

“Yeah ‘m ready” Harry said picking up his bag from the baggage belt. He took a deep breath before following close to his friend Zayn out of the airport. As soon as they stepped through the airport door he unhooked his sunglasses from the front of his shirt and put them on. He knew he looked ridiculous wearing a hat and now the sunglasses, but he couldn’t give a damn what anyone would think.

“Car should be at the parking, right there” Zayn said pointing at the left side opposite the road. They started walking that direction when suddenly they heard thousands of screams. They weren’t just some accident related, but these kinds of screams Harry would recognize anywhere and anytime. Those were screaming fans. He looked at Zayn turning his head away from the direction of noise. Zayn looked past him for a moment taking in the sight. “Relax bro, there seems to be arriving some kind of band” he said clapping Harry on the shoulder.

“Take me out of here” Harry visibly sighed and felt relieved when Zayn motioned at the black Range Rover parked just across the lot.

As fast as the car was unlocked he took the passenger seat, he couldn’t trust himself to drive now. He thought that it would be easier, but the moment he heard those screams all he wanted to do was get back on that plane to Singapore. He smiled to himself at that. He really sounds pathetic, first day in UK and he already doubts himself. “It’s going to be alright” he assured himself and leaned forward to turn the radio on.

“You said something mate?” Zayn asked opening the door and taking the seat in front of the wheel.

“Just talking to myself” Harry answers with a soft smile.

Soon enough they get on the road, they have 3 hours ahead of them and they should arrive at the new house by 5 PM, well, that’s what the GPS of their car says. Though Harry knows very well, you can’t trust those things at all. Once back in the Singapore he decided to wonder, more likely explore the city. He supposedly needed to end up at the park, but instead he ended up in front of Recycling factory. Not what he expected though. It took him most of his day to find a way back to his apartment and since then he kept with him a town map, just in case something like that happens again. Out of this experience he wondered into pub where Zayn was working to ask for directions, as it turned out he took a wrong turn. Good he did though; he wouldn’t have met Zayn, his best mate.

“Have you been in Doncaster before?” Zayn asks swiftly switching the lanes on the highway, bringing Harry out of his thoughts.

“No, haven’t been there. Leeds is the closest I’ve been to that place. Went to a festival there… good times.” Harry responds smiling at the memory. He has been to Leeds Festival back in year 2011. He went there with his friends and former band mates. The first memory of that time what pops in his mind is sleeping in the tents; he still wonders how he could pull a muscle in his bum and of course partying for 3 days. It was great, all things considered, that’s the part he misses the most, memories like these where he was young and free, he didn’t know back then what kind of mess his life will turn into.

“Considering by your face it should have been” Zayn says with a smirk and Harry just hums in agreement.

They fall into comfortable silence after that, radio lowly playing in the background. It gives time for Harry to think, to just think what he is he going to do now, once he settles in his new home. Should he try and get some kind of job? He isn’t in the situation where he needs one anyway, because when he was still ‘Harry Styles’ he made sure to send quite the amount from his bank account to account which more likely to every other would look like charity donation, but it wasn’t, he had it planned all along. He couldn’t imagine himself spending his life in four walls though. It would give him the same old feeling, feeling that he so despises, feeling like a bird in the cage. Maybe he will make some new friends after all if he does do something, of course he would have to be super careful about that, but he isn’t the person he once was, that person is long gone, at least that’s what he tells to himself.

When they take the turn off of the highway Harry starts to feel nervous, maybe excited? He can’t quite decide on it, but he knows they are about to arrive. He can’t wait to get out of the car though. Over 3 hours on the road does it’s work on his back and his legs feel so stiff he hopes he can stand after getting out of the car.

Zayn reduces the speed and leans forward to press some buttons on the GPS device, it makes some kind of noise and screen of it goes black.

“Fuck!” Zayn exclaims roughly tapping at the device with his hand, they can’t afford to break it; the car isn’t theirs after all.

“What did you do?” Harry says running his hand through his unruly curls.

“Don’t know bro, this thing is ancient, shut off..” He says manoeuvring car on the narrow street between the houses. He stops on the side of the road and try’s the device again, it doesn’t respond though.

“Maybe we should ask someone where the house at?” Harry says looking around through the cars window, but the thing is, the streets are so deserted that he feels like they are the only ones out there.

“Probably you are right, let me know when you spot anyone” he answers with a laugh very aware of the situation.

After what feels like hours Harry finally spots a person coming down the street with a Tesco bag in his hand eating what seems like a nacho. They guy looks odd, sporting a jersey and sweats, with his blonde hair sticking up in all directions. He doesn’t seem like a person who would live here, this place Harry reminds of a street out of old movie, here he would expect to see more old people than the young guy approaching on the sidewalk.

“There is one” Harry lightly hits Zayn on the bicep to gain his attention, where he currently is looking down at the device. He lifts his gaze at the calling and spots the guy as well.

“Finally” he says and rolls down the window waiting for the guy to get closer. When he is within hearing range Harry pulls out his sunglasses and puts them on, he can’t be too sure he won’t get recognized. “Hey, mate” Zayn calls out at the stranger. He is about to take another bite off of his food when he hears the calling and he stops halfway with his mouth open. It’s really funny sight Harry thinks, for a moment he reminded him of a fish. They guy turns around looking for a caller, but doesn’t see one, when Zayn hits on the honk of the car he finally spots them and comes closer.

“Hey man” he says way too cheerfully with a thick accent. Harry knows right away that the guy is Irish. He been gone for 5 years, but surely that accent is no way to be confused with any other.

“Me and my mate are kind of lost here. Do you know where’s Headingley Close is?” Zayn asks the stranger and at the mention of the streets name his face splits into even wider grin.

“Sure man, ‘s straight forward and then take the right turn. Which house are you exactly looking for?” the guy asks looking through the window and past Zayn at Harry. Harry gives the stranger a small smile and turns his face away to look at the houses across the road. They all seem to look the same, he couldn’t imagine if he came here alone, he would get lost, not even getting to his new home.

“Kirk Sandall?” Zayn responds and it comes out more of a question.

“Aaaah…the old Barker house. Thought nobody’s ever gonna live there” the guy laughs and then abruptly stops, like remembering something. “Well yeah, it’s on that same street, the one with plants all over the front”.

“Cool mate, thanks” Zayn nods and is about to pull away, he reaches his hand out the window with a “My name’s Zayn, by the way”.

The stranger shakes his hand with an “I’m Niall, nice to meet ya”, now Niall grins and looks in Harrys direction again.

“That’s Edward, he isn’t much of a talker” Zayn smiles motioning at Harry, who leans over to Zayn’s side and shakes the guys, Nialls’, hand as well giving a small nod.

“Welcome to Doncaster then” Niall exclaims switching the bag in his hand once more, “place where football is big and population ‘s not” he adds laughing at his words.

Harry shares a look with Zayn at that and it seems like Zayn is considering which way to turn back and out of here.

“Thanks again mate, see you around!” Zayn says forcing a smile way too quickly and starts to pull away from the side of the road. When they are sure the guy is in a good distance he sighs in a relief. “That’s guy’s weird” he chuckles shaking his head.

“If everyone here is like him we might consider moving again” Harry smiles at the thought of everyone being so cheerful as the guy on street.

After few minutes they pull up the street where the house should be positioned. He scans every house for plants and realizes that every fucking one has them, smooth. “What the hell guy was thinking when said about the plants, all of them have it” he voices his thoughts out loud.

“I guess we just need to look for the one who has more than the others” Zayn smirks and points forward at one in particular. It really looks the same as the others, built of red bricks and grey roof. But this one stands out with the big driveway and some kind of bushes on the side of it, and the whole front is hanged off with all sizes of plants, they seem to have hanged on every possible spot. By the windows, garage door, the entrance and one seems to be left on the driveway itself.

“That’s the first thing I’m going to do, get rid of all these plants” Harry grumbles unfastening his seatbelt.

“But don’t they look nice?” Zayn says, a smile playing on his lips. He turns the engine of the car off and they site like that for a moment, just looking at the house.

“Well… let’s go then” Harry interrupts the silence and gets out of the car, Zayn follows him suit. He goes around to get his bag out of the trunk and spots a dandelion on the side of their so called lawn. He smiles reaching for his phone in the pocket and bends down to pick it up. “It’s not a time for gardening H- Ed” he hears Zayn saying. He turns around to face the street and captions it. He decides to tweet it, let his small bunch of followers know he has landed safely.

He smiles as first few retweets comes in, he is grateful really, that even if anonymously he can share such a moment with others as well. Harry turn around and faces Zayn again, who already gotten his bags out and is waiting for Harry. Only now, approaching Zayn, Harry sees the blue sign which is grown into the bush with ‘Kirk Sandall’ written on it. It slightly bent, but nothing they couldn’t fix.

“Looks like we weren’t wrong” Harry says motioning at the sign behind Zayn.

He turns around clearly seeing the sign now as well. “Seems so, let’s go inside then” he says picking up his bag from the ground and making his way to the front door, leaving Harry behind to get his own bag and lock the car.

Harry takes his bag from out of the trunk and after closing it he stops and just looks around. He wonders what kind of neighbours he has. He just hopes they aren’t some old annoying couple, which would be like the icing on the cake for this place.  When he is about to proceed his way to the now open door of the house he spots a head of a guy peeking in the window next to their house. He can’t really see if he is old or young, but the guy seems thinking that Harry can’t see him looking, hiding behind the day curtains, but he can. Harry lifts his hand and waves at the guy with a small smile and guy seems to notice that Harry can see him, when abruptly he closes the curtains and disappears from the view. “As further, as worse…” Harry mumbles taking his phone out once again and shaking his head types out the tweet.

 

Louis’ POV

“Fuck! Shit! Shit! Shit!” Louis curses, grabbing for a towel to try and extinguish the fire from his frying pan. All he wanted is have an egg for breakfast, he was tired to have coco puffs every morning, but now seeing that his attempt to fry an egg almost leads to burning kitchen, he doubts his decision. “Damn it!” he says holding the pan to inspect the egg. All what have remained of the egg is one long stain on the side of the pan. He sighs is frustration and pads over to the bin, opens it and tosses the pan in it. He will buy new one, just thinking about scrubbing that piece to get it clean gives him headache.

He settles for his usual breakfast and coco puffs it is. Grabbing the bowl on the way to cupboard he sets it on the table top and after filling it with cereal he picks it up and heads over to living room to watch TV. He doesn’t add milk, because he knows he don’t have any left, and that reminds him, again, that he needs to go shopping sometime soon.

That’s how he spends the most of his morning, curled up in front of TV in nothing but in his pyjamas. When he is about to watch news he hears his phone making a noise somewhere under him. He groans and turns and lifts himself up to reach the phone, which apparently is stuck between couch cushions. He brings it in front of his face and reads the message.

After responding he realises that he really is hungry and thanks everyone above for a friend like Niall, he couldn’t imagine to attempt to cook again after his morning disaster with eggs. He knows Niall since high school. They were the ones, who always made everyone laugh, a dream team, Louis would call them back then. If not Niall his high school years would be boring a hell, they always came up with the various pranks and on their prom night they brought a locked a bunch of chickens in their principal’s office. Nobody knows who did it, except the two boys, but everyone at the school talked about it for weeks after that, though few students approached them and asked if it was their idea, they always denied it. Better be safe than sorry, Louis would tell. He addresses his eyes on the screen again, where news is still running and currently they talk about some sort of boy band arriving back to UK for their European Tour. Louis isn’t really a fan of boy bands; he never liked them and never will. When he hears a sound of the car pulling up at the front, he thinks it may be Niall, but why would he drive if he lives few houses down the street?

“…5 Seconds of Summer has arrived in London today where they begin the European leg of their “Around The World” tour. An insider tells that the boys have a special surprise for the fans that still has been by their side last 5 years when said boy band tragically lost their 5th band member Harry Styles…” Is last thing he hears before getting off of the couch and exiting the room to have a look who have arrived.

He cautiously approaches the window and sees car parked on his neighbour’s driveway. Range Rover. Not Niall for sure. It’s been years since the old Barker couple moved away and since then the building have been empty, not even a sight that anyone would be willing to buy it. But here they are. Two young men gets out of the car, as far as Louis can see one looks a lot like a model, he doesn’t fit in here at all. He has black hair, sticking up in quiff. He is all sharp edges and looks too exotic to be form England. But the other guy is something completely different. Tall and broad, with curly hair sticking out from under the hat and childlike face. He can’t see him too well, because he is wearing sunglasses. “Who the fuck wears sunglasses and a hat at once?” Louis whispers and watches, hiding behind the curtain, how the guy in hat bends down and picks up the dandelion and takes picture of it? “You got to be kidding me” he says once again. He keeps watching the two men and he almost misses that he been caught on spying. The guy in the hat waves at him and Louis feels blush creeping up his neck, he blinks once, twice and finds the will power to move his feet away from the window. After few minutes he finds himself sprawled with his back against the door like a starfish. He hears a light knock on the door behind and for a minute he freezes. What if it’s them? What if they are some kind of fancy looking burglars? What if…

“Tommo, open the damn door!” comes Nialls’ voice from outside and Louis visibly breathes, turns around and unlocks the door to let his friend inside.

“Where the fuck were you!” Louis exclaims forcefully pulling Niall in by his this shirt.

“What got your knackers in a twist?” Niall laughs and follows Louis in the kitchen.

“I have new neighbours, have you seen them? They look strange to be living here. Nobody ever moves here!” Louis rambles on with his hands flying in all directions; he stops though when Niall starts to laugh, once again.

“Relax man. They seem like nice lads” He says and places his hands on Louis shoulders and squeezes them assuring.

“How do you know that? Do you know them?” Louis asks furrowing his eyebrows.

“On my way here I met them, they were looking for that house, seemed lost, so I gave ‘em directions” he says and grins.

Louis hums and takes a look inside of Niall Tesco bag. “I’m so hungry I could eat a horse!” he says pulling out of the bag plastic package with nachos in it. He lifts it up to his nose and breathes in the smell. “Welcome home” he whispers and looks over to Niall who stares at him like he is some mad man. “What?” he asks lifting an eyebrow.

“Noting man, you are just freakin’ weird, that’s all” Niall laughs and takes another package out of the bag.

“I’m hungry not weird…” Louis mumbles and takes out two plates for him and Niall.

They eat in the kitchen followed by a light banter about Louis upcoming football game. Around 10 PM Niall leaves Louis house and he takes a moment to look over at the old Barker’s house. All windows in the front are dark, but Louis can see on the second floor’s right side there is a blue light peeking through the closed windows, it seems like it’s from TV or computer screen. He doesn’t think about it much more though, so he says bye to his friend Niall and closes the door. He slowly walks upstairs, not even thinking that he should put the dirty plates in the dishwasher, gets in his bed and falls asleep thinking about weird hats and sunglasses.


	3. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HaLo :) it's Tuesdaaaaaaaay and chapter two is here ^^ wooot  
> enjoy the reading and sorry for mistakes if there are any...  
> and thank you my lovely sunshines for reading this and leaving kudos! thank you very very much *huggles*
> 
> let me know what ya think or say anything really or come meet me on tumblr? [arrow-to-my-heart](http://arrow-to-my-heart.tumblr.com/)
> 
> cheerios! :D

Louis’ POV

When Louis wakes up the next morning it’s earlier than he would expect. He is a heavy sleeper, always was, but today he surprises even himself. He reaches over to grab his phone off of the nightstand by his bed; it clearly shows 7:33 AM. He would definitely allow himself to fall back on the soft pillows and try to sleep till at least 10 o’clock, but he has a football practice with kids today and if he wants to be at his best, he have no other choice. He stretches like a cat, making his duvet tumble at the feet of his bed. It’s sunny today. He watches little sunrays peeking through the blinds in the room and making dust fly up from every surface they catch. Louis rubs his sleepy eyes and slowly rolls out of his bed in nothing but his pyjama pants; he discarded his shirt somewhat at the night, feeling too hot. He makes his way over to bathroom for a quick shower. He savours the warm water hitting his bare skin and in the moment he feels like every hit of the stream takes away an inch of his sleepiness. When he is done with the sower he steps out drying himself with the blue fluffy towel. He pulls on clean briefs and heads over in the room to dress in his football practice gear, which consists from black trousers which clings to his legs almost tightly, but not enough to make him feel uncomfortable, and black sweat shirt underneath his red t-shirt. He doesn’t bother with drying his hair, instead pulling over the damp hair his grey beanie.

He heads downstairs, before grabbing his phone off of the nightstand and sliding it in his pocket. He still hasn’t been to a store to get milk or bread, he have no other choice as to eat coco puffs once again, he can’t complain, he loves them, so he takes the box out of the cupboard and eats straight from it, hands getting sticky and brown from chocolate. He washes his hands after eating quite the amount and sets kettle for his morning tea. While he waits for the water to boil he takes a look outside, the new neighbours car is gone and that gives him a little hope that maybe they decided not to move here. But he isn’t that lucky, because the door of the house opens and outside steps the guy Louis remembers with a hat, but this time he isn’t wearing one and has no sunglasses either, he has his hair pulled away from his face in a tiny ponytail at the back of his head with some stray curls hanging lose, he should look ridiculous, but it kind of fits him. He is wearing grey sweatpants and white t-shirt which in the morning sunlight looks almost transparent and Louis can see the many tattoos the guy has on his left arm and his torso. The guy bends down and picks up the newspaper from the ground, takes a look around and disappears into the building.

The noise of whistling kettle starts him back into reality, he switches it off and pours hot water into his mug, before dropping inside the bag of his favourite Yorkshire’s tea. He sets the kettle back and brings the steaming mug to his nose, inhaling the smell of fresh tea. He takes the seat by the kitchen table and pulls out his phone to text Niall.

After that he puts his phone back into pocket and gets up to place his dirty mug into sink. The time on the microwave shows 8:39 AM, he takes the keys and heads for the outdoor. He decided to go in early, he knows that the kids will start to show up only around 9 AM and that will give him time to kick around a bit. He misses playing football. Misses the adrenaline he gets rushing through his blood whenever he was on the field, he wouldn’t change that feeling for anything else, if only. He played professionally most of his school and university years for the Doncaster’s team, but about year ago he got knee injury playing in the charity match. That match changed everything, he spent weeks healing his knee and after it healed he couldn’t play, he was too scared to play, every memory and feeling from that game coming back as soon as he stepped on the field,  so he left the team and volunteered to teach kids. It was safe, it was better.

As soon as he steps outside chill morning wind hits his face. From the indoor it seems like pleasant weather, but once he is outside it still feels little too cold despite it’s the end of April. 10 minutes after walking he sees the football field where he holds his practice. It belongs to Doncaster’s High School and they offered the grounds for training without even thinking. When Louis finally reaches the field he unlocks the gates and leaves them open for the kids to get in. He crosses the field and unlocks the small building where the football accessories and changing rooms are situated. He brings out two net bags with football balls and leaves them on the side lines for the practice. After putting his phone and keys on the bench he stretches for about 5 minutes and then pulls out a football ball and slowly kicks it around performing some simple feet drills.

Around 9 AM as he knew, some of the kids arrive at the field, cheerful and loud and always, trying to over shout each other.

“Good morning coach Tomlinson” the group of kids says in a cheer.

Louis stops the ball with his foot and turns to the kids. “Good morning kids” he greets back realising that he has run out of breath and feels the back of his sweatshirt clinging to his sweaty skin. “Keep moving, I’m waiting you all on the field” he says to the group and they rush to the changing rooms. Louis goes over to the side and takes few of the cones for the practice. He places three of them with few feet interval and the forth one about ten feet further. When he’s finished kids emerges from the changing rooms and stands in one line along the side lines. Louis approaches them and starts the lesson.

“Okay, today we will be learning short dribble and explosive dribble. It comes in handy when you get in tight position fighting for the way to goal. So what are you going to do is dribble the ball as quickly as possible through these three cones right here and then explode, run as fast as you can, to the forth one” Louis says motioning on the cones behind him. “I’ll give you an example” he says taking the ball with his feet and demonstrating the drill step by step. “But… make sure you keep the ball close and do this drill at pace” he adds after finishing the drill. He kicks the ball to one of the kids with the words “Off you go then”.

Louis stands on the side lines and watches his team practicing. “Keep up the pace Jerry” he says to one of the kids.

“Hey coach Tommo!” he hears Nialls voice and Louis turns his head to entrance of the field seeing Niall and Liam coming closer.

“Hey lads, you made it” Louis says with a grin to his friends when they are close enough.

“Of course we would” Liam says smiling as well and Niall runs past him straight to kids to get the ball.

Louis laughs as Niall steals the ball from one of the kids and runs further on the field. “Anyone who will steal the ball from Niall will be off to go without the last hours running” he shouts to the kids and they instantly stop the drills and runs to attack Niall, he cheers and runs away from the group of kids showing off his tricks.

“He is such a child” Louis laughs looking at the sight.

“He is” Liam agrees. “So how’s things?” Liam asks as soon as he has Louis attention.

“Same old, same old” Louis says clearly knowing what Liam means.

Liam shakes his head in thought. “You know there are a lot of-“ Liam starts, but gets interrupted with Louis already harsher tone.

“Liam, stop it. You know I’ve tried everything, you been there, you know it. I can’t fix it, nobody can and I’m happy now, why can’t you accept it? We had this same conversation already how many times...” Louis says exasperated and little mad at his friend.

Really, they had this conversation about million times. It’s always the same thing. Liam offering all kind of facilities and therapists to Louis, to get him back into playing the game he loves football, but it always ends up with the fight. Not because Louis don’t want to accept the help from his best friends, he does he really does accept it and appreciate his friends, but he already have tried it all. He’s been going to therapists and psychologists for weeks, months even, but nothing and nobody of them have yet helped him to overcome the fear he feels when he stapes on the field.

Of course right now, he is standing on one, but it’s different, he isn’t about to play in front of thousands, he isn’t going to be tackled to the ground by some player, he don’t have to think about that right now. All he does is teach these kids to be strong, to be ready and maybe not to give up like he did, even after the injury. And he is happy he really is, if this is how he has to spend the rest of his life, he is more than happy to do it even if the slight ache in his chest doesn’t leave.

“I’m sorry Louis, I don’t mean it like that” Liam says after a silent pause when they both watch Niall and kids on the field.

“I know Li, but you don’t have to keep reminding me of things I can’t do, things I can’t change” Louis says with a sigh.

“Okay, yeah, I’m sorry” Liam whispers looking at the ground.

They stay in silence for a while watching how Niall tricks the kids in yet another in his made up dribbles, but at some point on of the kids succeed to take a ball from him and at that the game ends. Niall high fives the kid and grins like a maniac when both of them come forward to approach Louis and Liam by the side lines.

“This kid ‘s good Tommo!” Niall says his arm draped around the kids shoulders.

Louis smiles, because he knows how good Tom is. If isn’t the best in his team. He kind of sees himself in him. “Tell me something I don’t know Ni” Louis says smiling at both of them. The boy blushes slightly from the words and looks at the ground. “Well Tom, as you have won the ball over you are free to go” he continues and before the boy gets too far Louis adds “And will you tell others they are free to go as well?”

The boy turns his head and nod at that. “Oh and Tom?” Louis calls again. “Great game today” he smiles and winks at the kid, he watches how Tom runs over to the team with a grin plastered on his face.

“So who’s ready for lunch?” Niall says “I’m feeling like I need some, did a lot of running out there” he grins, obvious.

“I have to close this thing up first,” Louis says and is already on the way to take the cones back to the side lines. “If you would help me with the balls…”Louis trails off.

“Yeah, sure” Liam says while Niall plops down on the bench with a thud and excuse that he is too tired to do anything.

20 minutes later everything is closed up and they begin their way to nearest cafeteria. It’s small but cozy, everyone there seems to know each other. When they enter it, it always smells like fresh coffee and muffins, though Louis much more prefers the tea, but it still smells nice enough to make they stomachs growl in hunger.

They take a seat in one of the booths by the window. It’s gotten cloudy now and big grey clouds covering the sky gives a feeling it will rain soon.

When they order their food Louis doesn't even know why he turns his head to look out the window and that’s when he sees a guy. Wearing a beanie; dressed in dark blue track suit and incredibly bright orange running shoes and of course, his usual sunglasses as no surprise. He runs along the old looking building. His cheeks and nose are slightly red suggesting that he’s been running already for a while. His plump lips look darker on the contrast of his skin than Louis would like to remember. He stops at the side of the road for traffic and runs across it and that’s when Louis realizes he is entering the cafeteria.

 

Harrys’ POV

When Harry woke up this morning he found himself alone at home with a note attached on the fridge form Zayn.

_Went to grocery shopping. This house doesn’t have a shit in it. See you later. Zayn –_ It read.

With a sigh Harry decided to go for a run. Running was a big part of him when he still lived in Singapore and since he’s back to UK why stop? So that’s what he does. He opens one of his suitcases still littered around the room; he wasn’t in the mood for packing out and if he will need something from there, he’ll just take it. He pulls out his dark blue track suit and the running shoes. They are bright orange and he notices there is another pair, bright yellow. He laughs at himself. What was he thinking? He decides on orange ones and definitely he will need to get some not so eye catching colours. That’s when he starts to wander what kind of stores here really are.

When he is ready he grabs his sunglasses which been laying on his side table by the bed and pulls over his curly hair a dark beanie. With one last look in the mirror he is out of the door.

He’s been running for a while now, enjoying the rush of his blood he feels from the activity. It feels good to just run and close off for a while, run with no destination. At one moment he ends up on the old looking street. With some small shops, bars and café’s scattered on the sides. This must be where all the life is, Harry thinks. He looks up at the grey sky clearly forecasting for a rain. He should really just turn and run back home, but he decides that there couldn’t be anything bad if he has a breakfast in the town and cafeteria across the street looks inviting enough.

He crosses the street and goes inside the cafeteria, instantly his nostrils fills with the smell of coffee and muffins. he haven’t realized how chill it was outside, but now when he enters the warm building, heat of it clings to his frozen cheeks and nose making him sniff.

When he is about to approach the counter to take his order he hears a familiar voice calling him.

“Hey Ed!”

He turns and sees that it’s the guy from yesterday. The too cheery Irish lad, Niall if he remembers correct. But this time he isn’t alone he is with two other men. Which, one of them are looking out the window with rosy cheeks and caramel hair and defined cheek bones, and the other one he can’t quite see, he has his back turned to Harry.

“Hey” Harry nods with a smile and waves at the Irish guy.

“Come join us” he says and Harry really doesn’t want, but he has no other choice, he better agrees than tries to explain why he can’t stay. He will eat something fast and get out of here.

He cautiously approaches the table and Irish grins wider. “This is Louis and Liam, me best mates” he motions on each of them and Harry shakes their respective hands introducing himself as well. Now when he has a better look at the guy who was facing him with is back he discovers that he likes him. His handshake is strong, but if he wouldn’t have those brown sensible eyes he would look frightening. He very much looks nearly like Harry himself all muscles and broad shoulders.

Louis, still has the rosy colour in his cheeks, Harry even thinks that it became darker when he approached. He never looks at Harry, that’s what he discovers and looks far too nervous than before.

“Liking the new house?” Niall asks taking a bite off of his muffin leaving chocolate stains on his mouth.

“Yeah, ‘s alright” Harry smiles answering.

“Louis lives in the house next you yours, Ow! What did you do that for?” He says and turns to look at Louis with a questioning stare, but still smile on his lips.

And now when Niall mentions it, Harry smiles himself as well, because clearly Louis was the guy he saw peeking out of the window when he arrived. That explains why he has been so fidgety with his cheeks flushing red. And Harry can’t help but laugh a little bit more making all three of them to advert their gazes on him.

“Sorry, but I might know why he did that” Harry says and watches as his cheeks flush again. He looks adorable really.

“And why did he?” This time Liam is the one who speaks.

“I might catch him spying on me the other day” Harry says feeling a little sorry for the guy.

 “Naah, that’s our Louis” Niall says and drapes his hand over his shoulders to pull him closer. He still hasn’t said a word.

“Where are you coming from Edward?” Liam suddenly asks before taking a sip from his cup.

“Well, I’ve grown up here in England, but last few years I’ve been living in Singapore” Harry says and swallows. He isn’t good at lying so he decided to say truth hoping he won’t press any further.

“I feel like I’ve seen you somewhere” he says and Harry doesn’t expect that.

“You-you…well, you- wouldn’t be first one to say that” Harry stutters faking a laugh and taking a sip from his cup. He is thankful that his cheeks are still red from the running.

“Listen lads! Greg got me tickets for some bands concert this weekend, we should go hang out. What ‘ya think Ed? You grab that friend of yours as well. Zayn, was it?” Niall almost shouts looking up from his phone with an excited grin.

“Yeah, Zayn,” Harry answers and he isn’t sure if he is ready for a public outing with people he don’t even really know. He is about to decline, but the thought about sitting at home on the weekend isn’t really pleasant and Zayn will be with him, so it wouldn’t be like he had to go alone. It couldn’t be that bad, right? Some local band, probably, playing at some dark, shitty bar. “Yeah, sure we will come, just let us know where?” Harry asks.

“’m not sure yet, but if you leave me your number I would send ‘ya dets?” Niall asks already sliding his phone over to Harry for him to type in his number. He doesn’t do that though, he types in Zayn’s’ number instead and slides it back.

“Don’t have new number yet, so I left Zayn’s if that’s ok?” he adds.

“No problem mate” Niall says taking the phone off of the table and sliding it back in his pocket.

Harry finishes his sandwich and tea and gets up from the table exchanging byes with all three of the boys. They agree to meet up some other time before the concert, for the rest to meet Zayn and Niall suggests they should meet up at his for pizza and game of FIFA, clearly saying that no one can beat him at which Louis smirks and rolls his eyes. Only now Harry notices his piercing blue eyes, he finds himself looking for far too long at him and with another awkward wave he leaves the table.

When he gets back on the street it’s raining and for once in his life he wishes he would have taken a car. That is, if he would have spare one though. So he runs, feeling his clothes soak with every rain drop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> see you next week? ;)


	4. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> halouuuu ;) Tuesday is here! \o/  
> enjoy the chappy 3, hope it's not too boring i can promise next one wont :D things start to get serious...
> 
> thank you as always for taking your time to read this <3 and the kudos <3 (i would add comments, but you peeps don't say much lol no pressure, i'm happy as it is :)
> 
> kk enjoy? :D

Louis’ POV

Later that evening when Louis gets home and goes to bed he is woken up around 4 am in the next morning, it’s still dark outside. He isn’t sure why he is lying in his bed and his eyes are open. What woke him? “Bam!” he hears. It’s the sound of something breaking. At first he thinks it’s a glass of his back door. Maybe burglars? He thinks. He crawls out of his bed, trying to avoid every spot he knows will make the spring’s squeak. He takes his shoe by the bed and slowly approaches his room’s door. When he opens them he peeks out into the dark. Nothing. He hears something shuffling downstairs and voices. Voices? How many are there? Because Louis doesn’t know if he could take on a fight more than one. Maybe he could just run. He’s been playing footie for years, just because he doesn’t play now, doesn’t mean he can’t overrun them all. He is still fast, nothing has taken that away.

When he gets downstairs he freezes. The sound is gone. He contemplates for a minute, which way to go? As soon as he starts walking to his back door, his mirror in the hallway catches and light and he stops. He turns around and slowly heads for the front door. When he looks out of the small window he drops his shoe and quietly laughs to himself. There is his new neighbour, the curly guy Edward, he is perched on the stairs at the front of his house and he is trying to reach the plant, which is hanging way too high, even for his stairs to reach. There is another plant lying on the ground in a small bunch of pieces. That should be the one he heard breaking. He opens the door and steps outside. He watches him for a moment and when he thinks it’s safe to talk he says.

“You know 4 in the morning isn’t the time for gardening”.

As soon as he turns his head to the side where Louis is the plant, he was reaching for, falls and breaks by the stairs. He looks down at it and sighs, climbing down the steps. “I guess” he says, cleaning his hands over the front of his black jeans when he steps off the stairs.

Louis winces at the sound of breaking flower pot and smiles. “You should try to be quieter too, you might just wake up whole neighbourhood” he says going closer with a smile.

“They just keep falling out of my hands, sorry, I didn’t meant to wake you” he says and taking the brush approaches the broken pot.

“I can’t decide if the pot was the one to wake me” Louis laughs. From the corners of his eyes he sees the guy eyeing him up and down, where he is bending down to collect the broken pieces his head turned to Louis. That’s when Louis realizes that he still having his pyjamas on. Old band t-shirt and long pants with turtles on them. He feels himself blush and is thankful it’s still too dark to see, the light on the ground making everything orange. “erm, right…” he mumbles and shifts uncomfortably under his stare.

Curly lad stands, turns away and takes the steps. He holds them up and brings in the garage. Now Louis is the one to stare. He watches his muscles harden and move under the white t-shirt while he carries the stairs, Louis catches his drool before it has escaped his mouth. He still stares thinking about how he would look without the shirt, sweat dripping over his body, lying… when he catches the guy looking at him in question.

“W-What?” Louis stutters, blushing deep red. The garage door is closed and Louis can’t recall seeing that.

“Did you want something?” the guy asks him.

“No-no not really, just the noise, yeah, the noise. O- okay goodnight” Louis rambles and laughs awkwardly, spins around heading for his house.

“Nice pyjamas” Louis hears him say with obvious smile and he squeezes his eyes shut before walking through his door and closing them.

When he is alone he breathes. What the hell is wrong with me? He thinks. I’m acting like some hormonal teenager. He sighs and decides its good time for tea to calm his nerves and body. While he sits and waits for his kettle to warm he takes in his pants. Turtles. Oh god. He smacks his palm against his forehead and shakes his head. He must have looked like complete weirdo. Enough he remembers Louis as a spying creep, now add his choice of clothing and staring to that. Unbelievable.

When his tea is ready he heads back upstairs, climbs in his bed with the cup and after drinking it he falls back asleep.

Harrys’ POV

“Nice pyjamas” Harry says and smirks. He would lie if he said Louis wasn’t… pretty. Yes, he is pretty, very pretty and beautiful. He was just right in every curve. If Harry wouldn’t be gay, he would become one just because of Louis. His pants are ridiculous though, covered in green turtles. But they make his bum look mouth-watering. That’s why he couldn’t stop his mouth from saying that out loud, watching as Louis went back to his house. Harry just hopes Louis won’t stop to wear them just because he told him they look nice. In a good way. Harry frowns, he would misunderstand that.

Anyway he came out here because of those stupid pots and because he couldn’t sleep. It was 3.30 am and he couldn’t sleep. The plant pot which was hanging outside of his window swung in the wind and its chain made an annoying sound which went through Harrys bones. He decided that he would better listen to dentist’s drill than that noise. He tried to close his eyes and will himself to sleep, but he couldn’t. He sighed and got out of bed. He had to make it stop. He picked up his discarded jeans and threw on a white t-shirt. He didn’t even bother to look if it was clean. It was dark outside anyway. He went downstairs and wondered where stairs should be. He would start with garage, if not; would have a look in basement.

He went inside of the garage, through the house and looked for stairs. They were hanging on the wall, next to their rented car. “It should be about the time to get one of their own though” he thought. He carefully took the stairs off the wall, but he wasn’t careful enough and while he was turning he slightly scratched the back of it. “Damn it” he cursed under his breath. When he pressed the garage door button they rolled up slowly with a creak and squeak. Harry thought they might fall down, but they didn’t. He completely forgot about the light. He set stairs on the ground under the first pot, which was hanging close to his window. He went back in the garage and looked for some kind of light. When he’s been looking for a moment he is about to give up, but he saw something like an oil lamp. He uses lighter from the car which he knew belonged to Zayn. He said he doesn’t smoke and Harry hasn’t seen him do, but he is sure he does when he goes for groceries or to fill up.

When he set the lamp on the ground it gave out a weak orange light, but it was enough to see where to put his feet. He climbed up to the first pot, swinging in the wind and making that horrible sound. He lifted it off the hook, holding it by its chains when one of it broke and pot fell, crashing into pieces on the ground.

Harry sighed shaking his head and stepped down from the stairs to clean up the mess. When he was about to take off the second one right next to his window Louis spoke and it fell out of his hands. Yet again.

Now he is gone inside of his house and Harry realizes he misses his company, as ridiculous as that may sound. He saw him ogling and if Louis thought that Harry didn’t notice his cheeks redden he was wrong. He clearly saw that.

He brushes the two piles of broken pots on the side of their driveway and goes back to sleep, finally hoping to do so without the pots making the annoying noise.

“Mornin H” Zayn says as soon as he enters the kitchen where Harry is making breakfast already. Scrambled eggs. Zayn should probably get used to calling him Edward or Ed, but as soon as he learned Harry’s real name he couldn’t switch back. It gets a little horrifying when they are out. Harry is always a little scared he would call him “Harry”, but to stop it from happening he simply goes with bro.

“Mornin” he mumbles back too concentrated to make his egg perfect, the way he likes.

“Will ya fry one for me too?” Zayn asks sitting down at the table. His eyes are still almost closed because of light. It’s difficult for him to wake up and Harry wonders how he managed to wake up this early.

“Ha! You wish Zayn. Maybe make one yourself and prove me your saying that you are better than me at cooking?” Harry says with a smirk turning around at the stove and eyeing the guy.

Zayn laughs and stands up. “I might as well do it” he pokes his tongue out playfully at that and grabs the eggs making his own scrambled one.

“You know mate…” Harry laughs and points at the egg Zayn is cooking. He places his own on the plate and brings another one for Zayn’s. When he is finished it looks too squishy, he should have cooked it longer, but Harry won’t be the one to tell him that. “It looks good, kind of” Harry says trying to hide the laugh with the coughing. “Hope you won’t mind if I let the society decide” he says pulling his phone out and taking the picture of both plates. He posts it on his twitter page.

“As long as they tell that I won, I don’t mind” Zayn says and grabbing his plate sits down at the table, pouring juice in his glass.

“Well…” Harry says taking his own plate as well while going through his twitter. “Looks like you did win” he adds with a smile, “but I have a feeling that they don’t exactly know which egg is mine, so…” he places phone back on the table and shows Zayn how almost every tweet he receives is with Zayn’s name. After showing him he picks up the phone and points with the camera to Zayn saying “pose for your fans” with a laugh. He tweets it as well.

“Oh god, they love you Zayn” Harry laughs at the ridiculous amount of retweets he gets of Zayn’s picture. He never got that many; he guesses seeing people faces they like more than some weird views and if it’s Zayn’s even better, he wouldn’t go and post his own for the sake of safety, he stays as much anonymous and he can.

“Oh by the way, I just remembered who woke me up” Zayn says stopping his hand halfway to his mouth with the food. Harry hums and he continues, “Niall messaged me, said they going to have that game of FIFA at noon, you up for it?”

“Sure, why not. They seem like fun lads, should be fun” Harry answers still going through his phone. “Do we need to bring anything?” he asks looking up at Zayn.

“No, Niall seem like a guy who has everything” Zayn laughs and stands to place his empty plate in the sink.

“Erm last night I scratched the car…” Harry trails off.

“You did what?” Zayn turns around abruptly asking.

“Calm down Zayn, it’s nothing big, just a little scratch, I bet you wouldn’t even notice it if I won’t show you” Harry laughs at Zayn face expresion. “I think it might be sign we need to get our own” he adds.

“So you can scratch it again?” Zayn asks. “But wait? Did you go out for a ride? I didn’t hear the engine last night…” he adds with a question.

“I was taking down the damn pots, woke me up at nearly 4,” Harry shrugs and stands to put his plate away too.

Zayn laughs, “I bet you did bro”.

“It’s not funny Zayn, okay I’m going for a shower, and then we can go over to Niall’s” Harry says over his shoulder walking out of the kitchen.

***

After an hour they finally ring a bell at Niall’s door. There is an old green Jeep in a driveway and that alone says they have arrived at the right address. Before they even get to knock on the door it swings open with very grinning Niall looking at them.

“Lads!” Niall cheers and motions for them to come in, “I was just looking where you are so long” he laughs again closing door behind.

“Hey Niall” Zayn greets back at the same time when Harry says “Hi”. “You said to come at noon, so here we are?” Zayn adds with a questioning look.

“Oi mate I did, but we been waiting for you guys already like an hour or so, keeping couches warm” Niall says and grins. “You can drop ya jackets somewhere here” he motions at hangers in hallway. Zayn and Harry do just that, they take off their jackets leaving Zayn in just a t-shirt and jeans, and Harry in big purple jumper accompanied with his usual black jeans. When they take off their boots they finally follow Niall further into the house.

When they enter room where Liam and Louis are already sitting on the couches with beer bottles in their hands and banter about some football team, Harry’s eyes instantly lands on Louis. He looks soft and little too cute for a guy wearing pink fluffy jumper. When he looks up Harry smiles and waves him with a Hi, the same doing to Liam, but he is quick enough to stand up and shake Harrys hand as well.

“This is Zayn, my best friend” Harry says motioning to dark haired boy next to him. “Liam, Louis…” he says to Zayn pointing to each of them.

“Hey, nice to meet you. Liam” Liam offers in a handshake.

“Hi, I’m Louis. Nice to meet you” says Louis with a smile and shakes Zayn’s hand as well.

“Hey, hey pleasure to meet you guys too” Zayn answers to both of them with a smile.

“Okay, time to kick some ass!” Niall shouts and plops down on the couch reaching for a bottle of beer and game controller. “Help yourself with beer lads” he adds setting the game up.

They split in two teams, Niall with Harry against Liam with Louis. Zayn just watches saying he isn’t any good at football or any games at all.

“Gotcha! You may be good on pitch but I’m better at this than you Tommo!” Niall shouts scoring yet another goal for his team.

“You didn’t let me warm up Ni, don’t celebrate yet” Louis huffs with concentrated frown on his forehead.

“Just admit it Louis,” Niall laughs frantically pressing the buttons on his controller.

“Never Ni, not going to give up without the fight. YES!!” Louis shouts as he finally scores.

“You distracted me” Niall sighs and everyone in the room laughs. “Your turn Ed,” he hands the controller to him. “Don’t let the team down” Niall adds with a laugh.

Harry sits down next to Louis, their thighs slightly brushing when they move. For a moment that’s all Harry can concentrate on, Louis heat next to him, but then there is a pat on his back from Zayn with “Good luck” and he is brought back into reality.

They play against each other, nobody scoring for a while and Niall cheering behind Harrys back. He gets to the point where he clearly can make goal, but at that one moment Harry chooses to quickly glance at Louis and he really shouldn’t have, because at that moment when Harry turns his head slightly he is biting down on his lower lip in concentration and Harry is gone. Next moment Louis is standing and shouting “Hell yeah!” and he knows he just lost it for his team. He hangs his head slowly shaking it at allowing himself to get that easy distracted. But he can’t explain it, it’s just a guy he never knew and since he met them, weird things happen. He feels it. It never had happened before.

He’s brought back from his thoughts again, Niall this time. “Don’t worry mate, next time we will kick his ass” Niall assures him clapping on the shoulder, obviously thinking that Harry can’t get over it, when clearly all he does is thinks about the man next to him.

“We should bring this out on the pitch Tommo, then we will see who is better” Niall laughs, this time talking to Louis.

Silence falls over the room like a thin blanket and when Harry looks up at the Louis in question he catches a sight of fear and hurt in his expression, which doesn’t make sense for Harry, when after a beat it’s replaced with loud laughter.

“You already know the answer to that, don’t you?” Louis answers still smiling and busies himself with taking another sip from his bottle.

Liam next to him fiddles awkwardly with his hoodie strings and doesn’t even lift his gaze off the table. All Harry feels is some kind of tension in the room, he glances back at Zayn and they share a questioning look. Harry shrugs and decides that even if he doesn’t know what made them to act so weird since the win that shouldn’t stop their fun afternoon, right?

“Maybe we could watch a movie?” Harry says and everyone addresses their stares at him.

“Yeah, why not,” Zayn adds “but I hope you guys like action not romantic stuff like erm E-Ed”.

“Heeey, I like action too” Harry adds with a pout and everyone laughs seeming to forget about the tension in the room.

“I think I might have a few, lemmie have a look” Niall says and crouches down by the TV to go through his collection. “Hangover or The Amazing Spiderman?” Niall asks after a minute and they decide on Hangover.

They take their respective spots around the room. Niall, Harry and Zayn on the couch, Liam in the armchair and Louis sitting on the ground by Liam’s feet.

10 minutes in to the movie Harry decides that he doesn’t like it, so instead he catches himself to glance at Louis, taking in every emotion on his face. He watches how his head falls back and eyes crinkle when he laughs when appropriate and it makes him laugh as well. He watches how he furrows his brow in confusion and makes disgusted face at some scenes Harry can’t see because he can’t tear his stare away. He feels like something pulls him deeper and deeper into that pretty man on the floor, who pulls on his pink jumper sleeves to hide his palms. The man, on which face just a moments ago he saw fear and hurt and it makes him want to know why. What could possibly scare him, he doesn’t know why, but he wants to protect him, wrap him up in fluffy pink blankets and hide from everyone who makes him feel hurt. He watches how he brings up his hand and brushes away his feather like fringe which fell into his eyes; he wonders how his skin would feel under his touch. Would it be rugged or smooth? Would it be as warm as the feeling he felt when they thighs touched? He wants to know, he wants to discover and when he feels like his hand is already reaching to touch him he feels someone nudge into his side with elbow.

He tears his stare away from Louis to look at Zayn who smirks at him and wiggles his eyebrows knowingly. Harry swats at him and rolls his eyes, because, yes, it’s ridiculous and he is acting ridiculous and funny. Ever since they moved here nothing’s been normal in their life. He pushes himself to watch at least the end of the movie after that, because he feels like he owns it to Niall after all. It’s boring, it’s way too boring for Harry though, even when he watched it he caught himself stealing glances over to Louis.

After the movie everyone decides to call it a night. They part their ways with goodbyes at Niall when he announces that the concert is next weekend and all of them should go. Liam takes the road opposite way from Harry’s, Zayn’s and Louis’ houses leaving all three of them to make their way home in silence and suppressed yawns. Soon enough they reach their homes and part ways there as well. Harry goes straight to bed, because he already can feel Zayn’s stare and it’s just a matter of time for him to bring earlier day’s events up. He isn’t ready for that yet, so he goes to sleep and he sleeps, dreaming of bright lights and familiar faces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you, thank you... see you next Tuesday!
> 
> meet me here if ya want: [arrow-to-my-heart](http://arrow-to-my-heart.tumblr.com/)
> 
> p.s i'm working on one shot, some idea i had stuck in my head for a while. coming up in next few days :)
> 
> toodles xx


	5. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haaaaaai! i'm super duper sorry for this being posted just today, but once in a while my life turns into mess and this thing happens. BUT next chappy is here and enjoy it? And the good news is that i'm one chappy ahead *pat me on my head* OOOKay back to reading...
> 
> as always big thank yous for the people who read this and leave kudos <3 THANK YOU IS FOR EVERYONE !!
> 
> xx

Harrys’ POV

Upcoming week Harry spent in a blur of more FIFA, running and overlooking some little jobs around the town. He still wanted to do something more than just sit home. Zayn had already found a job as a waiter in a pub nearby and that left Harry all alone almost every week. Zayn offered that he could get a spot for Harry at pub as well, but he refused, saying that would be too open for him and he didn’t fancy to work all day long with little breaks here and there.

All week Harry has found his mind drifting to his neighbour Louis as well. Not just once in a while, but quite often, especially when he lay in the bed before falling asleep. He kept thinking about those electric blue eyes that capture him every time he sees them, his thin lips and the way he talks and laughs at everything what isn’t even quite funny. It’s ridiculous really, because Harry haven’t even had a chance to really have a conversation with him, besides few words here and there while playing FIFA against each other and that night when he came outside when Harry accidentally dropped those pots. That night Harry wanted to invite him for a pint, just to get to know his neighbour, it felt like a good moment to do it and the words were already on the tip of his tongue ready to be spoken, but Harry was too scared to ask. He started to think about what it could mean. They would become friends obviously. But it would mean he would have to lie. Lie about where is he from and what he’s been doing in Singapore. He didn’t want that, he didn’t want to keep his life a secret and leave out the important bits. He is bad at lying; it makes him nervous and fidgety. Louis would tell right away there is something wrong and that would lead to many more questions and many more attempts to lie. So he didn’t. But despite that, Harry feels like every time he looks at him he sees something of himself. He just feels some strong connection between them that he feels like his body is dragging him his way, like two opposite magnets.

He trusts Zayn, but he can’t get himself to talk about that with him, though Zayn knows that there is something going on with Harry when he is near Louis and he doesn’t dare to ask, he must feel that it wouldn’t be easy for Harry to explain that yet.

Yesterday Harry found himself writing. He hasn’t sat down for years to write, all he ever did was playing back his old songs he performed with the band. But yesterday he found himself with a pen in his hand and papers scattered around him, just writing. It was like he went into some kind of trance and when he blinked back at the paper in front of him lyrics was there, staring back at him.

Today is Friday and today they are going to that gig Niall been blabbering all week on and on. He seems excited and his emotion in some weird way sticks to the rest of the guys as well. Harry is a little excited too, he hasn’t been at any kind of concerts for a long while and the best part of it all is that he doesn’t have to worry who would come with him. He thinks that maybe, finally he will be able enjoy the music without any sign of nervousness that someone could recognize him, be in the middle of something new and exciting, see what it’s like to look up to the stage not from it. Niall has got the VIP tickets though and he says that they will have a chance to meet the band backstage. He hasn’t told who are they, but judging from what Niall tells it should be some local band that’s quite popular around here.

He is sitting on the couch, going through his old twitter as he does sometimes, just to see what’s new, when there are a new mention of him and he accidentally taps on the notification, it opens up and the words in the tweet catches his eye:

It still hurts to see that there still are fans out there that even after 5 years misses him and tweets him. Words like these make him feel something heavy in his chest pulling him down, under. It gives him heartache and in moments like these he wishes to reply and assure them that he is alright, don’t worry, I am happy and you should be too. It gives him thought though. He copy’s the person’s username and logs off his old twitter switching back to new one. He doesn’t usually do this kind of stuff and he really shouldn’t because she clearly is a fan of the band he used to be a part of, but he doesn’t think twice before searching the person and following her. After that he goes and types out a tweet:

He knows it’s a huge risk he is taking, just following a random fan and sending out a tweet like that, but he had to do it, do something. Maybe later he will regret, but what harm would it do? If this fan saw a tweet he wrote, though he doesn’t think she would, there wouldn’t be any suspicion about that he is a live, not even a proof of that, it looks like a random tweet and nothing bad could come out of it. He just wanted to give her some kind of reassurance that he is happy like this, away from everyone what used to be his life.

He looks through some trends on twitter just as Zayn comes through the door. They are meeting at Niall’s and from there on taking a taxi to the venue the gig will be at. Harry is ready to go as he is. Wearing his usual black jeans with white tank underneath the light blue plaid shirt with rolled up sleeves and his orange beanie. He isn’t taking sunglasses with him though, because it will be dark outside by the time they get there and as he knows concert venues isn’t quite bright as well. He greets Zayn and watches him hurry upstairs to change out of his work clothes.

While he waits he receives a notification that the fan he followed not long ago has followed him back, he doesn’t give it a much thought though, because Zayn is already coming back downstairs and he slips his phone into the pocket. Harry grabs his jacket and joins Zayn by the door where they head over to Nialls’.

***

“Mate this is sick!” Zayn whistles and claps Niall on the shoulder after all five of them have got out of the cab. They are standing in front of club, big neon letters reading DSTRKT stands out above the entrance like a beacon in the dark, which is lined with crowd of people, and only thing what doesn’t let them in is armed bodyguards.

As far as Harry can see he doesn’t see the end of the never ending row with people. Some of them stand there in groups, some alone and quite few with cardboard posters. Must be fans, Harry thinks and it reminds him of the time when he was in the band. Wherever they went there always were hundreds of people outside lining up in front of the venues or clubs. They never seemed to stop, but this is different, because now, he kind of feels like one of them, he can see how’s that really like.

“Are we going to stand all that line?” Harry asks turning to Niall who just grins and starts walking to the entrance.

“Nah mate, I told ya I got Vip’s” Niall answers lifting tickets in the air to prove the point.

“It’s pretty sick mate, what was the band again?” Zayn asks following Niall next to Harrys’ side.

“They use to be locals ‘round ‘ere. Every year when they have tour at UK they come play here, cos this is where it started, the place is refurnished though, use to be bar called “5 suns” or something…” Niall says spinning around and grinning widely like a guide.

Harry stops in his tracks at the mention of the clubs old name.  Zayn sees it though and slowly pushes him to walk already knowing what the reason is. “W-what is the bands name?” Harry stutters, not really sure he wants to know the answer.

“5 Seconds of Summer mate!” Niall cheers and his eyes literally lights up at the name. “They are so cool, go lucky me brother Greg got me thickets, he knows ‘m big fan!” he continues on with a grin never leaving his face.

Harry pales. How could he be so stupid and not recognize the street. Yes, the bar clearly has changed from the outside and he would never know that this huge building in between the local flats could be 5 Suns, place where it all started, place where they got approached by some new talent agent which changed their lives completely. One day they were just a local band and the next he knows they were signed by Simon Cowell and his management. This is clearly some kind of karma biting Harry back. He never knew he would return to UK just to be friends with people like Niall and be brought back to start. He feels himself getting anxious, little sweat droplets decorate his forehead by the beanie and he brushes them away. It wasn’t good idea, Niall has the VIP tickets, and there is no way he can escape meeting his bandmates. Shit, he swears under his breath. He should have stayed home. As they approach the guards he drops his gaze to the ground, trying not to make any kind of eye contact with anyone.

“You okay Edward?” a little and warm hand lands on his lower back and he turns to see Louis with a questioning look.

“Y-Yeah ‘m fine” Harry says lowly and takes deep breath. It some way his hand on his back calms him and he have a time to think, think this through. He could stay and watch the band play, but as soon as they finish he could excuse himself for a bathroom or something and then just come back when band is gone. Millions of thoughts run through his mind and he can’t even catch a simplest one as they already approach the entrance with guards.

“Hey Paul mate, ‘m here with me friends. Come t’ see the band” Niall says to one of the guards giving him a hug. Niall always seems like a person who would know everyone.

“Greet Greg from me, will ya?” the guard says into Nialls shoulder and retrieves with a smile. He claps Niall once more on the back few times and lifts the red rope to let them all in. Harry has no other chance than to look and him with a forced smile and a nod in thanks. The guard maybe friendly, but his body muscles makes Harry swallow his fear and hold onto Zayn’s jacket as they enter the dimly lit club.

Soon enough Niall gets them though the crowd and to their VIP booth. It’s situated on the platform near the stage so they have to take few steps to get up on it. Concert is due for another 15 minutes and Harry decides to escape to the bathroom till it starts.

“I’m going to go to the loo lads, be back in a bit” Harry says dropping his jacket on the seat and leaving. He fights his way through the fans and patrons of the club, it’s really stuffed here, making harder to walk. Finally he reaches bathroom and he is more than happy it’s empty. He stands and hangs his head with closed eyes by the sink, in front of the mirror, gripping into the cold surface to recollect his thoughts. He tries to breathe deep and slow and not to think about what kind of mess today will turn into.

“Edward, are you okay?” Louis voice brings Harry back from his thoughts and he turns his head to look at the worried boy standing by the door.

“Y-yeah, I’m alright, just… not a fan of that many people” he tries to force a laugh, but it comes out more like a whine and Louis steps closer.

“You don’t look good at all; do you need water or something? Why didn’t you just tell us?” Louis asks scanning Harrys face for any answer.

“Niall seemed to be so happy to…” Harry starts and then he hears voices behind the bathroom door and freezes.

“We could be like scouts and give out cookies!”..

“It’s so rock and roll man, we give cookies and they come to our camping group…”

He recognizes them right away, even after 5 years they still sound the same. It’s voices of Michael and Ashton and they are about to enter the bathroom where Harry is standing frozen with terrified expression on his face.

“Edward?” Louis questions and Harry drops his terrified gaze from bathroom door to his electric blue eyes, they look even brighter in the fluorescent light shining from the ceiling and now Louis all he can think about.

LouisLouisLouisLouis. He keeps telling in his mind, he can’t come up with anything else, it’s like his brain stopped working and then he speaks it out loud “Louis…” he says it one more time and closes the distance between them. Harry slams his lips against Louis just in time when the bathroom door opens and both boys come inside. Louis gasps in surprise and Harry uses the moment to deepen the kiss, by pulling him closer.

Mike whistles and stage whispers “looks like someone’s party started without us Ash”.

Ashton laughs, “Turn around dork, let’s find another bathroom” he says and both of them exit the room.

Louis’ POV

It’s quiet in the bathroom, but Louis feels like his heart beat fills the room. He clearly can hear it pounding against his chest with hard thumps and Edward. Edward is kissing him. Slow, but passionate, exploring Louis mouth and dragging over his teeth with tongue. He recollects his thoughts and brings up his hands, which were holding onto Edwards shirt, to his face and he slowly pulls back blinking up at him in surprise.

“Edward?” he questions him again and for a moment he swears he sees fear flash in his green orbs, before it’s replaced with confusion.

“S-sorry” he whispers still holding Louis face in both hands, staring back at him.

Louis steps back one step, “What was that Edward? One moment you act all hysterical and the next you kiss me and now you are sorry? For what!” he asks, confusion clear in his voice.

He stares at Edward who just hangs his head and slowly shakes it making some of the curls bounce. When Louis is about to give up to hear an answer from him he finally speaks.

“I-I can’t explain this Louis, I’m sorry, I can’t” he says and with that Louis is left in the bathroom alone. He is much more confused as he was when he entered it to look for Edward, he clearly saw that with him wasn’t something right, he seemed off, maybe even scared and he just wanted to see if he is alright. He never would expect to enter the bathroom just to be kissed by Edward, as crazy as it sounds, but Louis catches himself tracing his fingertips over his lips, catching the sill lingering feeling from Edwards’s lips on his.

He approaches the bathroom and washes his face, fixing his fringe. He hears a roar of voices outside and that’s a queue the show is about to start.

When he gets back at the booth Edward is already there, clearly having a deep conversation with Zayn and having a drink. He doesn’t even look up at the Louis as he approach and sit down between Niall and Liam, forcibly taking away the pint from Liam and drinking half in one go. When Liam gives him questioning look he just shrugs and turns to the stage to watch the band play.

They are good, really good Louis must admit, but he can’t enjoy the show as much as he would like to. One thought never leaving his mind, why? Couple of times he catches himself looking over at him and Edwards’s worried expression is back. He is clutching his phone where his knuckles are almost white from how tight he is holding it and Louis doesn’t know what to make out of it. Clearly Edward wasn’t happy about being here, but what if behind all that is something else? What if something happened to his family or… Family, right. The thing is Louis, not even any of his friends; know nothing about him not if he has any family here? All they know is where he lives and from where he moved here, that’s all. He is a mystery, that man with piercing green eyes and dark curly hair is a complete mystery. It drags Louis in more and more, he wants to know why and what happened in that bathroom between them, but for now he will keep watching the show and enjoying the night out with his friends. Is Edward his friend?

After almost 2 hours of constant sitting and cheering at the band Louis feels like he needs to stretch his legs. The show is over and Niall can’t stop blabbering about the band. They will come over at theirs and Niall is above excited. He reminds of a fan girl, all he misses is poster and drawn face or t-shirt with bands name on it.

Louis stands and decides to go for a little walk till the bar and back, at least grabbing another beer for himself and Liam, because, well, since he drank Liam’s Louis can swear he’s been pouting ever since. He goes and leaves everyone still seated at the booth.

After 15 minutes of fighting his way over to the bar and back he sets both pints down and notices there are only Liam and Zayn left talking at the table.

“Where’s everyone?” Louis asks sitting down next to the Liam and sliding him his pint, he lights up on that.

“Niall went to see the band; they’re joining us in a minute” Liam responds sipping on his beer.

“Edward?” Louis asks to nobody in particular.

“He went to the restroom” Zayn answers and Louis nods.

He slowly sips on his beer listening to Zayn’s and Liam’s quiet banter in the background of his thoughts, when his gaze drops at the space where Edward sat and his jacket is gone and Louis is sure that when he left the table, 15 minutes ago for beers, was the last time he saw him that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> see you tuesday! :))
> 
> aah the [tumblr](http://arrow-to-my-heart.tumblr.com/)


	6. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tadaaaaaa! Next chappy up and away :D  
> as always enjoy and this one is a little different, i squeezed a bit of Ziall in there (requested by in_defence_of_our_dreams), but that's not last time i pin them in ;)
> 
> Thank youuuu for Kudos! omg you make me happy xx  
> done with the blabbering lets read some fan fic.

Harrys’ POV

It’s light outside and he’s been laying in the bed for a while now. He can’t get himself to get out of bed, because he still can’t wrap his mind round yesterday. His entire plan to stay away almost went down the drain. It had to be the band he was once part off. If Louis wouldn’t be there, he would still be standing at that damn sink and Ashton with Mike would see him. “Shit” Harry groans and rolls on his side. He can’t forget what it was like to kiss Louis, finally taste and feel his lips, his thin, soft lips. He’s been dreaming about them for days now, all the time catching himself staring at them how they for words. Damn him for being into this too deep.

But Louis hurt expression wounded Harry. He couldn’t just go and tell him why he did it, though he could just say that he likes him, but that would unwind more and more questions and Harry doesn’t want that, he doesn’t like questions and more than that he dreads the answers.

He grabs his phone off of the table by his bed and decides to just take his mind off of yesterday. Al usual he goes on twitter, it always brings his mood up, he scrolls past his time line and checks the trends. He sees that his old name is trending and he clicks on _Harry Styles._ There are full page of his old images and fans tweeting stuff like they always do, but then one image catches his attention, because that’s him from yesterday. He clicks on the image and it brings him over to account where it’s tweeted from.

That’s him and Harry repeats “no,no,no,no” under his breath. He frantically scrolls through other similar tweets until the one who seems to calm him down a little.

Harry breathes, because clearly there are fans who think it’s not him. There are more and more pictures of him when he wasn’t missing compared with the ones they use to prove a point that it’s not indeed him. Harry is just happy that those persons who photographed him did it from side view and as he has grown longer hair nobody would recognize him well enough. After few minutes another tweet form the same fan comes up and Harry literally crosses his fingers and hopes this shit of a morning storm will run over soon.

He logs off all together and tosses his phone away, it falls on the floor and he doesn’t even bother to see if it broke. He decides that today he rather stay at home, do nothing, but stay in bed and watch TV. He doesn’t feel like facing world today after morning like that. He falls back on the pillows and sleeps.

Zayn’s POV

There isn’t anything better than cigarette in the morning. He sits on the cold threshold surface with his coffee long forgotten cold, his pyjama pants too thin to hold cold away. He has his leather jacket draped over his shoulders and joint in his hand. He watches the white smoke reaching up into the air. He lifts it to his mouth and inhales the sour tobacco. He holds it for a minute in his lungs, enjoying the burning it makes in his throat and slowly exhales, making grey cloud of smoke surround him. He never has smoked in front of Harry, but he surely knows that Harry knows. There are always lighter in the car and it couldn’t mean anything else, unless Zayn would be into burning everything that moves, which is not.

He has another 45 minutes till he needs to get off the threshold and go to work. This pub reminds him of Singapore. He misses Singapore, but he couldn’t let Harry come back alone. He is like brother to Zayn which he never had. There was no question why, where or maybe you shouldn’t. Clearly Harry’s mind was set to return and they did. Zayn would never expect to end up here though. With certain blonde haired guy saving them from being lost in this small, yet maze alike town. It’s like; if you take one wrong turn you’ll end up where you shouldn’t. That’s how life works as well, right? Every event has its own outcome, one wrong decision and it could change your life completely.

That’s what it did for Zayn.

He extinguishes his cigarette against the cold threshold and stands, throwing it away. He lifts his hands above and stretches, he’s been sitting like that for a while. He enters the house and notices that Harry, who would always be up around this time already cooking breakfast for himself, isn’t here yet and that’s…interesting. He doesn’t give a much thought about it, because Harry could be “busy” Zayn states in his mind and smirks. He isn’t too blind to see that there is something going on with Harry and Louis or maybe there isn’t and Harry is just…well, Harry, but if Harry thinks it’s just one sided, he must be fooling himself, because whenever Harry isn’t looking at Louis, Louis is watching him. Sometimes it gets funny, it’s better to watch than talk about it, because there aren’t words to explain that foolish game they play with each other.

Zayn heads upstairs to his room to get ready. He showers as every morning and changes into clean clothes. He stands in front of the mirror to style his hair and thinks that maybe it would be about the time to get rid from his blonde streak. He’s had it for years now, he is at new place and that would mean that he should get something new about himself as well. That’s what he decides to do on his coffee break at the pub. He'll go and try out his luck at that creepy looking hairdresser salon across the street.

When Zayn finally is ready and to leave house he notices that he still haven't seen Harry out if his room, that’s strange, he thinks and makes his way to Harry’s bedroom door. He knocks lightly on it with his knuckles and hears a deep groan, he takes that as a sign that he is allowed in, but he just opens doors a little and peeks his head inside.

"You alright Haz?" He asks noticing that Harry is still under the blankets hiding from sunlight in his room, his phone lies broken next to it.

"Yeah" Harry groans somewhere under his mountain of blankets.

"You don’t sound alright, what happened?" Zayn asks ready to call in sick if Harry needs him here.

"Nothing, go to work Zayn, I’ll tell you when you get back" Harry says removing blankets from his head and looking up to see Zayn.

"Okay, I’ll keep you to that" Zayn says with a smirk trying to force out a smile from Harry, but it doesn't work, hmm strange.

He closes door behind him and faintly hears Harry sighing loudly. He hopes it's nothing too serious, though that wouldn’t explain why his phone screen was broken, maybe Zayn is getting too deep into this thinking and needs to chill a bit, he probably just dropped it accidentally, that would explain why it was next to the bed. But then again, yesterday Harry told everyone that he is going to the loo, but he never came back. He never had lied to Zayn, why he did this time?

Last night though, that was something he would never forget. The band was sick and imagining that Harry, his best friend, even brother, could have been with them on that stage, singing for everyone, felt unreal. The crowd was just sick, they clearly loved them. Zayn is a fan now, he really is.

Later that night Niall came back with the band and Zayn found out that they are really fun and cool guys. They aren’t that pretentious as some bands Zayn came across in Singapore. They were really nice lads; he could definitely imagine Harry in band like that. He got to know them a little personally, off the stage and at one point they even pointed out that they wouldn't be where they are if not of Harry. After they found out that Harry is missing they were heartbroken. They were about to give up on the continuing the band and performing, but Luke was the one who kind of kicked them back into reality and said that Harry would want them to continue, so they did. Every new song was written with Harry in their minds and every time they received yet another award they silently thanked him, from watching over them from above. Zayn could see moisture in boys eyes while telling the story, he cloud tell they still struggle with realisation that he is gone. This is what Zayn has to tell Harry, because he feels like Harry should know about this. He didn't tell in much detail what happened on his last days when he was in the band, but Zayn feels like Harry should know this.

Zayn slowly walks along the houses just enjoying the chill morning air. He didn't drive this time, knowing he won’t be home late, like most of the days, this one is short one and he wouldn't have to wonder the streets home in the dark.

"Watch out!" Someone shouts and Zayn doesn't know what to do. Which way to run off the sidewalk or bend or whatever, so he just spins in confusion to the direction where voice comes from.

"Oh hey" Zayn shouts back and waves noticing that the guy was Niall.

"You better..." Niall starts and doesn't finish, because the sprinklers on the grass goes off and wets Zayn’s front, making cold water drip from his hair. Niall just laughs, as always and approaches Zayn escaping the water.

"Great" Zayn grumbles, he has to be at work and he is wet, how great.

"Sorry man, I tried to warn you" Niall says still laughing.

"It's not even funny, I was on my way to work" Zayn says brushing water droplets way from his face.

"Oh shit, well, I can land you a dry t-shirt or something” Niall offers grinning.

“Well, I doubt I have enough time to run back home, so yeah I’ll accept the offer” Zayn answers smiling and follows carefully after Niall. “Don’t know why, but I have the feeling I’m not the first one who gets attacked by your sprinklers” Zayn says halfway till the house.

“Honestly mate, you are” Niall laughs. “Nobody has crossed my path this early for years and back then I didn’t even had them” he adds glancing over his shoulder.

“But why would you place them next to the sidewalk? Like. Who the fuck does that” Zayn mocks him giving a light punch on his shoulder.

“I do that” Niall grins. “Don’t know if you have noticed, but this is England, mate, everything here is different” he says taking the few steps and opening the door to his house.

“I start to learn that” Zayn smirks and follows Niall inside.

“Just a sec, I’ll get you that t-shirt” Niall shouts after running up the stairs.

Zayn uses the moment to proceed further into his house. He tries to fix his hair a little bit from the water he got on them as well, but at the end he gives up and just brushes his hand through, what once was quiff, and lets them fall back. He stops at the living room and takes off his shirt, just standing there shirtless and waiting for Niall to bring something dry, he just hopes it isn’t something green that would bring up a lot of questions, because he never has worn anything besides black, white or grey.

The next moment Niall comes down the stairs and he is holding what seems like dark blue sweater not t-shirt.

“Sorry mate, tried to grab something that wasn’t green and ended up with this” Niall grins throwing a sweater to Zayn.

“This will work as well” Zayn says holding it in front of him inspecting the clothing. It has _Stay Real_ writing across the chest on it and number 10. He already has his head inside the sweater, ready to pull it down when hand touches his left hip, just above the waistband of his black jeans and he stops.

“That’s so cool” Niall says in awe.

“What?” Zayn asks pulling his head through the head hole in Niall’s sweater, looking at him in confusion.

“The tattoo” Niall says, pointing at the gun tattoo Zayn has there.

“Ooh, that one” Zayn says noticing. “It’s not a real gun though” Zayn adds with a shrug, still holding the sweater upright, his naked torso on full display.

“Isn’t it? It’s still cool though, when did you get it?” Niall asks looking up and letting his gaze to scan the rest of Zayn’s torso.

“No, it has no end on it, it’s like a water gun, have it few years already” Zayn says looking down at his tattoo.

“I like tattoos, but don’t have any on meself” Niall says, eyes still lingering on Zayn’s body.

Zayn hums and they stand for a moment in silence, Niall still admiring his tattoos when Zayn comes out of the daze. “Oh shit” he drops the sweater, letting it cover and hang loosely on his shoulders, realizing that he has work. “Sorry mate, thank you for the sweater, I’ll bring it back to ‘ya” he says rushing to the door.

“No problem, you can keep it if you like” Niall grins and walks after Zayn till the door.

“Thanks again, see ‘ya!” Zayn shouts and runs across the lawn, escaping the sprinklers this time. He sends one last look with appreciative smile to Niall and rushes down the street to work.

Louis’ POV

“What do you guys want?” Louis offers letting Liam and Niall through his door and approaching the fridge. They’ve decided to come over at Louis’ and watch the World Cup together. Every year they’ve been going over at Niall’s, but his decoder messed up and it doesn’t show the channel where they stream the game live.

“Bring me beer will ‘ya” Niall says plopping down on the couch and switching on the TV. He goes to take off his jacket and drops it next to him on the armrest.

“Of course, let me bring it over to you” Louis says faking disappointment.

“I’ll help you” Liam offers and rushes to look for something to pour in crisps.

“Thanks Li” Louis says and pulls out the pack of beers he was holding in his fridge just for this occasion.

When everything is set Louis and Liam joins Niall on the couch, the game is about to start, England against Italy, Louis crosses his fingers for England of course. The game starts and Niall leans forward to grab a handful of crisps and that’s when Louis notices what he is wearing.

“What’s that Ni? What are you wearing?” Louis asks him, scanning his white, too tight t-shirt.

“What is what? Haven’t you seen a t-shirt?” Niall mocks him, but then he looks down at himself and his eyes goes wide for a moment, he looks up with flush on his cheeks, Louis and Liam looking at him in question.

“So? Have something to tell us?” Louis asks raising one eyebrow and Liam giggles besides him.

“I probably washed this on too high temperature” Niall lies. “Game starts, can’t miss a minute” Niall says too loud and points at the screen taking attention away from himself.

They leave him at that and proceed to watch the game. Louis feels Niall besides him taking a relieved breath and wonders, what was that about.

When the first half of the game is over, it’s 1-1 and Louis hopes that in next half England will score again and win. He stands up and goes to refill the crisp bowl, Liam standing as well to bring the rest of beer. There is today’s newspaper on the kitchen counter and Louis stops to look through it, he hasn’t looked through it today, so he uses the break for it. Liam joins him and they skip it through together.

“Hey lads, look at this” Niall says from the couch where he is sitting. He stands and comes over to Liam and Louis who are looking through newspaper’s football slot.  

“What is it? Why they bring this shit up again?” Louis asks frowning at the tweet.

As Niall taps on the link to open up Sugarscape’s page his phone goes dead and he sighs, “Damn it, phone’s dead”.

“Probably was the same shit as last year” Louis says flipping the next page.

“It’s all about money guys; all about money they got from rumours like that” Liam voices grabbing an apple from fruit bowl next to him.

Niall just shrugs and goes back to sit on the couch, the game is about to proceed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woooo! hope it was okay, i got it done pretty fast so forgive me for my mistakes, though i always try to read them through.  
> See you next Tuesdaaay :))
> 
> comments and kudos appreciated! after all i do this, because i love ya guys x
> 
> you know where to find me, js. ;)


	7. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiiiiiiiii! it's me again :))  
> Chapter 6 is here, it seems a little short, but i had to squeeze it in as it's very, very important for the following chappys ^^  
> things happen for a reason ;)  
> as always thank you my sunshine's for leaving comments and kudos, you really bring a smile on my face.
> 
> what else i can add? Enjoy.. :)

Louis’ POV

“What’s going on Li?” Louis asks as soon as he enters Liam’s house through the front door. He is pacing back and forth in his living room, deep frown set on his face and eyes cast downwards. He looks almost nervous and Louis hasn’t seen him like this for years. Last time was about 3 years ago when Liam was about to propose to Sophia, though he was in worse condition than now, Louis’ thought he was about to go into heart seizure.

But now, he is a little less nervous, maybe not on the level of heart seizure, but close. Louis came down to his house in a rush as soon as he received the message from Liam about something being urgent and no time to explain through the phone, so Louis is here, still in his pyjamas, morning breath and hair sticking up in all directions. If Liam texts him at 7 am in the morning it have to be something serious.

“Something isn’t right-“ Liam says still pacing back and forth, shaking his head.

“What isn’t right?” Louis asks and approaches his friend. He extends his arms and stops Liam from pacing; if he would walk more Louis probably would get dizzy. He holds Liam by the shoulders and turns him to face him; Liam’s brows are furrowed, his face showing confusion. They might be confused by different things, Louis thinks. “Liam, I literally ran all the way here, tell me what’s going on?” Louis asks again.

“Something isn’t right-“ Liam starts.

“You told this already, just cut to the case Li” Louis says squeezing his shoulders.

“No, something isn’t right-“ Liam starts again. Louis rolls his eyes and is about to talk, but Liam continues, “No, Louis, listen. Something isn’t right with Sophia.”

“What do you mean, isn’t right?” Louis asks carefully.

“I don’t know she is acting weird Louis, what if she is sick? What if she has a lover? What if she is tired of me? What if she wants to leave me?” Liam asks, fear in his voice.

“Calm down Li, how is she acting weird?” Louis asks.

“She is… she is… she is distant?” Liam says unsure of his words.

“That doesn’t explain anything Li, why don’t you just ask her?” Louis says and squeezes Liam’s shoulders again.

“You think I should?” Liam asks unsure.

“Yes, Li, if you won’t ask you are going to go into heart seizure and we don’t need that, don’t we?” Louis says in a light tone, trying to cheer Liam up.

“You think?” Liam asks again, his face in thought.

“Yeah Li” Louis answers and Liam looks at him like he just discovered a cure for all diseases.

“Okay, I will” Liam says and smiles, all bright and toothy.

“Okay, sorry, but if your crisis is over I would want to go back home and get ready for my lesson with kids” Louis says carefully scanning his friends face.

“Yes, I’ll be okay now” Liam says with a sigh and Louis drops his hold from his shoulders.

“Okay, let me know what was it, yeah? Don’t hesitate to call me if anything” Louis says taking a step back, his eyes still on Liam.

Liam nods and tries to force a smile, but Louis still can see this uneasiness in his features.

Louis makes his way all the way back to his house and gets ready for his lesson. He doesn’t know how to feel about today, it’s the last lesson before kids go on holiday for a week and he isn’t sure what he should do about it. With what he will fill his days and imagining a week without teaching, it will be even worse over the summer break. He puts on his usual coaching gear and is out of the door in seconds, not even bothering to check what time it is.

He sets everything ready for his lesson and discovers that he still have about 40 minutes till the kids will start to come around. He takes out the ball, as usual and decides to kick it around.

He is so into the kicking and concentration on the ball and his feet movement that he doesn’t hear someone running behind his back, ready for the attack.

“Incoming!” someone shouts at the same time when the ball by his feet is kicked away and Louis freezes, he stands there frozen, all he sees in front of his eyes are the game which changed his life forever. He feels his knee ache; it hurts so much he thinks he is back on that field, playing the same game over again.

_“Number #19 is on the ground! What a nasty attack from opposite team player #11!” I hear commenter’s voice faintly in the background of my pain. I’m lying on the grass, clutching my knee and I feel like somebody just ripped my leg off, it hurts so much I can feel tears prickling at the back of my eyes. I try to get myself together and stand, but I can’t, the pain is too much and as I lean on my hurting knee I drop on the ground again with loud cry. I see medics rushing over to me; all of this seems like a blur. I can feel my knee pulsing under my palm and somehow I know this isn’t good, I don’t even have to be medic to know, and I feel that something isn’t right with my knee and from a small tackle it shouldn’t hurt so much._

_“Tell me if it hurts when I do this,” I hear medic asking me. It hurts, it does hurt so much, but suddenly I have lost my ability to even speak and I cry out loud from the pain they make while trying to bend my knee._

_“Okay, we are taking him to the hospital, it seems that his knee is-“ I don’t even listen what they are saying. I don’t even have to, to know it’s bad. They secure my knee and lift me on the stretcher. “Give us room, please-“ I hear again and see all my team mates looking how they take me away, I think I see pity in their stare and I look away._

_“It looks like for Louis Tomlinson, the player under number #19, the game is over, what a sad outcome for the winning team. As we are told player #17 will spend the rest of the game on the chair cheering for his team,” I hear that voice again when they lift me in the Ambulance car._

_The pain is getting number and number and I’m about to say I’m feeling better, but I can’t, I feel so tired and all I want to do is close my eyes and sleep, pretend that this was just a bad dream, but pain must be gone, because I can feel the needle digging in my arm and pumping me with painkillers._

_“Follow the light,” medic asks me and I do. The light above me is so bright I almost miss the one I have to follow, but I do, from left to right, from left to right._

_“How many fingers do you see?” They ask me again and I want to laugh out loud and I think I do, I’m not sure. She is showing me two? They blur and no, it’s four fingers._

_“Four,” I tell her and she nods, I guess I got it right._

_“What’s your name?” She asks me again. What kind of stupid questions are these? Doesn’t she really know who am I?_

_“Louis… Tomlinson,” I tell her and roll my eyes, ouch, I wish I didn’t, now my head hurts as well._

_“Okay, give him another one, looks like with avulsed kneecap fracture he have concussion as well,” the medic says to someone I don’t see, I feel another sharp puncture on my arm and my body feels so heavy suddenly, I can’t stop myself from fighting the sudden tiredness and I give up, I hear nothing, no voices above me and not even the loud sirens._

Harry’s POV

“Louis?” Harry says after taking away the ball and turning around.

He went for the morning run as he tries to every day, when he ran past the football pitch he recognized Louis right away. Harry doesn’t know much about the football and he can’t really kick a ball straight, but he’s been getting better at it and he decided to exchange his running for a quick football match with Louis. He wasn’t sure if he should just run over to him like that, but the fear of getting from him too much questions regarding the gig night made it easier, if they would just fall into game, he would have no time to speak and about the time he would leave his practice would start. It was good idea, Harry had all planned, but he didn’t expect to see Louis like this. Frozen into place, his blue eyes seem like they don’t see him at all, he seems like he is somewhere far away, and this look on his face seems more familiar than Harry would want it to be.

“Louis?” Harry says again leaving the ball where he stood and coming closer. “Are you okay? Do you hear me?” he slowly lifts his hand and waves it in front of Louis face. It seems like it worked, because he looks up at him blinking his eyes rapidly.

“Yeah, sure- why not…” he lets out incoherent words looking around himself. “Edward?” he says like he would just saw him, furrowed brows and confusion on his face.

 “Are you okay? Did I scare you?” Harry asks him carefully, still scanning his face.

“Yeah, I’m just… I – you surprised me, that’s all,” Louis answers looking away, sudden interest into cones he placed on pitch earlier.

“You didn’t seem like just surprised Louis,” Harry says and when Louis starts to fiddle with the rim of his beanie, somehow he understand that he doesn’t want to talk about it and it makes him fidgety, so he lets it go. “Okay… so kids not here yet?” he asks instead, knowing that his smile looks too forced.

“N-No, should be here any minute though,” Louis answers with a sigh looking at his phone and then at the gate.

“Okay…” Harry says and starts to feel a little uneasy. He doesn’t know why, but he kind of expects Louis to ask him about the gig, but that question never comes, it’s like he is distracted with different thoughts, Harry wishes he would know.

“Erm kids are here, thanks for… was good seeing you,” Louis says and smile, Harry knows it’s forced it doesn’t even reach his eyes. He turns around and sees few kids approaching.

“Okay, see you soon Louis, have a great practice,” Harry says and with awkward wave he leaves.

Harry takes his walk home slowly; he uses this time to think. It still bothers him and he is curious what just few minutes happened over at that pitch. All he wanted to was play a football, maybe he did scared him, but if he did why he had fear and pain written across his face. It was like he wasn’t even there. Harry shakes his head at the thought, he wants to know why. Suddenly he stops in his tracks because something like this happened before, the time when they hanged at Niall’s for the first time, playing FIFA, Niall bring up the possibility to have a game on field, but Louis, Louis became tense and fidgety. It’s something related to football, Harry thinks and rushes faster home, he needs to see Niall, maybe it isn’t his place, but he wants to know, he feels like he needs to know and there isn’t anyone better than Niall.

“Zayn?!” Harry shouts as soon as he enters through front door. “Zayn!” he shouts again, louder this time.

“On my way, stop shouting,” Zayn emerges from upstairs, his hair sticking in all directions, clearly he had his nap. “What’s so urgent?” he asks followed by a yawn.

“I need to speak to Niall, can you call him over?” Harry asks and thinks he needs a plan how to get to that, he can’t really go and ask him.

“Why’s that? Will you tell me what’s going on?” he asks in a frown heading over to loving room where he apparently left his phone.

“Text him to come over first and I’ll tell you,” Harry says and sits on the couch. He knows he is sweaty and disgusting form the run, but at the moment he doesn’t have nor time nor will to shower.

“Okay, sent, now tell me,” Zayn says and sits next to Harry looking at him expectantly.

“I went for a run, as every morning and I saw Louis on the field, just kicking a ball around,” Harry starts and sighs, Zayn nods, still confused. “So, I decided to run over and, like, start the game with him?” Harry continues and looks up at Zayn, “and I steal the ball from him by surprise and when I turned around he was, like, frozen into place, like, he wasn’t even there and he had that look, like… I can’t even explain it Zayn, but what I saw wasn’t just a surprise.”

“Did you ask why?” Zayn asks.

“Well, I kind of did, but he said he was just taken by surprise and that’s all and then I remembered the first time when we were at Niall’s for FIFA?” Harry says, he feels his brain working and overthinking every detail on the pitch. He keeps seeing Louis face and his beautiful eyes that seemed dead of any other emotion than fear and pain.

“Yeah, and?” Zayn nods asking.

“Remember Niall mentioned to bring the game on the pitch?” Harry asks and Zayn nods, “well, it has to something about that, because he acted weird and now today and I thought I should, like, maybe ask Niall?” Harry finishes unsure.

“What if it’s something Louis doesn’t want people to know?” Zayn asks and yes, that’s what Harry considered as well, but he could at least try, right?

“I can try, if it’s something we can’t know about, he won’t tell us, right?” Harry says and their doorbell rings.

“I’ll get it,” Zayn says and stands before Harry even has a chance to answer, weird.

He sits for a moment into silence of their living room; he hears the front door open and then close followed by low voices. When Zayn and Niall enters the room Harry feels like his heart will climb up his throat, he feels nervous and he can’t explain why. He is a little scared to know the truth and if it’s something tragic related to Louis? What if one of his team members died? Harry doesn’t know much about football, but he knows how in good shape you have to be to be able to hold the game and even with best players things happen.

“Hey, what’s up?” Niall greets him at the entering the room, his face lit up.

“Hi, thanks for coming, erm… yeah” Harry says and stands to shake his hand.

“What’s going on?” Niall asks eyeing both lads and sitting on the opposite couch.

“Well, I…” Harry starts and steals glance at Zayn, silently asking for his help.

“Look, Edward ran into Louis at the practice, he acted kinda weird, do you know why?” Zayn asks straight away and Harry looks over at Niall.

“Weird? Dunno mate, maybe he is still pissed over the gig, you kind of just left,” Niall says and Harry tenses, because that’s not really why Niall is here and he didn’t understand Zayn right.

“No, I tried, like, stole the ball from him and he didn’t expect me I guess and he just… froze?” Harry asks he can’t really formulate what happened, how to describe it.

“Oooh…” Niall says and shakes his head in thought. Harry isn’t expecting an answer from him at all; he thinks it’s already been too long when Niall finally speaks. “I can tell you just the short version the rest you’ll have to ask him yourself, he doesn’t really like when we talk about it” Niall says and Harry nods, he will be fine with anything as long as he have some of the answers. “About a year ago he played on local’s team at the charity match, some bloke from opposite team tackled him to the ground, ended up with the broken knee and we thought he healed, were past the accident. On the first comeback game he just… he didn’t even played, he couldn’t, he said the accident scared him so much that he remembers it all the time, he can’t even play a game with us, his best friends, not thinking about the accident. He’s good when he is alone; when anyone else is involved he just… has this kind of panic attack where he just, as you said, freezes.” Niall says and Harry can see the uneasiness coming even from Niall, it’s his best friend he is talking about and Harry didn’t expect that it was something directly related to Louis.

“What-what happened after? Didn’t he look for help?” Harry asks unsure, Niall told him the short version, but he wasn’t sure if he can ask questions.

“He tried everything, even at the time when he was at the rehab he went to psychologist, but nothing, he couldn’t play so he left the team and started to teach kids” Niall shrugs, clearly too upset about his friend.

“Shit, I shouldn’t just have run over like that, he clearly was brought back to that game,” Harry swears and stands up tugging at his hair.

“You didn’t know Ed, but the rest I think you probably should ask him yourself, I can’t tell more mate, sorry” Niall says standing up.

“Yeah, okay… well, thanks Niall, I-I should talk to him about the gig anyway,” Harry says and walks with Niall to the front door.

“Yeah, thanks mate, see you around?” Zayn adds and Harry is too busy with his thoughts that he doesn’t even notice the long stare they share.

“Good luck Ed, see you soon lads” Niall says smiling and exits the house.

Zayn claps Harry on the shoulder assuring and leaves. Harry is left in the hallway alone; he swears he can hear his thoughts running a mile a minute. He has no other choice though, if he wants to get all the answers on his never ending questions he will have to talk to Louis. He will talk to him and if that will make himself to open up a little and let Louis in, he is willing to sacrifice his secret, he is willing to do it for Louis.

He doesn’t think twice when he sends his message for the first time from his own phone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> weeeee as i have finished my one shot and my head can be finally into this fic i can promise you next chapter earlier than tuesday!! :)
> 
> but but go check my [one shot](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1790212) out as well, see what you think about it and let me know, pretty please i'm craving feedback :D see what's been holding me away for so long haha
> 
> comments and kudos appreciated, as always <3


	8. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ummm yea... a little something. enjoy. :)

Louis’ POV

He’s been sitting in the café for a while now. Though he doesn’t drink a coffee at all he ordered one just because, it’s long gone cold though. When Edward, as later he found out, messaged him asking him out for a beer, well, he didn’t wanted to be at that crowded pub, not after the practice and not even after what happened before it. Louis knows why he is here, he knows why Edward sent him that message and he knows what he is going to ask. He isn’t sure he wants to have that conversation though, but instead of just telling Edward no, he agreed, he still doesn’t know why.

He sits with his cold coffee in front of him and waits. He glances at the old looking clock above the stands and soon Edward should walk through the door. He looks through the window which is covered with dust from outside, it’s a little matted, but he still can see the street. He spots Edward. His mop of curls bouncing as he runs to cross the street, a deep line set between his brows. His coat pulled up to his chin to hide from the cold wind which already paints his nose slightly red. He reminds Louis someone, but he can’t place who.

He watches Edward entering the café and scanning around the room to spot Louis. When he does, their eyes lock for a second while he walks over and Louis swears he hasn’t seen so green eyes in his life.

“Hi,” Edward says and moves to sit on the chair opposite Louis.

“Hi,” Louis responds and smiles. He doesn’t feel like smiling at all though, but it’s just impossible not to, when it’s Edward.

“Thanks for accepting my offer,” Edward says and opens his coat, pulling off the scarf.

“Not the place you’ll get beer though, all they have is coffee,” Louis shrugs wrapping his hands around the cold coffee cup.

“Works either way,” Edward smirks, “I see you are enjoying yours?” he asks pointing at Louis untouched coffee in his hands.

“Not really, but had to order something to get a table,” Louis says and moves the cup away.

They fall into silence after that and Louis can feel the question hanging in the air. It makes him overthink why he is even here, he was over, he IS over his accident, but someone always makes him to return to that day and that isn’t really what he wants right now.

“’m sorry I left the gig without even saying goodbye,” Edward says and that’s… that’s not really what he expected to hear.

“Why did you?” Louis asks, because he wants to know and that’s not the only thing he wants to know.

“I-I was… not feeling well, like I said in the bathroom,” Edward starts and Louis can tell the moment he realizes his mistake. “Well, and about that…” he says looking down on his hands. He lifts his head and looks at Louis when he says, “I-I probably shouldn’t have just, like, kiss you like that, but like, I-I like you Louis,” he finally says and Louis can see his cheeks flush a little at his words, he even thinks he feels his own turning red.

“Yeah…ummm you aren’t that bad yourself,” Louis says looking at his cup, his answer barely audible, “But it’s not… It’s not why I’m here, innit?” he adds looking up again. They are not here to proclaim their liking to each other and Louis knows that, this “meet up” have a different reason.

“Well, I-I… what really happened Louis?” Edward asks and he looks at Louis like he could see through him.

“I told you-“ he starts, but Edward isn’t buying it.

“I know it’s not really that, Louis, you can stop lying me or hiding, whatever…” Edward interrupts him and Louis sighs.

“Who told you? Was it Liam or Niall?” Louis asks instead of answering to his question.

“Niall, but before you say to him something, I want you to know that it was me who wanted to know and anyway he told me just the short version, I’m sorry, I know it’s not any of my business, but I don’t understand Louis, there are so many footballers who play after injuries like yours,” Edward carefully says, all that time looking into Louis blue orbs, trying to catch his reaction.

“That’s the thing Edward, there is nothing for you to understand and it’s not any of your damn business,” Louis exclaims and stands up. He pulls few notes out of his pocket and heads for the door, this conversation is over, it was already when Edward brought it up. He shouldn’t have come here in the first place, damn Niall.

“What are you afraid of, Louis?” Edward asks somewhere behind him and Louis stops.

“I’m not,” Louis almost whispers. “You’ll never understand once you lose everything you had,” he adds looking straight into Edwards’s eyes and walks out of the door, but he doesn’t catch his response, “I understand you better than you could imagine”.

Louis crosses the street. He is mad, he is mad at Niall, he is mad at Edward and he is mad at himself. “I’m so stupid!” he swears under his breath and the cloudy sky opens up pouring cold rain drops on the streets. He doesn’t care that his clothes are slowly soaking wet, he doesn’t care that he should probably run into some shop to hide so he wouldn’t get sick, he doesn’t care about anything. He walks through the puddle instead of walking around it and wets one of his shoes. It gives out squishy noises at every step and that’s what Louis is concentrating onto.

Squish. Squish. Squish. He doesn’t notice how he ends up at the practice pitch. He stands behind the gate and just watches how rain pours down on the pitch grass making it soak with water. Few of the rain drops blur his vision and he brushes his wet, dripping hair away from his face. He can feel every cold rain drop on his skin, it’s like he would stand out here in nothing than his clothes. He brings his hands in front of him and holds onto the gate, his forehead resting against it. He thinks that maybe Edward was right, maybe he is afraid, he is so afraid to fail again that he took it upon himself to never let something like that happen again. He still remembers that look of pity in the eyes of his team mates on the way to ambulance car, he knows what that meant, he failed them, he knew back then that he failed them and he didn’t want to do it again. He doesn’t want to be that person who fails everyone. But maybe he failed himself?

He unlocks the gate and the small building for the football accessories to take out the ball. He takes off his already soaking wet jacket and sweats, exchanging them for practice gear, shorts, socks and cleats. He runs with the ball to the other side of the pitch. He hits hard on the ball and sends it flying over to the goal and watches how it’s stopped by the net. He runs after it and does it again and again and again, he doesn’t stop even when rain is long gone and grass turned into mud.

Harry’s POV

“Okay time to go,” he says to himself for the tenth time, still sitting at the table where Louis left him. The thought about, maybe he will come back, forcing him to stay. It’s been 2 hours since then, though. The café waiters giving him weird looks and yes, that’s another reason why he should probably leave, he hasn’t ordered anything to be able to sit here and for the first few minutes he tried to sip on Louis cold coffee, but it was so disgusting, he almost spat it back into the cup. He still can feel its weird taste on his tongue.

It stopped raining as well, which was another reason why he didn’t leave. It’s safe to leave now, though and he unwillingly stands up, taking more time than he needs to button up his coat and wrap the scarf around his neck. He smiles at the waiter by the register and exits café followed by a ring of bell.

He walks slowly, his gaze cast on the ground when he hears it. It’s the noise of… he can’t really explain it, but it makes him lift his gaze and he realizes that he is back at the pitch and that noise was Louis kicking the ball into the net. His clothes are dirty from the mud, which happens to cover most of the pitch where used to be grass. Harry can tell that every kick is hit with the force and he never stops, he kicks and runs and kicks again, not bothering about his wet clothes or mud.

Harry contemplates for a minute, should he go over and apologise or should he just go home? He watches Louis with every hit he takes and he can’t stop admiring him anyhow. His wet t-shirt is clinging to his tan skin, making every muscle visible at every movement he takes. He watches how he swipes away his wet hair from his face and ends up staining his cheek with a mud. His legs are covered with knee high socks, which are stained with mud as well. His clothes are disaster, but still he manages to look perfect. Harry walks through the gate and goes by the side lines till he reaches Louis. He still doesn’t acknowledge him, too concentrated on the ball. He snaps a picture when he stands, just before kicking the ball into the net and running after it again.

Harry watches how he finally stops and just stares at his ball into the goal, he watches how he hangs his head taking deep breaths and Harry isn’t sure if he should be here, but he couldn’t stop himself, he couldn’t stop his feet from leading him here. He looks at Louis from side lines and now, when he stands like this, his head hanging low and his shoulders rising at every intake of breath, it does something to him. He can feel his heart race a little, because he never had a chance to see him like this, unguarded, he is happy and strong and loud around his friends, but now, he looks so fragile, Harry swears he can see every crack, he sees that Louis isn’t any different than him, he feels like he is looking into a mirror.

Louis moves to get his ball again and when he turns back Harry steps on the muddy pitch and he sees how closed off Louis becomes. His shoulders tenses and he stops, holding the ball under his feet.

“Hi,” Harry says unsure. When Louis doesn’t say anything he continues, “Thought that jumping in the game this time wouldn’t be smart idea,” he says and slowly walks over.

“Probably not,” Louis says with no emotion on his face.

“I wanted to apologize,” Harry doesn’t expect himself to say it, but words somehow find their way over his lips.

“’Bout what?” Louis asks and he kicks the ball away, he doesn’t expect it to stop few feet away from Harry.

“For… for trying to teach you how to live? I guess” Harry says and shakes his head. His eyes land on the ball and he walks over to it.

“You know, Edward, I have Liam for that, I don’t need another one,” Louis shrugs, he looks tired and Harry would do anything to get that smile on his lips.

“Sorry, I just… I can’t stand to look at you like that,” Harry says and he kicks the ball, it goes a little on the right from Louis.

“Stop apologising, it’s not your fault, I just tend to shut people out,” he answers and he steps on the side and kicks the ball to Harry again.

Harry tries to supress the smile forming on his lips, so he rubs at his chin awkwardly, he doesn’t want to give away his surprise that they are passing the ball to each other.

“I do that too, sometimes, but still it wasn’t very nice of me, I should just come and ask you, not sneak behind your back and act Dr. Phil,” Harry says and smiles, he thinks he sees Louis lips turn up a little. He kicks the ball back to Louis, this time managing to do it straight. “Can you promise me something?” Harry asks after a pause.

Louis stops the ball and looks at Harry; he can see that he isn’t sure what to answer to that, because he doesn’t know what the question is. “Depends on what I have to promise,” Louis finally says.

“Promise to never again meet up at café, that coffee was really disgusting,” Harry says and he notices tension leave Louis shoulders.

“Yeah, I can promise you that,” Louis smiles shaking his head in approval.

When Louis doesn’t kick the ball back anymore Harry slowly walks him closer, their eyes locked, when they are few step apart he says, “You have mud on your face”.

Louis smiles awkwardly and rubs with his hand at the cheek, missing the spot.

“No, it’s not there, wait, let me,” he says when he keeps rubbing at the wrong place. Louis takes his hand away from his cheek and Harry brings up his. Harry stares into Louis electric blue eyes and he swears he could drown in them. He rubs with his thumb at the spot and his skin is so soft and warm, he traces his thumb over his cheekbone, completely forgetting about the dirty spot. He gets lost into the sudden darkness into his eyes and slowly leans closer.

He stops, their lips barely touching, feeling Louis hot breath on his lips, he looks down at him with question and this time it’s Louis who closes the distance.

Hot breath and Louis soft, thin lips is all Harry can think for a second and that’s when he realizes that yes, he probably should kiss him back. He wraps his other hand, which isn’t holding his cheek, around his waist and pulls him closer, making Louis gasp and deepen the kiss. Louis instantly wraps his hands around Harry’s neck, pulling on the curls at the nape of his neck and Harry takes and gives all he have. He slides his tongue over his lower lip enjoying the sounds that leave Louis mouth. He kisses him with passion and promise, a promise he hopes he can keep. He licks and explores every inch of Louis mouth with his tongue and finally meets his, that feels like he’s been hit with the lightning, setting their tongues in the hot, wet dance.

Harry feels how Louis tugs at his hair harder and he breaks the kiss only to trail soft kisses down his throat. He licks at his skin enjoying the salty and sweet mixture of it, he wouldn’t exchange that taste for anything. He can feel Louis pulse under the press of his lips and he can’t stop himself of biting into his skin. Louis lets out a breathy moan and it goes straight to Harry’s groin, he can’t stop himself from reaching down with both of his hands, squeezing Louis round bum and pulling him closer against him. His own breath hitches when he feels how hard Louis already is, making it harder to stop, he enjoys the soft pants of Louis breath in his ear and he bites down at his collarbone just to hear him moan again. He literally feels Louis getting weaker in his knees and they land in the muddy grass with a gasp and staring at each other.

“Louis?” Harry whispers, ghosting his lips over his.

“Ed… I-“ Louis starts and instead of finishing he slams his own lips against Harry’s and for the first time Harry wishes that he could call him Harry, he felt like he talked to somebody else, he didn’t know what Louis was about to say, but he is glad he didn’t, because he wants that to be him, he wants to hear everything what comes from Louis soft and thin lips, be told to Harry not Edward. He wants to hear his real name roll over his lips and the day he will, he swears he will write it in his memory forever.

They kiss completely forgetting about their surroundings. He doesn’t notice how sun sets behind them; all he can focus on is Louis lips on his and his tongue intertwined with his. Harry lowers Louis on the grass and runs his hand over his side enjoying the soft curve his body makes; he stops at his hip sliding his hand under the hem of his t-shirt, feeling hot skin under it. He rubs small circles on his hip enjoying the goose bumps that rise under his touch. He kisses Louis on his neck again, nibbling on his earlobe and Louis breathes harshly is his ear, tugging at his hair and making Harry almost lose it, but he fights his urge to take, because he wants to give, he wants to give Louis everything he has. He trails his hand to the front of Louis shorts and feels his hard cock straining under the fabric. He ghosts his fingers over him enjoying the yet another moan that escapes Louis lips and he grinds up into his touch asking for more. Harry looks down at Louis, staring in his eyes, asking. He doesn’t want to do anything that he would regret and instead of an answer Louis pulls him down by his neck starting another heated kiss.

Harry carefully wraps his fingers around the waistband of Louis shorts and boxers at once and doesn’t move, when he feels Louis lifting his bottom up he tugs them down, just under his tights, enough to free his straining cock. When he finally wraps his palm around it, Louis breath catch and he lets out silent “fuck!” against Harry’s lips.

“Oh God, Lou” Harry whispers back, slowly stroking his soft skin, feeling the heaviness of it in his palm.

Harry feels like he could lose it just from the single touch, just from hearing Louis soft pants and breathy moans. He breaks their heated kiss concentrating on Louis neck and his mouth watering collarbones, while keeping his rhythm slow and steady. “God, Ed…” he hears Louis breathe out into the chill air. He proceeds kissing him down his chest above his t-shirt, he teases Louis nipple through the fabric and feels it harden between his lips. He hears Louis let out a small whine at the loss of his lips and mix of chill air against the wet spot he left there.

When he wraps his plump lips around Louis hard, leaking cock he can feel how Louis tries not to thrust up into his mouth. Harry rolls his tongue around his head and Louis let’s another curse out of his mouth, clutching the muddy grass with his hands and making the streams of mud come out between his fingers. Harry slowly takes him deeper, keeping his tongue pressed at the vein on the underside of Louis cock. He bobs his head faster, teasing him with his tongue and keeping his hips steady. Harry isn’t sure how long he himself is going to last, feeling himself achingly hard in the coffins of his tight jeans. He reaches down at his own shaft and pressed his palm against himself through the jeans, he hums around Louis feeling a little relieved and Louis chokes out “Ed-I’m gonna…” Harry knows he is close too, but he tries to make it last as long as he can. He bobs his head faster again, chasing the cum he feels dripping on his tongue and swallows Louis cock deeper making it hit the back of his throat and that’s all what it takes for Louis to come digging onto Harry’s shoulders with his mud stained hands and a long cry.

He finally falls next to Louis, looking up at the starry sky and waiting, just waiting for Louis to come down from his high. He feels cold and wet ground through his coat and he is sure it’s stained now too. All he hears is Louis soft pants and his own rapidly beating heart. He is kind of scared now, where do they go from here? Harry isn’t even sure what he should expect for Louis now.

“Wow,” Louis croaks out and Harry turns his head to look at him silently waiting. “The stars are beautiful” he continues and Harry swears he can see them reflecting in his eyes, if not brighter.

“They are,” Harry whispers still looking at Louis.

Louis turns his head to look at Harry and his muddy hand finds his on the ground intertwining their fingers. “Best football practice ever,” he laughs his voice coming out raspy and low.

Harry can’t stop his own lips from forming a smile. “We probably should get up, you’ll get sick Lou,” he says and slowly rises looking down at Louis.

“Help me? I’m not sure I can on my own, yet” Louis says making grabby hands at Harry and smirk on his face and Harry swears if he would be passer-by he would think he is drunk lying on the ground, laughing.

He can’t stop his own laugh escape as he hold onto Louis muddy hands and pulls him up, he sways just a little and looks around finally stopping at Harry. He is taken by surprise when Louis just hugs him, his hands wrapping around his waist and head resting against Harry’s chest. Harry can feel his shaking a little and he wraps his hands around him as well, they stay like that for a while and Louis pulls back, looking up at Harry and he sees something in his beautiful eyes he can’t place it.

“Take me home Ed? I’m kind of freezing here,” Louis finally says and that’s what Harry does. They lock up the pitch still side by side and let the dimly light streets lead them home.

 

Only later when Harry says Louis good night in front of his house with promise for a date and kiss, he is on his own, under the blankets with hot cup of tea and phone in his hand. It’s not really that late yet to be going to sleep, but he feels tired and somehow happy. He places his hot cup on the night stand and pulls blankets higher up his chin and falls asleep with his phone lying on his chest with the tweet he just sent out, to yet again mark his path.

The next morning when he wakes up he doesn’t remember his dreams of paint splatters and old magazines marking his past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahaha Hiiiiiiiiiiiii! :) it's not Tuesday i know, but you know...  
> dunno really what to say about this chapter, so i'm letting you guys speak especially about the last part, coz you know... it definitely isn't as good as it should be, but patience i'm learning :D
> 
> so see you in another few days and i love you guys for every kudos and comments you leave, and even if you just give this fic a chance to read and follow their story! :))
> 
> find [me](http://arrow-to-my-heart.tumblr.com/) yup! and check out my one shot '[Can I stay?](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1790212)' if you haven't yet :)
> 
> see ya! x


	9. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> halo it's again Tuesday :D haha
> 
> so things finally are happening and i can tell you that we are close to the end, i'll try to write next chapters longer to squeeze all the "important" things in there, because there is so much yet to happen and i'm hoping for 5 more chappy's, will see.  
> i wrote this chapter when i was at my 4th, i think, and i kept listening to [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ym6NDDRFHvc) and [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4URCe40Y0sI) song while writing so you pretty much can tell where i was then :)
> 
> ANYWAY, thank YOU for your comments and kudos and time for spending to read this mess of mine :D
> 
> THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU :)
> 
> enjoy! x
> 
> P.S have you noticed how i end up the chapters? there is always hints, hints, hints, what you can expect in next chappy ;)

Louis’ POV

Louis groans at the sound of his phone. It keeps ringing and ringing and ringing and it never seem to stop. He leans across the left side of the bed and reaches for his phone. He notices his hands are dirty with mud and he frowns in confusion. He looks down at himself and Oh. He still has his practice clothes on, covered in mud. He finally remembers what he’s been doing last night. Oh well, looks like as soon as he reached his bed he fell asleep, not even bothering to go for a shower and take off his dirty clothes.

He scrunches his nose taking another look at his hands and sees that Liam is calling. He picks up.

“Finally! Where have you been?” comes Liam’s too loud voice this early in the morning, Louis takes away his phone from ear and checks the time, 10.23 am, okay not that early.

“Good mornin’ to you too Liam, what’s burning?” Louis says trying not to roll his eyes.

“I asked Sophia what’s going on,” Liam answers and he sounds too… happy?

“Yeah?” Louis says and slowly rises from the bed, he needs shower after this.

“She is… she is… I’m going to be dad Louis!!” he says impossibly loud through the speaker and Louis thinks he might go deaf.

“What?” Louis asks again, “did I hear you right? When did that happen?” Louis asks surprise in his tone, he is happy, he is happy for his best friend.

“Yes, she is pregnant Louis, don’t make explain you how you do that,” Liam says a little quieter adding the last part.

Louis laughs not bothered, “Congratulations mate, I’m happy for you and Sophia, wow… I can’t believe this” he adds smiling.

“I’m happy too and excited, and… and relieved it isn’t anything of that… other I was worried…” Liam says with a deep sigh. “Oh my God, I have to tell everyone else and empty our spare room, and paint it…and,” Liam babbles.

“Calm down, Li, if you need help with anything just tell me, yeah? I’m super happy for you, it’s still time till the baby is here, right? No rush” Louis says in soft tone trying to calm Liam.

“Okay, Okay… you’ll help me pain yeah? I’ll call Niall too,” Liam asks.

“Today?” Louis asks and he doesn’t want to go today. He still needs to shower.

“Yes?” Liam asks unsure.

Louis sighs and smiles, because he can’t really say no to his friend, “Okay, yes, I’ll be there in one hour, okay?” he says and after hearing an excited ‘see you later’ from Liam and hanging up he throws his phone on the bed and pads over to shower, taking off his t-shirt on the way, that’s all he can think of right now.

_***_

__

_***_

Harrys’ POV

“Hey Niall is calling us over at Liam. He needs to help with some painting. You up for it?” Zayn asks Harry as soon as he emerges from the bathroom. Hair still wet from the shower.

“Sure, don’t have anything planned anyway” Harry shrugs, approaching the closet and pulling out some fresh underwear. He looks for some ratty t-shirt to wear and only one he finds is his old Ramones t-shirt. Great memories associate with it, but perhaps it’s time to let them go, and he pulls it on with a sigh. On his legs he pulls the same black skinny jeans.

“You know we are going to paint and probably will get some stains as well, don’t you?” Zayn asks with a smirk eyeing the Harrys’ look.

“Yes and?” Harry sighs running his hands through his wet hair once more and ties in one of his headscarves’.

“You shouldn’t probably wear those jeans, isn’t it your only pair?” Zayn laughs and gets off of the bed, dropping the book he’s been reading.

“I have another one, don’t worry” Harry says with a laugh and returns to bathroom to discard his towel.

When they finally leave the house Niall and Louis are already waiting them by the side of the road. He’s got box of beer under his arm and he’s grinning like always. Happy leprechaun that he is. He don’t seem to be that critic over the painting as Zayn was, because apparently both of them have jeans on, they don’t really look like they are going to paint.

“Hey” Harry and Zayn greets them in unison. “Need help with that?” Zayn offers pointing at the box under Niall’s arm.

“Nah, ‘m good. Ready?” Niall asks already turning around and heading in direction of Liam’s house not even waiting for an answer. All of them follow behind him without a thought.

“Hi” Harry breathes taking a step next to Louis.

“Hi” Louis answers feeling blush creep up his neck. He fiddles with his hands in front of him and finally decides to put them inside the pockets of his denim jacket.

Harry sees Zayn smile in his peripherals and when he turns to look at him with a questioning glance he shrugs and turns away, but Harry clearly can see his grin, even though his head is turned away.

“What room Liam needs to paint?” Harry asks Louis looking down at him for a moment.

“They are expecting” Louis says with a smile.

“Oh, so Liam’s going to be daddy?” Harry asks thought it’s unnecessary; clearly he is going to be dad.

Louis laughs and Harry furrows his brows. “Yes, of course he is going to be dad” Louis answers. “But he always been The Daddy of our group, so it’s nothing new really” he adds looking at the Harrys confused expression.

“What do you mean?” he asks still confused. If they have some kind of kinky games between them it shouldn’t surprise Harry, but it makes his insides turn at the thought. It would be just another confirmation how weird they are.

“Well, he always was the sensible one out of three of us, so he didn’t let us make much trouble and now when he is going to be dad… I’m happy for him, really, it was a long time coming” Louis answers smiling at the words.

“Oh, well he seems like one” Harry smiles and breathes a sigh of relief.

Finally they reach Liam’s house and Niall stalks inside without even knocking with a shout laughing “Honey we are home!” with other boys following him.

“Hi guys, thanks for coming to help” Liam emerges form a hallway with a grin and yellow stains on his t-shirt.

“Not a problem mate!” Niall says and drops the box of beer on the coffee table opening it straight away and handing everyone a bottle.

They accept with a “thank you’s” except for Harry.

“I’m fine with just the water” Harry answers Nialls questioning look.

“’S fine man” Niall grins and puts the bottle back.

After finishing their beers over the light banter of which Harry mostly stays silent they proceed to the room that needs to paint. One of its walls is almost done, but three more to go. There are stacks of newspapers lying on the floor to help cover the floor from getting paint on it and three paint buckets of bright yellow colour.

“It’s girl then?” Harry asks looking at the buckets and then back at Liam.

“I hope so that yes, we don’t know yet, as it’s too early, but I’m so excited” Liam grins proudly, “Let’s get to work then lads” he adds taking the paint brush off of the floor and dipping it in the bucket of bright yellow colour. He brings it to the wall and slowly draws a perfect line, continuing to do so.

“O-Okay,” Harry frowns and shrugs letting Liam’s weirdness slip.

Everyone takes their respective paint brushes and joins Liam on the painting the room. At one point Niall brings out his phone and puts the music on. It’s fast and cheerful just like he and the tunes makes work much more enjoyable. They all sing, except for Harry, along the tunes not even bothered if they sing off the notes, just having fun. In moments like these Harry wishes he could be who he are and was, he would be able to sing along with them, but he knows that he wouldn’t even have met them if he would live his old life and thinking just about that makes his heart ache. They are weird bunch of guys, he considers them as friends if he thinks about it, but Harry is just thankful he has them.

When the tune ends and starts another one Niall cheers like a maniac and shouts over the intro “Guys!! This song is fucking craic! ” he starts to sing along the song and it takes Harry a second to recognize the band, it’s 5 Seconds of Summer, Harry wouldn’t mix these voices with any other, already having a chance to hear them last week at the gig, but the song is new. Fast and rock-ish, he never heard it before, but he likes it straight away. He is happy to hear some of their new songs and their voices; obviously they have improved since Harry was in the group. He wishes in the moment to be able to congratulate boys on their new album and this song in particular.

“Don’t stooooop doin’ what you’re doin’, every time you move to the beat it gets harder for me and you know it, know it, know it…” Niall continues to sing along.

The other guy’s laughs at Niall when he uses paint brush as a guitar and jumps into the air splitting his legs and getting paint on the shirt and front of his jeans. When the song comes to an end other boys joins him on the chorus as well, already memorizing that part. The sound of them singing makes Harry silently smile as he continues to paint his spot at the wall. When song ends Niall laughs and chants over and over how much he loves the band till Liam says a little annoyed “Okay we get it! Now paint, please” and he continues the painting singing along the next tunes.

At some point they run out of newspapers to cover the floor and Niall and Louis joins Liam to bring some more upstairs from his basement leaving Zayn and Harry alone in the room.

“It turned out to be more fun than I thought” Zayn breaks the silence.

“Yeah, it is” Harry shrugs continuing to paint.

“You alright?” Zayn asks him putting his brush on the paper and approaching Harry.

“Yeah, I guess” Harry shrugs again and bends to take more paint.

Zayn stops him when he straightens. “I know how hard this must be to you, I can see that you clearly aren’t enjoying this as much as you should Haz” Zayn whispers afraid if others would come in and hear their conversation.

“But I can’t Zayn, I can’t” Harry groans back getting frustrated.

“I know that, but don’t beat yourself up for that, don’t go pitying yourself with your usual what if’s, because I clearly can see that’s the thing you are doing right now” Zayn says placing his hand on Harrys shoulder and squeezing it.

Harry really doesn’t know what he would do without Zayn. He always knows the right words and obviously knows Harry too well. “Okay, but it just… it just makes me so frustrated I can’t do simplest things Zayn, I can’t sing without being afraid they would recognize me, or Niall even, he is a fan he would put the pieces together with a blink of an eye. I can’t allow that you know it” he shrugs looking at the ground.

“I know I understand you, but just try to enjoy this, yeah?” he says placing his hand under Harrys chin and pulling it up for the boy to face him, “just stop over thinking it Haz, and don’t go there, yeah?”

Harry sighs again deeply, “Alright, alright” he says giving Zayn a weak smile.

 

Louis’ POV

“Damn it Niall, watch where you place your damn leprechaun feet!” Louis shouts as he feels Niall stepping on his feet. It’s dark and he is clutching the back of Niall’s shirt to not to get lost in the darkness of Liam’s basement. Niall just laughs, as always.

“Tadaa!” Liam cheers as he pulls the light switch and sets room in light, it blinds Louis vision for a moment making him blink repeatedly to adjust.

“Good, if Niall would step on my feet again I swear I would cut them off” Louis mutters looking around.

“They are there” Liam points at the newspapers stocked in the corner of the basement. It makes Louis think why he would have so many newspapers, but decides not to ask as he knows too well it would turn into conversation about how good recycling is and things you can use the old papers for. Fun HA! No, thank you.

They approach the old papers and when Niall picks one of the stacks off the floor it makes a cloud of dust fly everywhere. Louis takes it from him and brings it over to the stairs, ready to bring up. When he turns back to face the boys Niall has confused face and Liam is holding a torn piece of newspaper with wide eyes. Louis approaches them with words ”what’s wrong?”

“I think you might wanna see this” Liam says and cautiously hands Louis the torn paper.

Louis scans the page and only words he hears himself saying before collapsing is “Oh God is that?!”

He hears a distant noise in the background shaking him awake. “Lou! Wake the fuck up!” Niall shouts not too loud and Liam mumbles “I hope he isn’t dead” by his side.

Louis groans opening his eyes and feels sharp pain at the back of his head. “What happened?” he asks rubbing his head and sitting up.

“You passed out mate, Li thought you may be dead” Niall laughs.

“You ok?” Liam asks concern in his voice.

“Yeah, I think so… I-“ he stops seeing the torn paper lying next to him. He grabs a hold of it and he scans the picture again.

_“AFTER 3 MONTHS OF INVESTIGATION RESCUE TEAM AND POLICE ENDS SEARCH FOR MISSING…”_ is the only part what’s still available to read above the picture.

There is a picture of a young boy, Louis knows as Harry Styles, but he looks like the man upstairs, his friend Edward and he tries to understand how he could not recognize him earlier. He was all over the papers about 5 years ago a member of world’s most famous boy band.  Despite that the paper is old Louis clearly can see the change. Curly haired boy in the picture is much younger, maybe around 17 years. He is smiling his dimpled smile and Louis’ heart aches at the sight. It’s Edward. It’s clearly him, but he doesn’t understand “maybe that’s not him, guys. Maybe he just looks like him, but it isn’t him, you know there is these freaks who make themselves look like these celebrity stars just by surgery or you know, all of us have another twin out there and maybe Edward is the twin of Harry Styles” Louis rambles on without taking a spare breath and when he finishes he is out of it and panting.

“Or we have a ghost in my house” Liam adds and Niall looks at him bewildered.

“What if, that’s a mistake, like, what if it’s not him?” Louis still presses on holding onto Nialls hand to help him get up off of the floor.

“You know he’s been weird around us, remember at the first, most of time he just wore sunglasses and never made eye contact with us Lou or last week when we went to that bands gig and he just disappeared on us?” Liam adds.

“Chill guys, why don’t we ask him?” Niall interrupts them.

They look at him with huge eyes like it would be the worst idea Niall could come up with.

“Yeah sure he is going just to smile and tell us everything, don’t think so Ni” Louis says flailing his arms around to get the point across.

“If Edward is Harry or Harry is Edward…I can’t believe I’m friends with a ghost” Liam says sitting down at the stack of newspapers with a sigh.

Niall pulls out his phone and taps something on it; Louis thinks he maybe is searching for the whole article about him.

“We need a large board, candle and four lighters” Niall says looking up at the Liam and Louis.

Louis and Liam looks at him with questioning look and then Louis gets it. “Don’t say you just googled how to catch a ghost Ni” Louis asks.

“Yes, and it really has help-“ Niall starts but is interrupted by Louis.

“You idiot!” Louis shouts, “He isn’t a ghost, he is human!”

“But Li said that..” he starts again.

“Oh for fucks sake Niall!” Louis shouts again squeezing his eyes shut and slapping his forehead with his hand.

“I was tryna to help…” Niall mumbles sliding his phone back into pocket.

“Okay, what do we do?” Liam breaks the silence after that.

Louis sighs, still holding his eyes closed and now rubbing his forehead in thought. “I don’t know mate” he finally answers.

“Do you think Zayn knows?” Liam asks carefully.

“He must have, they are pretty close” Louis answers without a doubt.

“Maybe if we got a look at Edwards pictures when he was younger…” Liam trails off.

Louis brings up his gaze looking at Liam. “You know, that would actually be great idea, we could surely see if it’s really him” Louis says with a thought.

“Let’s do it!” Niall shouts too excited fist pumping the air.

“Calm the fuck down Ni, you are going to ruin this” Louis slaps him on bicep. “Anyway we are way too long down here, let’s get upstairs and just… be normal” Louis suggests glaring at Niall.

“Yeah, that probably would be the best idea” Liam says standing up and taking the stack of papers he’s been sitting on.

“Act normal Niall!” Louis steps closer to Niall reminding him.

“Okay, Okay… I’m cool. Niall’s cool” he answers and heads up the stairs with the other men following him.

When they enter the room Zayn is standing next to Edward or Harry, Louis doesn’t even know, but he don’t think about it too much afraid that he would pass out again.

“Sorry for being so long these things were hiding from us” Liam says with a smile gesturing at the stack of papers in his hands.

As soon as Niall enters the room he runs over to Edward and hugs him with words “Heyyyyy Ed my man!” which makes Louis and Liam stop in his tracks sharing a glance nervously.

Harrys face is full of confusion so as Zayn’s and he looks from Niall to Louis and Liam with raised brow.

“Eh you know Niall is a hugger, damn boy can’t last a minute without his friends” Louis says faking a grin and approaching Niall, trying to tug him off of Harry.

“Yeah, he’s pretty sensitive and he was kind of scared down there, went all crying when saw a spider” Liam adds faking smile as well.

“I didn’t cry!” Niall shouts and backs off of Harry.

 

Harrys’ POV 

Niall stands and stares with his big grin splitting his face at Harry for a moment after being dragged away from hugging him. Harry slightly feels uncomfortable under his gaze and gives him a small smile with a nod.

“So you got the papers, yeah?” Zayn interrupts the silence and Harry is thankful for that, he doesn’t know how much longer he would bear Nialls stare.

“Yeah..ummm… I guess we should finish the room… Niall take the stack, will you” Louis says spinning around and grabbing for his paint brush.

They continue painting and air feels heavy with tension. They don’t talk much after that and soon enough finish painting the room in silence.

When they exit from already finished room air fills with smell of food and Sophia emerges from the kitchen.

“Hi guys. Thank you for helping with the room” she says with a smile as Liam goes to stand next to her wrapping arm around her waist and kissing her on the cheek.

“No problem” they say in unison and Niall laughs.

“I’m preparing dinner, do you want to stay?” she asks to all of them.

“I’m in!” Niall shouts grinning already making his way over to kitchen.

“Yeah I will stay as well, my stomach feels so empty after all that painting” Louis adds shrugging.

Zayn and Harry share a quick glance. “Thank you for offering Sophia, but I have a few things that needs to be done before the night sets” Harry says with apologetic smile.

“Yeah, we should probably go” Zayn adds.

“No, you can stay Zayn” Harry glances at Zayn raising his eyebrows.

“Okay..well I guess than I am” Zayn laughs a little awkwardly looking at Liam and Sophia.

“Have a nice dinner. I’ll see you all soon” Harry says to everyone heading for the door.

Harry hears “Bye Edward”, “See you home Ed”, “See you soon” before exiting the house of Liam. He stands there for a moment and takes few beep breaths. He knows that something isn’t right. Something was off when Louis, Niall and Liam came back from basement. What if they heard the conversation? Harry thinks. But he didn’t say anything that would give him away. With another sigh Harry steps off of the threshold and heads for the home. He needs to think, to clear his head before he is ready to face anyone again. It was already difficult to keep his emotions at bay when all these memories and hearing his band sing came crushing down on him. He doesn’t know what he would do if Louis, Niall and Liam would find out. The shivers at the thought and pulls his jacket higher on his shoulders enjoying the warmness that envelopes him. He walks slowly thinking and watching his hot breath make clouds in front of him with every breath he exhales.

“Edward! Wait!” obvious Louis voice shouts behind him and Harry stops in his tracks to turn around.

“Hey, I thought you stayed for dinner” Harry greets him with smile.

“They were having a broccoli soup, I’m not a fan” Louis shrugs coming closer.

Harry laughs “but vegetables are good Louis” he says bumping into Louis shoulder.

“Don’t start okay, I have Liam for that” Louis laughs and bumps Harry back. After a moment of silence Louis says “Why didn’t you stay?”

Harry ponders between telling him the truth or lie and he decides that lying isn’t the best option as he already is one big walking lie. “I just… dunno… wanted to clear my head” he finally says with a sigh.

“From what?” Louis asks glancing up at him.

“Things…” Harry answers shortly.

“You know, sometimes I wonder Ed” Louis says thoughtfully.

“About what, Louis?” Harry asks kicking at stray rock with his boot and sending it jumping and rolling over into the grass.

“What’s going on in that beautiful head of yours” Louis says and Harry stops walking. Louis notices it just after a moment and turns around to face him. They look at each other with everything around them frozen. Louis is with his back on the setting sun and the orange light behind him makes him look like he glows.

“What-what do you mean?” Harry stutters out slowly walking again.

“Like… I don’t know, sometimes you seem somewhere far away” Louis says looking up at the sky.

Harry hums and when silence falls over them for too long he whispers “sometimes I feel like I am”.

Louis looks at him raising his brow and soon they realize they are few houses away from theirs. They don’t speak after that, Louis doesn’t want to pressure on it and Harry doesn’t know if he can trust Louis yet. After all they know each other for just few weeks, he needed a year to trust Zayn on his secrets, even though he feels like Louis would be one of those people who would understand, he’s still afraid and he could be wrong.

“I guess we are here” Louis says stopping by his house front giving Harry nervous smile.

“I guess… well, thank you for company Louis” Harry says sliding his hands in his pockets.

“My pleasure. See you soon, neighbour” Louis says with a smile and starts slowly walking to his door.

Harry smiles back at him and when Louis is about to walk through his door he says “Louis?”

Louis turns back around to look at him with a questioning glance “Yeah?”

“I thought maybe...” he starts, but then he sighs closing his eyes “See you soon” he says instead and turns to walk to his door.

Louis stands there for a moment confused, shakes his head and is about to enter his home when he turns around, “Ed?” Harry turns around at the calling, “how ‘bout dinner or lunch?” he sees Harry’s pained face and adds, “homemade?”

Harry sighs, “yeah, o-okay, sure”.

“Alright, but I have to warn you, by homemade I meant grab a take away and heat it up, unless you prefer burnt stuff and possible food poisoning,” Louis laughs.

“Let me cook then?” Harry asks, feeling lighter and grin splitting his face.

“Even better, text me tomorrow yeah?” Louis asks and Harry nods. They share one last smile and enter their homes.

When Harry unlocks his door and steps inside he stands in the hall, smile on his face and thinks. Maybe he should give a chance to Louis? It’s not like he would need to tell him everything, just a truth here and there and see where that goes. He feels different around him, he surely enjoys his company and it seems like Louis does too. He was about to offer another try at that date, but just the thought of it made him think of the last one, all surely went wrong, but well, with unexpected ending. He is kind of glad that Louis spoke up though, he will try to enjoy as much as he can the dinner, probably, and try not to think of who he is. Maybe Louis will become one of those persons who Harry can trust. Harry hopes he would, he wouldn’t want to lose a friend like Louis.

He takes off his boots and jacket dropping the keys on the small table. All he wants right now is to sleep and not to think and that’s what he does. When he finally lays his head on the pillow he doesn’t expect his dream to be about boy with electric blue eyes and caramel hair handing him torn paper with his face on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaah sorry if there is mistakes, such a typos, which are good friends of mine :)
> 
> keep comments coming if you like and kudo-ing <3 Appreciated!!
> 
> see you in next few days xx
> 
> [tumblr](http://arrow-to-my-heart.tumblr.com/)


	10. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI! sorry just read on, i'll explain after... sorry this chappy doesn't have POV's so it might be a lil messy, cause they jump from one to another.
> 
> enjoy :)

“Coming!” Louis shouts running through the living room and hitting his knee on the corner of his old couch while trying to find a right hole where to pull his head through to get a t-shirt on. He stops for a minute by the couch straightening the pillows which, again, don’t look right on it, and scanning the area behind him, before opening the door.

He’s been cleaning his house ever since he woke up. His house was a mess as he never cleaned it properly, every time he spill something on the floor or coffee table he used his t- shirts to swipe over it and throw is somewhere it wouldn’t block his way. And today he had to clean, he wanted it or not. At first he thought that vacuuming the floors and hiding away all the dirty clothes and plates would be enough, but it wasn’t, he didn’t expected his house to be that dirty. Edward was coming over for dinner, well to cook dinner, and if he wouldn’t put too much effort in cleaning soon enough they would realise that Louis doesn’t have any clean plates or cutlery.

A good thing has come out of this though, while cleaning he found some stuff he thought he lost or one of the boys took and never gave back, Louis always had a feeling Niall had something to do with it. Like his favourite cd which is now playing lowly on the background. He would give himself an award for his cleaning, if he looks at his living room now it looks much better, the warzone worthy look is gone and everything for Louis eyes now looks so new and shiny. He likes it this way, but he wouldn’t do it again.

He takes last deep breath and pulls at his t- shirts collar, it feels weird, he probably should have worn different one, but no chance, he already had Edward waiting too long. He opens the door just as Edward is about to knock again, his hand halfway up.

"Hi," Louis breathes and their eyes meet, Louis thinks he would get dizzy just of the green of Edwards eyes.

"Hi," Edward says with a smile and Louis sees his eyes running over his body. When their eyes meet again his face splits into grin, showing his left dimple. "Nice shirt" he says, twinkle in his eye.

"Thanks," Louis squirms feeling a blush creeping up his cheeks, "oh sorry don’t stand there come on in" he says remembering why Edward is here.

"Did I interrupt you with something?" Edward asks, his plump lips forming a smile.

"No, no... I was just, erm... writing down some notes for the practice” he lies, he isn’t going to say that he been cleaning since 10 am.

"Oh… well, your shirt… is like other way around?" Edward says and his lips escapes giggle. Louis feels weaker in his knees. He looks down at himself and yes, his t-shirt has backside in the front, which would explain his itching collar. He blushes deep red like the wine in Edwards hands.

"Ehm I-I wore it in the rush" he laughs awkwardly.

“I brought the wine for the dinner, hope you don’t mind?” Edward says raising the bottle in his hand.

“If I get drunk you’ll be responsible of it not the fact that I wore my t-shirt wrong,” Louis laughs and takes the bottle for him.

Once Edward has hanged his coat, Louis doesn’t understand why he would be wearing it in the first place with him living just next door, and put neatly his boots but the door they make their way into the kitchen, which takes much longer time to reach as Edward shows interest in every picture hanging on the walls of Louis hallway. There is one in particular where Louis is photographed on his second birthday, cake in front of him with two lighted candles and mouth dirty with chocolate, grinning. When Edward looks at him pointing at it and laughs Louis just rolls his eyes and promises that he is going to take all of them down and never let his mother step in his home.

“Don’t laugh, I bet yours aren’t any better and as you’ve made fun of mines I expect you to show me yours now too,” Louis says and soon enough he realizes his mistake, Harry, with all the rush in morning till now he almost forgot that there are some things he doesn’t understand yet. He’s still looking at Edward or Harry, Louis doesn’t know, when he shrugs and says a quiet “I guess”.

It feels weird now, they stand in the hallway and silence like a heavy rain could surround them. It feels a little like before the storm, when all is calm and quiet and then next moment sky will open up with heavy rain pouring down and lightening here and there. For the first time Louis feels like he doesn’t know who the person in front of him really is, what really is going on in his mind? Why, Harry Styles would want to end his life in a lie, he doesn’t give much thought to it now though.

“Okay, enough to make fun of me, I’m hungry” Louis finally says and turns to make his way over to the kitchen, he hears Edward, that’s who he is going to be for him till he knows for sure, to follow him. “You can use whatever you need and I expect dinner to be good, just so you know,” Louis says placing the bottle of wine on the table and jumps up to sit on the counter, “What are you cooking anyway?” he asks eyeing the bag in Edward’s hand.

“Fajitas” he responds simply, “didn’t know if you like chicken or beef, so I grabbed both” Edward says lifting the bag on the table and taking out its contents.

“Beef. Beef is for me” Louis says with a grin, “I know you doesn’t expect me to help you cook, but I can try to help with something, though, except that” he adds jumping down and approaching Edward.

“If you could cut the beef then, while I do chicken?” Edward asks, his eyebrow raised and Louis laughs at the possible innuendo, but he keeps his mouth shut and takes the beef to cut it.

They fall into a conversation about Louis family. Edward showing a keen interest in it from all the pictures he saw on the wall, willing to find out more, which turned out to be more fun talking about than Louis would expect, he even got that far as to learn that Edward have an older sister too, which came out of him unexpected, while cooking and cutting all the necessary ingredients for fajitas. Louis had a try at filling one up and folding, but it turned out to be disaster, he put it too full and it broke almost in half without even cutting it, he couldn’t resist for it to be as full with beef as possible.

“Do your family live here as well?” Edward asked perfectly cutting another fajita in half and placing them on the plate.

“They did, but few years ago they moved to Manchester, closer to Uni for Lottie and Fiz, when I think about it I feel so old,” Louis says and sighs rubbing his forehead, carefully watching Edwards hands working on fajitas.

“They say when you turn 25 you don’t even have time to process it when you already are 30,” Edward laughs and Louis cringes. Yes, he is 25, but no, he isn’t ready to be 30 any time soon.

“I would like to postpone that for a while, enough; I invited you to cook not to scare me into heart seizure,” Louis says stealing a piece of beef. “What about you? Where’s your family now?” he asks and his inner voice practically screams at him.

Edward awkwardly coughs keeping his gaze on his hands, “They live… like, in England” he squeezes his eyes shut at realization how stupid that sounds. “I mean not far from Manchester. Do you visit yours often?” he asks and goes to place knife and empty bowls in the sink.

Louis watches him and can practically see how stiff his movements have become now, he lets it go and decides to leave it at that. “Yeah, once in a while, but mostly they come to visit, missing old friends and all that,” he responds and his tummy growls.

“I guess we finished in time,” Edward smiles drying his hands on the towel. They decide to eat in living room, setting the plate with fajitas on the coffee table and grabbing two glasses for the wine. They decide to watch Friends re-runs setting the volume low enough to be able to talk over it. The food turns out to be good, better than Louis expected for Edward to cook and he keeps saying that over and over again after every bite he takes. He feels his cheeks burn a little from the wine and Edward just looks ridiculous. Louis catches himself paying more attention to his full, red lips, which look darker from the wine, how they form slow words and that brings back some of the memories from the day before, when the same lips were doing something else than talking and that’s…that’s not okay. He likes wine, but when it makes him think things he shouldn’t, he would be better off without it, he swallows and looks up to see Edward watching him, he doesn’t know if it’s possible to be redder than he already is.

“Very good fajitas,” he says and lifts last piece in the air to point out his words and eats it, his eyes cast on TV screen.

“You’ve said that like hundred times now,” Edward says and laughs.

“That’s just my way to get you cook for me again,” Louis jokes, “I feel like I could blow up now, though” he winces setting the glass on the small table.

“And here I though you did it just to get in my pants,” Edward laughs his head hanged back and his cheeks beet red from the wine in the dim light coming for TV. He looks back up at Louis when he realises he isn’t laughing at that, confused.

“Well, I thought wine was for that?” Louis says trying to hold back a laugh, he can’t and just looking at Edwards confused face makes him laugh out harder. “Oh God your face… I’m just joking mate” he says in between the laughs.

Edward knocks their knees together shaking his head and he can’t resist the smile creeping on his lips too.

***

“No idiot, don’t open the door!” Louis shouts and pulls at his hair. The wine bottle is long empty so are their plates. They decided to watch some Japanese TV show, where participants race for the money. They doesn’t understand a shit they say, but every time the announcer wishes good luck to participant Louis and Edward raise their fists in the air and shouts along “Ganbatte!” laughing out loud. The show is ridiculous really, but that’s what it makes more fun and Louis hasn’t got so much fun in a while.

After another participant has failed to reach the next obstacle Edward excuses himself to use the bathroom and Louis is left alone for a while. He decides to use the moment to bring their dirty plate and glasses to kitchen, it’s nearly midnight, Louis doesn’t expect Edward to stay longer. He places the plate into the sink along with the glasses, he is about to go back when something catches his eye. He sees just a small corner of it peeking out from one of the drawers; he approaches it and opens it examining the paper. He realises it’s the same paper Liam handed him in his basement with Harry Styles on it. He hears Edwards’s steps and closes the drawer putting the piece of paper in his pocket. He goes back smiling at Edward, knowing that his smile doesn’t look genuine.

He takes his old spot on the couch and he realises that somehow they ended up sitting close, their tights touching and if Louis wanted he could easily lay his head on Edwards shoulder. Louis tries to push the thought about the paper in his pocket away and all the questions with it, he tries, he really does, but he can’t.

“Ed? Can I… can I ask you something?” Louis says just a little above the loudness of the TV.

He doesn’t know what to make out of Edwards expression, so he slides a little bit further away from him to be able to face him, maybe try and catch something, something that isn’t guarded by the green of his eyes.

“Go on” Edwards says and Louis can see he isn’t sure about his answer, but he tries to hide it behind his smile, like it would be perfectly fine.

“Well, it isn’t really a question, but…” Louis starts and he sees Edward following his hands movement. He sees a deep line forming between his brows of confusion and question; he throws a quick glance at Louis when he brings the piece of paper into view. Louis isn’t sure if this is the right thing to do, but he has nothing to lose. He just hopes that this won’t turn into disaster, a storm he felt approaching.

Louis carefully hands Edward the piece of paper he’s been hiding in his jeans, it felt like rock in his pocket, pressing down and one thing always on his mind. Is it really he? Not once Edward caught him openly staring at him, trying to understand, maybe find a difference between the boy in the picture and already grown up man sitting next to him. He doesn’t understand how he didn’t recognise him from the start, though, he remembers it clear as day that he always had this feeling like he would have seen him somewhere, but he never could remember where. It's been 5? years though, and it’s a no surprise how nobody could recognise him either, even Niall who seems to know everything. There haven’t been any pictures of him on the media for years and when you disappear like that and show up already a man... no wonder why, really.

They sit on the sofa the shows credits playing on the screen and Louis is actually nervous, he doesn’t know what to expect and it kind of makes him anxious. Edward takes the piece of paper with confusion on his face, his brows furrowed. He unfolds the paper and Louis notices the moment he freezes. Louis watches him for any type of emotion but there is none. Edward sits, his head hanging low and some of the curls escaping his headband falling into his eyes, he doesn’t move. When finally after what seems like hours into silence Louis notices him blink and he abruptly stands up.

“I have to go,” Edward says his voice barely recognizable. He is about to run for the door when Louis comes out of his reverie and catches his wrist making the paper fall out of his hand and on the floor.

“Wait! Please don’t go, is it- is it- what happened?” Louis asks unsure if he is allowed, but there is something on Edwards’ face that tells him he shouldn’t go, he shouldn’t be alone right now.

“I can’t Louis” Edward barely whispers and Louis almost misses his words, his heart beating in his cheat so loud it takes over his senses.

“Why you can’t? Is it- is that you?” Louis asks, he isn’t going to give up. He pulls softly on Edwards’ wrist to make him turn and face him.

“Please tell me; please explain to me....Harry?” He adds quieter now.

“Don’t call me that...” Edward says lowly and lets himself to be turned to face Louis.

“What happened? Is that… Is that you?” Louis asks watching Edward.

“I can’t... I can’t...Louis" Edward sighs visibly making his shoulders hunch.

“Why? Just tell me why Harr- Edward" Louis asks and somehow that name feels oddly strange for the man in front of him.

“I can’t... It took me a year Louis, a year to trust Zayn, what makes you think that I can trust you?” Edward starts, his voice coming out a little louder, Louis for a moment is afraid he will make Edward angry and that’s not what he needs. He knows from his personal experience, how in a moment of anger you can say things you doesn’t even mean, but they hurt, they hurt much more than a truth.

And that’s when Harrys’ feeling anger boils inside of him; he feels it climbing up his insides. But it isn’t anger towards Louis, but himself. He is angry at himself that he cloud let something like this slip; he never should have come back to England anyway. It wasn’t meant to be, it was too soon to return.

“I don’t know, but that’s... Why? Why would you do that?” Louis asks he can see the glint of anger into Edwards greens and he won’t let him leave before he gets at least some kind of answer, no matter what it takes.

“I had my reasons, if you’ll excuse me I’ll go now” he says and turns towards the door. Louis watches how he walks to pick up his coat and put the boots on, when he is about to reach for handle he speaks, meaning every word.

“What are you afraid of? Isn’t it funny how you just yesterday told me those same words? I’m not stupid Harry; I can see that there is something bigger under all that than just a reason." He starts and slowly walks towards Harry who is now frozen by the door his face hidden by the shadows of Louis dark hallway. "You know, my knee wasn’t the only thing I broke on that pitch. I lost my ability to trust myself, my trust was broken and all I could think of was how I failed everyone that day, even myself. They told me I will be able to play again and when that day came I just couldn’t, I was still... I still am broken from inside, nothing can heal that, you know, only me, but I’m too fucking selfish to let that happen, because..." Louis whispers last words and quiets; he looks down and suddenly all that days emotions come crushing back in his mind. He remembers every second if it, he remembers that feeling being on the pitch and feeling scared, so damn scared that he couldn’t even move his feet, it felt more like standing in front of moving train, not enough time to jump aside and stop it from crashing into you with all its force, leaving nothing, nothing than a shadow. That’s how he feels right now. He feels like he is just a shadow of what he once was.

"Because you’re afraid to let everyone down" Harry says still hidden by the dark, "let myself down" he whispers and to his own ears it sound like a promise, a promise he made all those years ago watching how his car sank into the lakes murky water.

“What is your reason Harry?” Louis whispers afraid to break the sudden silence. He doesn’t speak, Louis wishes he would, he wishes wouldn’t just stand there like another shadow. Harry is made for light; he is made for everyone to see him, to soak up his kindness and light that bright even Louis’ darkest days.

He can’t stand the silence between them, but the words he says he didn’t expect to come out so loud, making him fist his hands so hard the knuckles turn white.

“You know Edward or Harry, I don’t know… Even if you think we are so different, we aren't. In some stupid and selfish ways we are the same and you know what that is?” Louis shouts already too exasperated to fight Harry more.

Harry doesn’t answer though; he just hangs his head and lets the silence fill the room. "Our past Harry, we both is fucking feared of our past" Louis says. He looks up at Harry but he still stands there, head hanging low, his view to his face covered with his curls. Louis sighs and leaves Harry alone. He doesn’t get further than front door though, because he hears something, it’s barely there but its Harry, he turns around and there he is, standing in the hallway, his back hunched, he looks like he is holding world on his shoulders and Louis wants to help, he wants to smooth out those deep lines on Harry’s face and make the fear in his green eyes disappear.

“I'm wrong Louis” Harry says again this time louder and Louis has no clue what he is talking about. Harry must have seen his confusion when he says again, “I was wrong Louis because I’m gay," He says it with so much pain in his voice and his look, Louis knows that this is the first time he sees him like this and words coming out of his mouth just shocks him.

“How can you say something like that? You can’t change that about yourself Harry, nobody can. You should, you should be fucking proud of it!” Louis says and as ridiculous as it sounds he can’t wrap his head around this, if that, being himself was Harry’s reason, that’s the most idiotic thing he’s ever heard.

“It ruined my life Louis, it ruined everything I had!” Harry shouts stepping closer, his expression much like Louis just moments ago.

“No Harry, those people are sick! If they thought that being who you are was wrong, they wasn’t worth it, it wasn’t worth it,” Louis shouts back, because Harry has to understand how wrong he is in his thinking, not being wrong who you are. “Do you- do you still think that?” he asks his voice coming out calmer.

“No… I had five fucking years to understand that and sometimes…” Harry says pulling at his curls, his eyes settling anywhere around the hallway, escaping Louis’.

“And sometimes what?” Louis asks whispering.

“I’m not sure it was enough,” Harry says and it comes out sounding more like a question, a question he needs to answer himself.

“Why? Harry why?” Louis asks exasperated, “Oh God Harry, this is just, this is ridiculous… Do your family know?” he asks already seeing the answer on Harry’s face. “Oh God they think you are dead, oh my God,” he says again pulling at his hair, this is a lot to understand and it doesn’t get any easier when Harry doesn’t even try to help him understand.

“It was the only thing what felt like a real escape” Harry whispers and takes another step towards Louis. He turns his head and he is standing right beside the picture where Louis is with all his family, everyone happy in it and it makes his heart ache, because he can’t have that now, he can’t just go and visit his mother and stepfather for holidays or bring them presents on Christmas or just hang out with his sister Gemma. She would have understood him, she  probably would have helped him through it if he would talk, if he wouldn’t just close into himself and block everyone out, it would be better if he would have let her in, the way he did let Zayn in.

He casts his eyes on the man just a few feet in front of him, watching him cautiously; there is a worry and pain written across his face, he knows that the pain isn’t because of him, that’s just something Louis is holding into himself like Harry does, it never leaves, unless you want it and both of them have chosen not to let it go. They have decided to hold on to that feeling as a reminder what they had and what they should escape from. Harry doesn’t know he is allowed to be happy anymore, because all he knows that he was happy on stage, he was happy when he did what he loved to do, sing, and he can’t have that now, he have to forbid it and keep it just like these pictures on the walls, like a memory, a scar in his arm. Every time he would look at it, it would remind him everything.

“You can’t live like this Harry, not you,” Louis whispers and steps closer, his eyes locked with Harrys.

“I have to, I have no other choice,” Harry answers and steps closer as well.

“Everybody has a choice Harry, so do you” Louis says with conviction in his voice and Harry almost believes it, he lets himself think that maybe, he can be happy, maybe he really have a choice.

“Louis I-“ Harry starts and they are close now, Harry feels Louis’ bare toes bumping into his. They are so close he can feel Louis short breaths on his skin. He lets himself to be swallowed by Louis deep blues of his eyes, he lets himself to drown holding onto anchor, which takes him deeper and deeper where he finally would reach the ground.

He lets himself lean towards Louis and locks their lips in a kiss. It’s different than Harry remembers it form night before. It’s slow and it almost feels like they are barely touching at all, it feels so fragile that any wrong movement or word would shatter that feeling. He feels something strangely familiar in his chest and it scares him so much he pulls away and disappears through the door.

Louis is left there standing alone in his dark hallway, feeling of Harry’s lips still on his and his eyes closed, he feels it, and he sure can say Harry felt it too, but he is gone, nothing than a shadow left. He suddenly feels too tired to fight any longer and he breaks, he falls on the ground on his knees and let’s his tears flow marking his jeans, he doesn’t stop for what feels like hours, because he is tired to fight it and he isn’t sure he can any longer.

***

“Zayn!” Harry shouts climbing up the stairs and wiping at his eyes. “Zayn! Wake up!” he says again opening the door of Zayn bedroom. He doesn’t care that it’s past midnight.

“Harry? What the hell is going on?” Zayn says his eyes just a small slits from the sudden brightness of the room.

“Pack, we are leaving,” Harry says and disappears from his room.

Zayn lays there trying to compress what Harry just said and when he does finally understand his words he shoots up from his bed and runs to Harrys’.

“What do you mean pack?” he asks approaching Harry and making him face him. ”What happened?” he asks as soon as he takes in Harrys face and red eyes.

“He knows Zayn, probably all of them knows, I can’t stay here…I- I can’t Zayn!” he says and forcefully throws his clothes into the bag.

“Wait, wait Harry. Just stop” Zayn says holding Harrys hands from any movement. “Did you tell him? All of it?” he asks.

“No, I didn’t… he just… he gave me this… this slip of paper, it was from newspaper and there was this article on it… and-“ Harry starts and he doesn’t have much strength left to finish and he is pulled into a hug by Zayn. It feels nice, it helps in some way and he is glad he has someone like Zayn.

“Okay, okay if you want we will leave, but wait at least till sun is up, yeah?” he says and rubs soothing circles on Harrys back, letting him cry on his bare shoulder. He doesn’t hear an answer from Harry, but he feels him shaking his head in approval.

After a moment of just holding Harry he finally gets him to lay down in his bed, it’s not long till he falls asleep. He knows that this isn’t just of trying to escape the truth; he knows that this is about Louis as well. Zayn watches Harry and he looks much older than he should have, he looks tired and there isn’t anything else Zayn would want to do to make it better, to help Harry and that’s what he is going to do, he will take it upon himself to fix this, to fix this for Harry, because he deserves to be happy, even if he doesn’t allow that to himself.

He reaches for Harrys’ phone and switches it off, he takes the corner of his blanket and covers him after going and turning off the light, and leaving his sleeping body behind the closed door. He goes to his room and picks up his own phone. He has to do this; they might hate him for this being so late in the night but he doesn’t have time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo Hi, Hi and Hi :)  
> first of all and most important is THANK YOU everyone for leaving kudos and commenting, you help me a lot <3 much love sending out to every and each of you my personal sunshine's!  
> secondly sorry for this being so late, my life is a mess right now and i haven't had a time to just sit down and write at all, so all i did was used every little break i had to write a little here and there and today i locked myself away from everyone and sat down with all my notes and put them together. hope the chappy was okay?  
> i don't know when the next chappy will be, hopefully next week, because i have another 3 horrible and busy weeks approaching for me, but i'll use every spare minute i have, because i will finish this for sure and we are close to the end :)  
> and i know its not nice to leave on the cliffhanger,but i promise it's the only one ;D
> 
> thank you for sticking by xx


	11. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haaaaai!!! :)  
> YaY i managed to get it done quite fast and this prolly is the longest chapter so far, well, it definitely IS longest haha, but that's thanks to [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4URCe40Y0sI) and [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9u3y5fmoAvA) song! i dunno they were quite inspiring for me.
> 
> Enjoy! :)
> 
> comments and kudos appreciated! xx
> 
> sorry no POV's again, probably won't be till the end.

“Hey, I’m sorry if I wake you mate,” Zayn says as soon as Niall opens the door. His hair is all over the place sticking in all directions and he is rubbing sleep out of his eyes.

“This better be worth it,” Niall says around a yawn scratching at his scalp.

“Is Liam here?” Zayn asks hearing a door closing behind him and not wasting any more time by taking off his shoes or jacket he goes down the hallway where he knows the living room should be. And there he is, Liam, looking like he never went to sleep, but there is a slight worry to his face expression when he sees Zayn.

“Hey” he nods and stops the pacing he’s been doing ever since Niall called him over.

“Sorry for being this so late in the night Liam, I had no choice,” Zayn says smiling apologetically.

“What’s this about? Why Edward and Louis isn’t here?” Liam asks straight cutting to the case.

“That’s what I guys want to talk about” Zayn says and sits down on the armchair, Niall goes over to the couch and takes a spot next to still standing Liam, he pulls on his hand and he sits down as well.

“Go on” Niall says and reaches to grab a handful of nuts from the table.

“So… I don’t even know where to start guys, erm there is something I want to tell you, but I have a feeling you guys already know,” Zayn starts and he feels a little uneasy, this isn’t his story to tell, it’s Harry’s, but he isn’t here and he wants to leave and he can’t let that happen.

“That Edward is Harry Styles? Yeah pretty much” Niall says mouthful of nuts and Liam shoots him a glare.

“Sorry if- if that like crept him out. You know the other day’s events” Liam says his head hanging low and eyes cast on the ground.

“It’s alright, it’s better that you guys know, at least I have to skip that part and I couldn’t think of how to tell you guys, after all it’s his story to tell,” Zayn says and smiles a bit to reassure Liam.

“Louis’ was the worst” Niall laughs running his greasy hand through his dishevelled hair.

“Okay, so the thing is… They… something happened today, I don’t know what, but Harry came home after dinner with Louis and woke me up just to say that we are leaving, so I suppose it didn’t went that well,” Zayn says and he skips the part where Harry broke down crying, they doesn’t have to know it in full detail, right?

“Don’t you think we should talk at least to one of them and find out what happened? We can’t just come together and talk about something that maybe didn’t even happen,” Liam speaks, “and if this has to do something with Louis, I… that probably could be true, because he tends to go overboard with trying to make everyone happy except for him, I bet that’s what he tried to tell Harry, you know, figure him out.”

“And Harry probably didn’t let that happen, because he can’t trust anyone besides himself and he is stubborn as ass,” Zayn finishes with a sigh. “Shit, this is just ridiculous, as soon as Harry’s up he will be off to airport with me or without” he adds rubbing at his temples.

“Sounds like we have to deal with two Louis’ here” Niall says with a smile.

“Or two Harry’s” Zayn adds.

“I don’t know the full detail of Harrys’ part, but they are so much alike, I can’t even believe they can’t see it. Obviously they are the only ones who can fix this,” Liam says sharing a quick glance at the clock.

“They just need a little push from us,” Niall starts.

“What do you suggest?” Zayn asks, “Lock them up and wait?” Zayn smirks.

“Good idea” Niall exclaims and one of the nuts falls out of his mouth, and Zayn and Liam stare at him like a mad man.

“I think you forgot the part where Harry is leaving, there is no way I could get him anywhere else besides the airport,” Zayn says shrugging. As good as that idea sounds it would be impossible to fool Harry, once he sets his mind on something, in this case leaving with the sunrise, he will do it, no matter what and nothing can stop him from that.

“Hmm” Niall hums in thought.

“But what if Louis would send him a message, like to come over or something,” Liam says almost shooting up from the idea.

“There is no way Louis will send him a message without us telling him about the plan, that’s impossible Liam,” Zayn says, though the idea wouldn’t be that bad. What ever happened at the dinner could be a reason, really.

“Who said that he has to know about it?” Liam asks with a raise of his brows and a smile on his lips.

“Yeah, Li could text to Harry form Louis phone and you do the same Z, get them both come over here and we lock ‘em up,” Niall says finally paying his attention to conversation, not the bowl with nuts in it.

“Now this sounds like a good plan” Zayn smiles rubbing his hands together, he knows for sure Harry will be mad after he will find out all of it were a way to fool him, but if this goes down good enough he maybe be a little thankful too.

They sit at Niall’s for another two hours going over their plan over and over again, till everyone knows what they have to do to make it work. They have set times when Liam will go over to Louis and hopefully will be let inside to get a hold of his phone, he will text Harry to meet and talk about their last night events and hopefully Harry will take the bite and won’t think why Louis would want to meet at Niall’s, but for that Zayn will be right next to Harry when he receives the message to reassure him to go and see what happens. If their plan will work successfully they might end up without a need to buy tickets back to Singapore.

After clock hits 3 am they decide to call it a night and head home, all of them know that they have probably the longest day in front of them to survive and they need to rest as well.

***

“Good morning” Zayn says to Harry as soon as he walks down the stairs feeling like a shit. Ever since he woke up he have a feeling like a bus run over him, his head hurting, limbs too heavy and tiredness never leaving his body. He could just go back to bed and sleep all day, but they have a plane to catch.

“Hey, you ready?” he asks to Zayn filling his cup with hot water for his tea.

“Yep, got my bag in the car,” Zayn says and flips another page of his newspaper. _Strange_. Harry thinks, _he never reads_ , but he doesn’t have time to go into much detail for that. “Can I ask you something?” Zayn says unsure placing his paper on the table.

“If it doesn’t involve last night, yes” Harry answers looking over at croissants and taking one.

“Why do you want to leave?” Zayn asks instead, because obviously Harry isn’t that stupid to not know that, that was what he was about to ask. He needs time, that’s what Zayn will give him.

“I…I just… I- “ Harry sighs unable to respond, he takes a deep breath and “I thought I was ready to return, but everything what’s happened now, I just think, like, it was too soon, I’m not ready… yet.”

“So it doesn’t have anything to do with Louis?” Zayn dares to ask and by the look how Harry stiffens he sure knows the answer.

“No ‘s just me” Harry lies and busies himself with eating and drinking his tea to escape for answering any more questions.

Zayn nods and proceeds blankly looking in his paper, he glances over at his arm watch and any minute Harry should receive the message from Louis.

Harry’s phone buzzes on the table and Zayn tries to hide his knowing smile. Harry frowns and picks it up swiping over the screen to read the message.

“Who’s that?” Zayn asks gesturing at the phone in Harrys hands.

“Is from Louis, like, he wants to talk” Harry answers, a deep line between his brows. As they expected he doesn’t write back, just hold his phone in his hand and stares at it.

“Don’t you think you should at least say bye to all of them, even if they know who you are, they were like our only actual friends here. Don’t think it would be nice to just disappear, if that’s alright with you?” Zayn says carefully eyeing Harry, one wrong word and their entire plan can go downhill.

“I guess,” Harry sighs placing his phone back on the table.

“Okay, we could go over before the ride to the airport? I don’t want to force you anywhere, but Niall said Liam will be over too, they are watching football together, Louis apparently has a football practise,” Zayn says and Harry nods in approval.

Harry gets up to wash his cup and Zayn sighs loudly to get his attention, he might sound a little overboard with that, but if it gets Harrys attention so be it. He never liked acting and he isn’t one either.

“What’s up with you?” Harry asks looking over his shoulder at Zayn.

“Wanted to message Niall to let him know we will come over, but my phone’s dead, can I use yours?” Zayn says and it takes all his will power to try and act believable.

“Yeah” Harry shortly answers, “I’m going to shower, just leave it on the table,” he adds and walks out of the kitchen.

As soon as he is gone Zayn grabs his own phone and sends message to Liam to let him know that he’s got the Harrys phone now and they can do the next step in their plan. He smiles when Liam sends him a message from his own phone saying that Louis got the phone now.

“Time for some action” Zayn mutters pressing a send button on Harrys’ phone.

***

“Louis?” Liam calls after finishing his text to Zayn and entering the kitchen, not finding his friend in there. “Louis?” he calls again.

“In here,” Louis responds. Liam proceeds further into his house to where his voice came from, finally he finds him in his spare room, sitting by the work table staring down at his phone, though Liam knows why. He glances around the room; it’s been long time since he stepped in here, after Louis accident he never really stayed in here, because this was the place where he planned every game before it even happened, every kick on the pitch he would make or shout out the command, this is where it all happened at first. Louis always had a little different look on things, he liked to be ready, he didn’t like surprises and last minute jobs, and he liked to be ready, though he didn’t saw the accident coming that day, that wasn’t what he planned for that game.

“You okay?” Liam asks carefully when he notices Louis still staring at the phone.

“Yeah, yeah… I think” he says and looks up at Liam. He could tell Liam everything and he was really a person he could trust with his biggest secrets, he’s always been there for him, even on that and through that horrible day, Louis doesn’t even want to think of. “It’s just Edw- Harry” he sighs hanging his head. Liam knows what happened, so there isn’t really a point to hide. He was the first person Louis called once he was shaken awake by his shivering body still in his hallway on the floor, it was early in the morning and he was cold, at least that’s what he thinks made him shiver, but Liam were there right after he hung up the phone.

Louis told him everything, starting from the dinner and ending with why Harry left and why he was in his hallway on the floor, and now he’s got the message that Harry wants to talk and he just, he just doesn’t know what to do.

“He sent me a message that he wants to talk? What do you think?” Louis asks Liam instead, because he doesn’t trust his own mind to make any decision at the moment.

“If you don’t want to talk I’ll understand, it’s your choice Louis and I’ll always respect your decision, you know it, it’s yours to make” Liam answers, he knows that Louis could just say _no, I don’t want_ and he hopes he won’t, but he has to sound as believable as he can, he doesn’t really likes to lie to his friends.

“I don’t want…” Louis whispers ashamed of his own words. He doesn’t like when his friends have to see him like this, like he could break any moment.

“Okay, I understand you” Liam says and he knows he have to say it now or never, “Niall said that they are leaving” Liam adds and Louis looks up at that with wide eyes.

“What?” he asks, “When?”

“Don’t know, but Zayn will be over at Nialls’ to say goodbye, maybe…maybe you should come too? He didn’t say anything about Harry though, so probably he won’t even be there” Liam says with a hope in his voice.

“I guess I could do that,” Louis says forgetting about his phone and message on it, he lays his head on top of his hands, which are crossed on the table and closes his eyes. “I’m really not ready to talk with him, even if that means I’ll never get the chance after he leaves,” he adds around a yawn, he feels tired and if they wouldn’t have to go over to Nialls’ he would go to bed and stay there all day.

Louis answer makes Liam feel more terrible than before, he literally can see the pain on his friends face, but here he is, doing everything behind his back that could possibly hurt him more or make him happy. It’s a thin line they all are walking on and one wrong move can make it the worst day of their lives. Louis will be mad at him for this Liam is sure of that, but sometimes you have to do what’s right and if that means that somebody have to be hurt in the way, he is ready to take the pain or even their friendship if it costs that much, they can’t see the love they can’t accept and deserve, so be it if they need a push and a slap on the head for not admitting the obvious, it will only drown them deeper and deeper into the bottom, there is nobody else who can fix that than them. Liam isn’t going to let his best friend lose probably another thing of his life what could make him happy, he isn’t going to just stand and watch his friend die all over again from inside.

“Louis?” Liam says when he doesn’t see his friend moving. Louis hums to let him know that he isn’t sleeping and slowly lifts his head to look up at Liam. “Zayn’s already at Nialls’, if you doesn’t feel like going I can ask him to come over here” Liam says slowly approaching Louis.

“No, it’s alright, I think I need fresh air and Niall will help me to forget about all that…for a while,” Louis says and stretches on his chair before standing up. His knee creaks and he winces at the sound.

“Is it okay?” Liam asks hearing the sound too a little frightened.

“Yeah, it’s completely normal,” Louis says running his hands through his greasy hair, he was too lazy to take the shower; he doesn’t feel like doing anything today or at all. “It tends to creak after knee fracture like that,” he mocks trying to imitate a doctor’s voice.

“If you are trying to make fun out of it you know it won’t work on me,” Liam says and he knows that Louis isn’t saying that to joke or lighten the mood, that’s just his defence mechanism going off to deal with the pain he feels.

“Yeah, okay” Louis answers rolling his eyes and both of them exit Louis house to head over to Nialls’.

It feels strangely good. Once out of his house Louis feels like he could breathe again and forget what happened over there, he doesn’t want to think about it much so he doesn’t. He isn’t even willing to return there, that house holds so many memories already and Harry would be another one of them. He thinks that maybe he could convince Liam or better Niall to stay at his, he isn’t sure yet that he could be able to spend the night alone. He doesn’t want to be alone right now, he knows that and he even fears that feeling, feeling lonely, just with your thoughts and that’s never a good combination for Louis, never. So that’s what he decides, he has asked from Liam already too much and he already has Sophia with baby on the way on his plate, and if he stayed at Niall it would be fair enough.

Sooner than Louis would want they reach Nialls’ home, there isn’t any sign of the Black Range Rover Louis remembers them arriving with and he breathes, because that means Harry isn’t there and Zayn probably walked here.

Liam knocks on the door and before someone opens Louis thinks that maybe he shouldn’t have come, probably he could just send Zayn a message and that’s that, he probably is fully aware of what happened as well.

“Finally you two are here,” Niall opens with a grin on his face, “Zayn’s already here” he adds sending a look to Liam. Louis enters before Liam with a quiet g _ood to see you mate_ and just stops in his hallway, not sure he should go further or not.

“Zayn is alone, right?” Liam asks and Niall nods still smiling. Louis proceeds to find him and leaves his friends at the door.

“Where is he?” Liam whispers to Niall pulling him back by the t-shirt.

“I sent him down to the basement; he wanted to see my guitars,” Niall whispers back “we need to hurry before he comes back up” he adds almost running after Louis.

He enters the living room just in time to catch his greeting with Zayn.

“Hey” Louis says and he feels like he isn’t sure if he should shake his hand or not, but he doesn’t get that far to actually do it, because Zayn approaches him and draws him in a tight hug.

“I’m sorry” Zayn whispers and Louis isn’t sure for what or maybe for whom?

“It was nice knowing you Zayn, I’m sorry it all went like this,” Louis says stepping a little back.

“No worries, we will keep in touch yeah? Maybe you guys come and visit” he says and looks at the Liam and Niall too saying his last words.

“Okay, okay, no time for crying, Louis will ‘ya help he bring up the boxes of beer from my basement?” Niall says already stomping to basement door.

“Basement? Since when-“ Louis starts, but is interrupted when Liam grabs him swiftly by his hand and pushes towards Niall with words “Just go, will you,” Louis looks back at him confused, but proceeds to follow Niall.

“Ladies first,” Niall grins gesturing with his hand and holding the door open with other.

“Do I look like a lady to you?” Louis mocks, but goes in anyway.

He is taking his first steps down the stairs when he hears the door shut behind him with Niall saying “I won’t let you out before you get your shit together.”

“What are you--“ Louis starts and when he reaches for the door handle he realises it’s locked. “What is this? Niall!!! What kind of sick joke is this?!” he shouts banging on the door.

“Calm down Louis, just talk with him,” Louis hears Zayn say.

“Please don’t hate me Louis, its better this way” Liam adds sounding sad.

Louis is about to ask what they are talking about when he hears steps, he turns around to see Harry, stopping midstep, looking at him with confusion.

And that’s when Louis understands. “Niall!! You little shit, let me out! Now!” he shouts and pounds on the door harder. He doesn’t receive any answer from the other side of the door and he sighs loudly giving up. He hits his own forehead lightly on the door and whispers “they locked us in, shit”.

He doesn’t hear anything else for a moment than his own breathing, he turns around and he sees that Harry isn’t there anymore. _Maybe it wasn’t real?_ Louis thinks, _maybe it was just some mirage, his brain playing jokes with him._ He pulls the handle of the door once again to make sure it isn’t locked, but it still is and with a shrug he walks down the steps.

There he is. Harry, a man who he didn’t want to see at all today, standing by Nialls’ guitars and lightly brushing his fingers over their surfaces, collecting the dust under his fingertips like it would be something fragile, like he would be scared to brake it if he touch any harder.

Louis goes over to Niall’s old sofa what’s been sitting here for years and when his bum lands on the sofa big dust cloud shoots up and he has to cough before it vanishes.

The light lets out a weird buzz and it’s too quiet, it feels like Louis would be alone here, but the sudden strum of guitar makes him turn his head to watch Harry’s hand pull away from one of their strings.

He looks scarily beautiful. The dim light of Nialls basement falling on his back and hunched shoulders making his pale arms look almost golden in its light and his face hidden by the shadows and wild curls held by headscarf. If Louis had to describe how he feels right now, he would, pretty much, let out the same low noise that he heard from the old guitar just moments ago. He looks down on his lap and he isn’t sure what to do. Should he talk? Should he not? “Shit” he breathes and rubs at his temples.

“You said you want to talk to me, but you haven’t since, so I guess that wasn’t you,” Harry finally speaks strumming yet another string. In some way it calms him.

“Of course it wasn’t me, it was their plan all along,” Louis says, his voice coming out much harsher than he would want, “you texted me the same, by the way” he adds with a sigh.

“Oh” Harry says and it falls quiet again.

Harry walks slowly by the walls looking at every picture hanging there already covered with dust, some of them would be funny, but it isn’t in him to smile or laugh right now. All he can think of is that other person in this room and with every minute it’s getting harder and harder to just ignore the swelling feeling inside of him. He just wishes he wouldn’t have to go through this like that, he isn’t sure he could fight the feeling alone, he isn’t even sure he wants to.

“Anybody alive in there?” they hear Niall calling and none of them answer. “Okay, be back later” they hear again.

Louis sighs, “I guess they aren’t going to let us out just like that,” he says standing up and cleaning his jeans from dust. He approaches the same wall where Harry is standing and concentrates on one picture in particular. It’s a picture of him with Liam and Niall, all of them photographed on the football pitch, the same one which changed Louis life. Niall has a grin on his painted face and he looks so proud to be standing next to Louis, that he thinks how he didn’t saw it earlier. Louis looks over at Liam in the picture and he looks proud as well, they are hugging Louis from both sides and they are proud and happy, even Louis is happy, he isn’t sure when he was that happy last time. There always was something missing, something Louis can’t explain.

“Does it hurt?” Harry speaks and Louis barely catches his words.

“Hurts what?” Louis asks confused.

“To see this,” he points at the picture, “to see yourself the way you were before”.

“Haven’t changed much,” Louis says and he looks down at the old wood floor under his feet.

“It hurts me” Harry says after a moment and Louis looks up.

“To see these pictures?” Louis questions.

“No…” Harry responds, “It hurts to see my own, before all what happened,” Louis hears how he takes few breaths before he continues, ”They still send me messages you know, thousands of them every day and it…” Harry sighs, “It makes me think if it wasn’t a mistake,” he finishes turning around and slowly walking away.

“Was it?” Louis asks lowly. Suddenly even the air feels too fragile to talk louder, scared that each word could break something.

“No, when I remember why I did it, I just wish I could change some things, but it’s too late now” Harry says and takes Louis already marked spot on the sofa.

“You would never hear me say this, but it’s never too late” Louis says smirking at his own words. “You know it does hurt, even if I try not to accept it and say I’m fine, I’m actually not, I never was,” he adds approaching the guitars. He bends down at the light brown one with a heart scribbled on it. “Do you… have you performed ever since?” Louis dares to ask repeating Harrys movements over the guitars surface.

“No” he hears Harry respond, he looks over at him where he sits in his spot, his head hanging low, his hands clasped together in front of him. “I didn’t dare to, all I ever allowed myself was the old songs here and there when I’m alone, and that’s it.”

“Why? You were at another part of the world and it’s like 5 years, your voice have definitely changed” Louis says, because that’s true, he isn’t a teen anymore, he is grown up man and his voice is so much deeper, he lets himself imagine how he would sound while singing.

“It’s not that, it’s just… I feel guilty when I try to, I feel like I would let them down, hurt them… if they find out,” Harry says and Louis can hear the pain in his voice.

He doesn’t have to ask who ‘them’ are, because he understands that it’s his former band mates he is talking about. “Why’s that?” he asks.

“I just… I feel like… like, if they would find out, they would think I did it, because I wanted it, I did it because I didn’t wanted to be in the band, which isn’t true,” Harry says and Louis understands him, because he isn’t any different, it’s just that he happens to be afraid to play again, just of the fear to let everyone down and hurt people around him.

Louis reaches for the guitar and takes it in his hands, he goes over and sits next to Harry and when he lifts his gaze he carefully hands him the guitar, “Play me something” he says looking straight into his green eyes, they look darker and little glassy into the dim light of basement.

“What?” Harry questions.

“Anything, just play something” Louis says brushing his fringe out of his own eyes.

He watches Harry situate the guitar in his lap and strumming lightly on its strings. He fiddles a little in his spot and after clearing his throat he sings.

“ _Even when the sky is falling down, even when the earth is crumbling ‘round my feet…_

_Even when we try to say goodbye and you can cut the tension with a knife in here…_

_‘Cause I know what’ll happen, if we get through this_

_And if the earth ends up crumbling down to its knees, then baby_

_We just gotta get out, we just gotta get out_

_And if these skyscrapers tumble down and crash around, then baby_

_We just gotta get out, we just gotta get out…”_ Harry sings and it lets him forget for a while, what kind of mess his life really is, for a moment he forgets where he is and with who, all he can think of is that he sings and it feels so good, it feels like he never stopped and that’s all what he thinks of, the lyrics and the guitar in his hands, the soft sound it makes and with every strum over the string he feels like his walls are doing just like the words he sings, they crumble down piece by piece.

“ _’Cause I feel so damn lost…_

_And it comes with the cost of being alone,_

_Everything is falling down, we’re suffering, helpless thoughts and out we sing prayers go to the sky._

Louis listens to Harry’s low and deep voice singing every word and he couldn’t deny how true his words really are, even if he wanted. He couldn’t have chosen more appropriate song for them to describe how they feel. Louis literally can see every emotion on Harry’s face, he can tell that he sings his heart out and he feels a little uneasy that maybe he isn’t allowed to see him like this, vulnerable and even fragile, with so much emotion in every word what comes out of his mouth in low and pained notes. It makes Louis understand how much he’s been through just form looking at him, listening to his story and finding that it does match his own.

_And if the earth ends up crumbling down to its knees, then baby_

_We just gotta get out, we just gotta get out_

_And if these skyscrapers tumble down and crash around, then baby_

_We just gotta get out, we just gotta get out._

_And if we fall, it’s not your fault_

_Shadows covering, our selfish foes_

_As our love can go out on a high note”_ Harry continues to sing and his voice breaks a little on last note from too much emotion. He opens his eyes just to see Louis staring at his and for a moment it’s like he can’t hear anything, like he is under the water and he can’t hear even the strumming of the guitar. Here, in this moment he realises what he has been escaping all this time and what he have been missing. He feels like he wasn’t afraid, but more like scared that there wouldn’t be anyone else who could make him happy, there wouldn’t be anyone else besides Zayn that would be there for him no matter how hard he would fall, nobody could be there to help him get up. He lost all of those people 5 years ago, he lost ability to trust himself that there could be new life for him, he was living in his own grave all these years and he feels stupid realising that no, he didn’t move on, he didn’t ever since he landed in Singapore promising him new life, which he never built, he didn’t even tried. He sings looking straight into Louis deep blue eyes, which reflect the same emotion, emotion he thought isn’t for him, emotion he thought he can’t have and never allowed to have. Love. And that’s all he can think of singing the last of his song.

“ _Even when the sky is falling down, even when the earth is crumbling ‘round my feet…_

_Around my feet_

_And if the earth ends up crumbling down to its knees, then baby_

_We just gotta get out, we just gotta get out_

_And if these skyscrapers tumble down and crash around, then baby_

_We just gotta get out, we just gotta get out._

Harry proceeds moving onto slower temp again and as he sings the last notes of the song, he sings them meaning every word, because he is shit with words and there isn’t better way than tell how you feel than through a song.

_And if the earth ends up crumbling down to its knees, then baby_

_We just gotta get out, we just gotta get out.”_ He finishes all the while looking into Louis eyes and he can see them glass over, because he understands what it was about. He knows what it meant.

They look at each other what feels like hours, not moving and neither of them saying a word. They hear a lock turn somewhere, but they doesn’t even acknowledge it, all they see and can think of is each other.

Finally Harry breaks the stare and places the old guitar on the floor, as soon as his hand lets it go and he straightens Louis latches on to him. They kiss and it feels like Louis is catching every word what left Harry’s mouth trying to taste it. Harry wraps his arms around him and pulls him into his lap impossibly closer. They kiss and feels like they never did before, this feels new and Harry feels the need to protect it, he feels the need to protect this boy is his hands. Harry can feel his own heart beating loudly in his chest and he swears he can feel Louis’ beating against his, it feels like they are one, they have one heart and all this time he felt like missing something, maybe that’s what it was, his heart just a half without him.

They kiss tasting each other, their tongues rolling around each other in a dance. Harry tastes like mint and apples and it feels so impossibly good to feel his strong arms around Louis own, much smaller body. He feels like he can lean on him, he feels like Harry’s the anchor who can hold him up or bring him down into the deepness of his own ocean of emotions. He is willing to do drown if that means that Harry would be there right beside him to make sure he is fine and let him be happy, and keeping his own fear as far away as possible.

They feel like one and this feels like a dream from which Louis never wants to wake up.

He pulls away from his lips just as Harry does and they stay with their foreheads pressed together, just looking at each other, making their vision go cross, but it doesn’t bother them, all they can do is take it all in, all what happened between them.

Harry rubs his fingers lightly over both of Louis cheekbones and when he smiles he is rewarded with the same, genuine smile from Louis, a smile from the picture across the room, where he smiles with his eyes just a small slits with crinkles around the edges and his lips pulled apart like the could break in two. He kisses him again, just because he can, before pulling off and for the first time letting his heart speak.

“I love you, Louis” he whispers, because that’s only for Louis to hear, every word what from now on comes out of his mouth seems like just for him.

“I love you, Harry” Louis responds as quiet as Harry and he can feel the weird bubbling in his stomach, because he feels excited about this, he feels like he could climb the highest mountains and swim deepest oceans and run million miles for love he feels.

They know that there are still a lot to talk about and Louis isn’t sure he wants to leave the basement quiet walls, he feels like they just made their own little world down here. He isn’t sure what will happen when they climb up the stairs and opens that door, door to reality where what already feels like hours ago Harry is leaving and he doesn’t want that, he doesn’t want to feel like he lost yet another reason what makes him happy.

“’m not leaving now” Harry whispers against Louis neck, accentuating every word with a kiss.

“But-“ Louis starts, but he didn’t get to finish when Harry’s lips meet his once again.

 “Aww aren’t they cute” they hear Niall coo behind them.

Harry looks past Louis when he hides his face in the crook of his neck and sees all three of them walking down the stairs Niall in front and Zayn behind him, followed by Liam. Zayn and Liam looks a little scared and Harry knows why, he should be mad at Zayn in particular, but he can’t really try and find any strength to feel that way towards his friend. After all he’s been there 4 of his worst years when he has to think about it and he knows that sometimes he needed Zayn’s push in right direction, like today, Harry wanted to leave, but if Zayn wouldn’t be as good friend as he is he would let him leave, not even trying to help and fix this, Harry wouldn’t be able to hold Louis in his hands, he would just leave with yet another hole in his heart and empty feeling in his chest.

“I’m still mad at you,” Harry says holding back a laugh to Zayn, but he laughs anyway, because he can’t really be mad at him and Zayn knows that very well.

“Sorry you know I just couldn’t let you do that to yourself again,” Zayn says and they come closer, Louis finally finds the strength to crawl out of Harry’s lap and stand. Harry stands as well and Zayn hugs him with the words “I’m happy to see you happy” he retrieves and hugs Louis as well.

“I’m glad I have you guys,” Louis says after and Niall practically jumps on him to hug him, with Liam it’s a little bit different, he still seems a little frightened that Louis could punch him or curse at him for doing such a thing.

“I’m sorry Louis, I‘m so sorry” Liam says against his shoulder hugging him close.

“Just promise me one thing Li,” Louis says after he draws back, Liam lifts his brows in question and Louis continues, “If you ever, _ever_ lie me again, I’m seriously going to punch you” he can’t stop the smile creeping on his lips though.

“Okay, yes, I promise, I’m sorry about that Louis,” he says and Louis fondly rolls his eyes at that.

“Stop apologising, yeah? What’s done is done, let’s move on” Louis says and claps on his shoulder assuring.

He can’t remember last time he felt that happy as now, all of them together sharing the same bright eyes and genuine smiles. This is what Louis promises himself to never lose, his friendship with any of them, no matter what future holds he will do everything possible to make it right, to never lose them and keep them as close as he can, because true friends isn’t that easy to find, he almost feels like in just one day he gained four brothers, which he never had.

“So, what now?” Zayn asks casually situating his arm on Niall’s shoulder.

“We move on to the next step,” Niall says like it couldn’t be more obvious.

“And what’s that?” Liam asks before Louis or Harry has a chance to.

“Mission Harry coming out,” Niall says punching Harry lightly in the shoulder and Harry feels like just from that he could fall over, because suddenly he feels weaker than he should in his knees.

“W-what?” he questions at the same time when Louis does and they share a glance.

“Hey, hey, wait a minute Ni, not that fast, we just barely few minutes ago got our shit together and you throw something like that on him?” Louis says taking a step in front of Harry, feeling like he is big enough to shield him from anything thrown his way, it’s sudden and unfamiliar feeling to Louis, to protect someone in this case Harry.

“Okay than tomorrow?” Niall questions and Liam sends him a glare slapping his head. “What was that for?” he asks turning to look at him.

“Stop it Niall, not today and not tomorrow, don’t you think that’s Harry’s decision?” Liam asks him.

Niall nods understanding and says a quiet sorry under his nose.

“You know guys, he is probably right,” Harry breaks the sudden silence and everyone looks at him like he just grew another head. “I’m done hiding, but I’ll need your help” Harry adds a little unsure, but he has to do this, it will be difficult, but he has to. If he want to start a new life he doesn’t want to hold his old like a burden, he is tired to run from it, it’s time to finally face it and if this happen to be his worst decision he ever has made, than let it be. He looks around at every one of his friends, some with fear on their faces and a little unsure, but he isn’t afraid, he has nothing else to lose as long as he has them, as long as he has Liam, Zayn, Niall and Louis who will be through it with him. As long as he feels love towards each of them, but little more and different towards Louis, his love will make him stronger than ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO? any good, any bad? let me know, we have 3 more chapters left with epilogue! sadly it's all coming to an end :(
> 
> THANK YOU once again for the lovely comments and kudos! you light up my world like nobody else!! a bit cheesy i know :)
> 
> okaaay see you again for the next chapter, can't tell when, but if not this weekend than next week for sure! :) xx
> 
> [tumblr](http://arrow-to-my-heart.tumblr.com/)


	12. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Halooooouis :D
> 
> I wanted to post it on #4years1D day, but... well, here you go chapter 11!  
> enjoy!

“So, with what should we start?” Zayn asks and they silently glance over at Harry who is sitting on the one end of the couch, Louis squeezed in next to him.

After they came back upstairs from the basement it felt kind of weird having them call him Harry at first. As hard as it was Harry told them his story, from the day it begun and was just the thought, till the day before. He didn’t want to keep any secrets from his friends and after he was done with the story of his life every one of them had a slight moist in their eyes, even Niall who never seems to be sad. They hugged Harry after that and promised to never leave his side, and that was when Harry thought he will cry, just to hear something like that, made his heart ache, but not from the sadness, but from the realization that he would have left behind such a wonderful friends, he feels like his heart could burst from happiness and love towards them.

Harry sighs heavily, because this is big and when he left he never thought he will have to come back again, but here he is, figuring out how to do it better, how to not send, not just him, but whole world into heart attack.

"Shit, how do you come back from dead?" Harry questions and lets out something between laugh and whimper.

"I have two things to say" Liam speaks up and everyone turns to look at him where he sits in armchair clutching a glass of water in his lap, "first, who, ever told that you were dead Harry?" He asks raising his brows, "and secondly, how about your family?"  He finishes and let’s silence fall over them again.

"You know he is right, Haz. There never was any evidence that you were dead, you just went missing and nobody found you just because you didn’t want to be found, there never was a funeral or something like that, never, all what that was, were assumptions and you know how great stories newspapers like to write. So all we have to do is tell the world why you didn’t want to be found and why you did it" Zayn says and to Harry it sounds so simple, but these are just words, it will be much harder to put them into actions. Louis must have felt his uneasiness, because the next moment his hand cups his shaking knee, his gesture much calming to Harry than he could imagine.

"You know you don’t have to do this so soon, don’t you?" He whispers leaning closer, just for Harry to hear.

He looks down at the worry on Louis face and even if he thinks that it’s too soon, he doesn’t want to hide; he wants to be able to love freely. He is so fucking in love with this boy, a man, who is looking at him like he would hold all the worlds treasure and it scares him a little, but he wants this, he wants it so bad.

He nods never breaking the stare with Louis and when he says it his eyes never leaves his blue ones, it seems too much calming and easier to talk when he can get lost into his blues, he feels like he is staring into the ocean, he literally can feel it’s waves crashing against his toes, just a little, just a little and that’s enough for Harry. “Yeah, he is right” he finally speaks again, “I want to come out, but there is something I have to do first, I have to make this right,” he continues, after taking another deep breath he looks again at Louis “I’ll need your help Lou, for this I’ll need you to come with me, because I’m not sure I can do it alone, will you?” he asks.

“You don’t even have to ask me Harry, but what are you talking about? Where are we going?” Louis asks, because he wants to know and he wants to make this easier for Harry.

“Home” Harry simply states looking at all of them and he thinks he sees Liam choke a little on his water.

“You mean home, _home_?” Zayn questions.

“Yeah, I think that’s where I should start, with my family, what I did was wrong and I never should have cut them out, not even when I was at my worst and I’ll never forgive myself for that, what I made my parents go through it’s just…” Harry says suddenly feeling so small, his eyes cast downwards. He isn’t sure what his mothers, stepfathers and sister’s reaction will be to all this, but just thinking about that he feels like he is going to break. Break into million little pieces, because they think he is lost forever, he has to think about how he should show up, because obviously he can’t just knock on the door with a smile on his face and say “Hi, I’m back, because I missed you” that isn’t going to cut it. “Shit, what kind of mess I have made,” he says with a sigh and leans on his hands while rubbing his face, he feels tired, so tired.

“Don’t worry about it today anymore, okay?” Louis says running soothing hand over Harrys’ back, he doesn’t like seeing Harry like this, he is born to be happy, like a sunshine, glowing at everyone, but this, this just makes Louis sad and there is nothing else he want to do than lift all the weight off his shoulders and hug him tight like a koala and never let go. He lightly bumps his forehead against his shoulder muffling a yawn, “I think we should all head home, it’s like almost morning and we all should get some sleep, yeah? It’s been long day already” he says turning his head to look at the other three, his head still resting on Harrys’ shoulder, it suddenly feels so heavy he isn’t sure he can lift it without breaking his neck.

“Yeah, that’s a good idea, Sophia probably will kill me for coming home so late,” Liam groans stretching his legs and arms making few bones pop.

“Do you… do you think you can, like, keep it from her for now? Just after I have told my family, please?” Harry says, he is about to come out, but he feels like his family should be first before anyone else knows, he feels like he owns at least that to them.

“Don’t worry mate, it’s your choice I’m not going to tell her,” Liam says standing up and that’s a sign for everyone else to stand too.

“Let us know when you are going, yeah?” Niall chimes in sounding a little too excited.

“Is just me and Harry for that Ni, you stay home” Louis says erasing Nialls’ smile from his face.

“He is right Niall, I don’t want to show up with a bunch of strangers at my house when they doesn’t even know I’m alive,” Harry says apologetically, but it wouldn’t be good idea to take everyone with him, if something goes wrong, he isn’t sure he could stay around them if his mother would just kick him out and stay angry for the rest of his life at him.

“Okay, okay, it’s okay then, just let us know how it goes, yeah?” Niall says clapping Harry’s shoulder.

Harry nods and all of them head for the door. They say their goodbyes to Niall and outside the house Liam, and all three of them head home. They spend their walk in silence, too tired to talk and feeling the need for their sleep, it will be almost a day spent without the sleep and this pretty much reminds Harry the time when he and his bandmates went on their first tour. At that time he could do it, because he was used to stay awake for another few hours after the concert, it seemed like he got some kind of energy out of the shows, he couldn’t just sleep; he needed to calm himself from all the emotion he built on the stage.

Sooner than he would like they reach their homes and Zayn leaves Harry and Louis with a goodnight in front of his house.

Louis is a bit scared. He looks at his home and he doesn’t want to go there, he doesn’t want to spend yet another night in his cold bed. That house doesn’t have any happy memories to return to and when he thinks about it, it makes him shudder. He turns his head to look at Harry and he looks so tired, but Louis clearly can see he isn’t happy to let him go, he feels him squeezing his hand and without the word Louis follows him, sneaking his hand around his waist, feeling like he could just fall asleep right then and there.

They enter quietly Harry’s home and leaving their shoes by the door they climb upstairs to what seems like Harry’s bedroom. Louis faintly can hear water running somewhere behind the walls, must be Zayn getting ready for his sleep. They enter through the door at the end of short hallway, its dark at first, but Louis holds onto Harry’s hand tightly and soon the room is set in dim light of table lamp.

Harry’s room looks kind of empty. All Louis sees is a double bed against the wall between two windows on each side. There are few books sitting atop of the table and loads of papers scattered around on the floor, light wood guitar situated against the wall on the right side of the nicely made bed and the same wall is covered with sticky notes and few photographs. Through the open closet door he can see that there isn’t anything hanging in there and that’s when he notices few suitcases lying on the floor at the end of the bed. He wants to ask if that’s from today when he wanted to leave, or if they are like that since they moved in their new home. When Harry pulls over his head his t-shirt and throws it on the chair by the table, it makes it only clothing Louis sees, because comparing to his own bedroom where clothes are in piles on the floor, it’s odd not seeing it at first.

They spend another 15 minutes just to get ready for their sleep, undressing and brushing their teeth, Louis was lucky that Harry had a spare toothbrush. Louis is little surprised when Harry handing him one of his t-shirts to sleep in with, crawls in the bed with nothing just his boxer briefs. Louis swallows at the thought lying in the bed with almost naked Harry, it’s been a while since he was with anyone or even slept next to somebody and the thought itself makes him nervously fiddle with the hem of Harry’s t-shirt.

Harry crawls in the bed first, settling on the left side of it, leaving Louis awkwardly standing by the feet of the bed. He is about to settle in when he turns on his side to look at him, after he has turned the lamp on the table off, room is kind of dark, but he still  can see the shadowy figure, just standing there.

“Louis?” he whispers into the dark seeing just the dark figure of him.

“Yes?” he whispers back not moving.

“Are you going to just stand there all night?” Harry questions and he sees the shadow move.

“No, I was just…” Louis says and carefully crawls in the bed. When moonlight finally hits him Harry has to remind himself how to breathe, he looks like a mirage, one side of his body glowing in the moonlight, accenting every bone and muscle, and Harry barely keeps his hands to himself, but is afraid that if he is going to touch he will vanish into the air.

“Come here” Harry says lifting the blanket. He can feel that Louis does that thing again, where he thinks too much, it makes him nervous and all fidgety.

Louis breathes and settles next to Harry leaving a space between them, but Harry isn’t having it, he smiles and wrapping his hand around his waist pulls him flush against his own body. Louis lets out a surprised squeak and after calming he sighs against Harry’s neck. He tries to breathe slowly, following every breath and he can feel that he is like a statue, frozen in Harry’s grip, waiting what will happen next. He is more than surprised when Harry softly kisses his forehead and mumbles “good night Lou” against his skin, he settles his chin on top of Louis head and lightly leaves his arm on Louis waist, just holding him.

“Good night Harry,” after a beat Louis whispers back blinking in the dark and when he starts to hear Harry’s even, but slow breaths he finally relaxes snuggling impossibly closer to his warm body, squeezing his feet between Harry’s calves and settling in the crook of his neck, just breathing him in. He slowly feels how tiredness and sleep finally takes over his body and he drifts off to sleep, listening to Harry’s breathing and feeling the soft thumps of his heart under his fingertips.

***

The first time they wake up at 8 am in the morning, it’s just been few hours since they fell asleep. Harry groans turning to lie on his back, still holding Louis under his arm. Louis’ still tired and wrapping his arm around Harry’s waist he glances up at him with just one of his eyes open.

“Let’s sleep some more, it’s too damn early,” he croaks out looking at the time.

Harry smiles looking down at him and hum in approval. He softly brushes his fingers against Louis jaw, feeling light stubble already forming there, he cups his chin and slowly lifts his head towards his. He then kisses him, straining his neck awkwardly. It’s slow and isn’t meant to turn into anything else. It’s just their lips softly brushing against each other’s making the moment much more intimate in the morning light.

After they pull away they both smile and Louis settles on Harry’s chest slowly brushing his fingertips along the defined lines of Harry’s abs. He sighs feeling content and with the last chaste kiss to Harry’s chest he drifts off to sleep again.

***

The second time he wakes up feeling soft lips on his skin. He smiles, his eyes still closed turning his head to the side where he lies on his back and that gives Harry more room to kiss him down his neck. He kisses Louis just under his earlobe and he can feel his quick pulse under his lips.

Louis lets out a breathy moan when Harry pulls down his t-shirt to get better access to his collarbone and sinks his teeth into his flushed skin.

“Good morning” Harry says after he has left a dark bruise there, lifting his head to look at him, his voice much deeper.

“Good morning to you too,” Louis responds smiling. Harry props himself on his arm and leans in to kiss him. Louis cards his hands through his hair and pulls closer; he tries to slip closer to Harry and accidentally brushes his tight against something that makes him gasp into Harry’s mouth. He pulls back watching Harry’s greens darken in front of his own eyes and the next moment he knows he is crashing his own lips against Harry’s kissing him, pushing his tongue past his soft lips.

Louis moans tugging at Harry’s hair when the lad lies almost on top of him, his growing erection pressing against Louis thigh, one of his hands roaming over his hips and tugging at his t-shirt.

They break apart for a moment when Louis awkwardly still lying under Harry’s body tries to pull the t-shirt off, Harry’s hands needy dragging after the fabric. When it’s off Harry latches at Louis collarbones again, sucking another bruise next to the other one leaving him breathless and gasping for air.

They connect their hot mouths, this time Harry’s own tongue sliding against Louis’, and Louis’ hands roam around Harry’s back pulling him impossibly closer. They grind their still clothed cocks against each other and every drag sends shiver down Louis’ spine; he thinks his legs even twitch from unbearable friction.

A moment later Harry drags his hand at the back of Louis’ thighs, his fingers softly brushing over the back of Louis’ balls, pushing a knuckle against where his hole is and Louis’ gasps into his mouth sending it straight to Harry’s straining cock.

“Fuck, Harry” Louis moans into his mouth when Harry does it again and that’s all what he needs to be pulling at his boxers waistband when Louis lifts his hips off the bed to help to get them off.

Harry sits on his hunches, the blanked of the bed pooling behind him, slowly pulls Louis boxers off followed by soft nibbles at his hip. When he has thrown them somewhere on the floor he allows himself a moment to admire Louis’ flushed body into the dim sunlight what’s seeping through the closed curtains. His skin is golden and looks so smooth that Harry has to bite his tongue to stop himself from marking every spot on it. He can see Louis’ own muscles jump when Harry drags his fingers over his torso with another hand parting his legs and makes a quick work of discarding his own boxers before settling between his legs.

He leans over to Louis who is intently watching his every move and licks into his mouth again, kissing him wetly, their teeth clanking against each other’s. He brings their now naked body’s together and when their bare erections rub against each other they let out a moan, Louis legs coming to wrap over Harry’s bum.

Harry goes on to nibbling and licking at Louis’ neck when his slender fingers wrap against Louis’ cock giving it a slow stroke and collecting the pre come with his thumb. He sloppily kisses at Louis neck and rubs his come covered thumb against his clenched hole.

Louis gasps fisting the sheets underneath him. He hasn’t been this turned on for ages and just the thought of Harry’s fingers in him would make him come right then and there. If he has to admit he has been wanking off in the shower of the thought of him, but this just takes it to another level, it’s not even comparable to his own hand.

Louis watches how Harry sits back on his haunches again and leans to the side table making his long torso stretch longer and his muscles strain against his pale skin. He reaches out and runs his fingers over Harry’s side making him jump a little and goose bumps raise on his skin. He retrieves then with a square foil in his hand and settling between his legs again tears it open some of it dripping on his fingers.

He leans over to chastely kiss Louis and whispers against his thin lips “I love you”, he settles a little back and with one of his palm spreading his bum cheeks and with other rubbing his forefinger around his puckered hole before pressing slowly in. He watches Louis face while he does it, the way his eyebrows furrow at the friction and smoothen out in time with a soft mewl when he pushes his finger deeper in him, clenching around his finger.

He pulls his finger out fully, after a while pumping it in and out, just to push in two. Harry takes the head of Louis heavy cock in his mouth, dragging his tongue along his slit and licking the pre come off. He hollows his cheeks in time with his fingers hooking inside of him and brushing past the bundle of nerves, making Louis let out a strangled moan and his body twitch. Harry speeds up with each stroke stretching his hole open with his fingers on the way out and sliding his mouth lower on the length of Louis cock.

“God Harry, just-“ Louis gasps when Harry brushes over his prostate again making his mouth drop open. He feels like he could come just of this, his cock feeling painfully hard where Harry has his soft, plump lips wrapped around him and his long fingers working him open. “Fuck me-“

Harry curses, letting Louis’ cock wet and heavy against his stomach, his rhythm dropping and giving the last deep stroke he pulls his fingers out making Louis’ back arch and his already a little sensitive hole clench around the air. He sits back on his haunches again, some of the curls falling in his face, he fumbles with the foil again to slick up his hard cock.

Only now Louis dares to look at Harry fully and he watches how he applies the lube on his long, thick cock, and Louis own cock twitch at the sight of it, knowing that after a moment it will be buried deep inside of him, fucking and stretching him apart.

“As you wish” Harry says in deep, low voice, bracing his body on one arm on top of Louis, with other holding himself against his hole and slowly pushing in. As soon as Louis can feel him inside he uncontrollably pushes himself lower and Harry’s cock deeper in him, making both of them gasp. Harry freezes for a moment when he finally bottoms out and slowly rolls his hips allowing Louis to adjust.

He feels hot sweat already forming on his forehead and the nape of his neck just from keeping his body still. Louis wraps his hands around his neck and pulls him down to connect their lips again in a wet kiss, making their saliva pool around their lips and drip down their chins. A moment later Louis wraps his leg around Harry’s hips and tugs at his curls, signalling that he can move.

They break their kiss, Harry runs his hands down Louis sides and wraps one of his arms around the Louis lifted leg, bringing it up against his shoulder, folding him in two. He slowly pulls out and quickly slides back in, making Louis thighs tremble in pleasure, feeling amazing stretched open on Harry’s cock, having missed the feeling after not being with anyone for so long.

Louis drags his fingers over Harry’s back when he pulls out and push roughly back in, making his fingernails dig into Harry’s skin. He manhandles Louis thighs apart, sitting on his own knees for leverage and lifting now both of Louis legs up, and holding onto his thighs he fucks into him faster with each deep stroke brushing over Louis prostate and making him moan, his eye fluttering and thighs trembling.

“God-“ Harry breathes, eyes locked on Louis face, he looks down where his flushed cock buries inside of Louis pink hole with quick, deep strokes making him mesmerized by sight of it, “you are so beautiful, fuck-“ Louis moans at that, clenching around Harry, making him groan.

Louis feels all over hot from Harry’s words and he knows he is close by the fluttering feeling in the pit of his stomach, Harry hits against his prostate again and the feeling makes his toes curl where his legs are slightly bouncing off of Harry’s shoulders, his own dick slapping against his lower tummy at each thrust, leaving white pre come trails on his skin. He doesn’t dare to touch himself fisting his hands into sheets, his knuckles turning white.

Harry changes his angle a bit with every next thrust hitting Louis prostate completely and Louis comes with a loud cry of Harry’s name, white trails of come spilling over his tummy. Harry stills after thrusting three more times into Louis shivering body, his eyes squeezing shut and shoulders going slack when he comes too, hot come filling Louis up inside in thick pulses.

He lets Louis legs fall off his shoulders when he slowly pulls out making Louis wince and he lays on top of him, not bothered by Louis come on his tummy, his head resting on Louis chest. They lay silently catching their own breaths, Louis hands softly carding through Harry’s sweaty curls and just revelling in the moment. Harry knows they are sticky and sweaty and he feels so exhausted to move from his spot, but he puts enough effort to grab his t-shirt off the floor which were on Louis previous and wipe at both of them. He settles back down next to Louis after throwing the shirt away and pulling the blanket back over them, with a soft kiss to his temple they drift to sleep holding each other.

***

When Harry wakes up its till dark in his room, but when he takes a look at the curtained window he can see slight sunlight colouring the morning sky, he reaches for his phone, carefully trying not to wake Louis sleeping body, his hand is still tightly wrapped around Harry’s waist even in his sleep, like he would be afraid that he could disappear. He looks at the time and it shows 6:04 am, he sighs putting it back on the side table. He is surprised that they even slept the whole night after spending the previous day in bed. He could try and fall asleep again, but he knows he won’t be able to even if he wanted. Today has to be the day when he goes back home and it scares him a lot. That thought scares him so much that he can feel his heart speed quicken and breaths coming out short and ragged.

He closes his eyes trying to calm himself down and he looks at the sleeping body next to him. Harry thinks that he hasn’t seen anyone so beautiful like Louis in his life, even when they sleep. Well, Zayn isn’t too bad of a looking guy too, but he has different kind of beauty, Louis is more like… pretty. He looks so peaceful when he sleeps, his thin, slightly pink lips parted when he breaths, they remind Harry of those rosy petals, so velvety and soft. The sunrays from the light that starts to peek in through the closed curtains falls a top of Louis head, making his messy hair glow a little, it falls over his forehead, catching his long, fanned out lashes and sharp cheekbones, his lashes twitch a little in the sleep, like he would see something behind his closed eyelids, a dream maybe? Harry hopes is beautiful dream he is seeing.

As much as he doesn’t want to get out of the bed the thought that Louis will be hungry when his eyes will flutter open does it for him. He carefully untangles his long limbs off of Louis body and pulling a duvet tighter around him he slides out of bed. Louis sighs and moves in his sleep, already searching for the constant warmness that was Harry’s body, unconsciously hugging his pillow closer. Harry carefully leans down to kiss him on his soft cheek, taking a moment longer just breathing against his skin, thinking how lucky he is to have him. A moment later he retrieves and approaching one of his suitcases he opens it pulling out his usual running clothes, deciding that it’s too early to start with breakfast, instead heading for a morning run.

He is back after almost an hour of running, panting and sweaty. It feels good to feel his muscles hurt a little; it helps him to take away all thoughts about today and what it could bring. When he heads upstairs he nearly runs into Zayn, who is surprisingly early awake.

“Heeey, isn’t it too early for you Zayn?” he asks smirking.

“Not really, just… I’m hungry by the way” Zayn says and looks anywhere else than at Harry, of course he notices that and he takes in his appearance.

“You are going somewhere?” Harry asks noticing that he isn’t in his usual home clothes, but ready to hit the street.

“Yeah, wasn’t sure when you guys will be awake, so I decided to bring breakfast for you” Zayn lies.

“Well, I’m awake now, just let me take shower and I’ll make some, yeah?” Harry says smiling and is about to proceed to his room when Zayn wraps his hand around his bicep to stop him.

“Okay, okay you caught me,” Zayn says and Harry’s grin widens, “I…erm… I’m going out for breakfastwithNiall” he quickly rushes the last words out and squeezes one eye shut, like expecting a punch or something, Harry laughs.

“At 7 am?” Harry questions.

“Yeah, I know it’s early, but… yeah” Zayn says scratching at his scalp.

“Okay, I won’t make you feel anymore awkward Z, have a fun” Harry says with a smile and Zayn lets out a breath, he suddenly feels like talking to his father, which, awkward, Harry is like brother to him and he shouldn’t feel like this.

He laughs at the thought and before he proceeds with his walk he glances over at Harry saying, “Recalling last night’s noises I’m not even going to doubt you’ll have fun too.”

This time it’s Harry’s part to flush at the words, he is about to say something back when Zayn disappears down the stairs. He turns back to face his bedrooms door still smiling and shaking his head at the memory. When he enters his room he is met by sleepy eyed Louis, lying in his bed, his blue eyes locked with his as soon and Harry comes into his view.

Harry smiles and walks over to him, sitting down on the edge of the bed and leaning down to connect their lips in the slow morning kiss. When Harry pulls back he settles against Louis forehead breathing “Hi”.

“Hi,” Louis whispers back and cards his hands through his damp curls.

“Sleep well?” Harry asks cupping his cheek. Louis nods and Harry gives him one more chaste kiss before pulling back to get clearer look at him. “You can still sleep if you want; I’ll take shower and then make us some breakfast, yeah?” Harry adds watching Louis.

“Don’t think I can sleep any more, but I could join you for the shower though,” Louis says softly running his fingers over Harry’s thigh, wiggling his eyebrows. Harry grins his dimples showing, he is about to stand up when Louis turns on his back, much more like a cat, looking up at him from under his lashes saying “carry me?”

Harry can’t help the fond smile appearing on his lips, he toes off his shoes and sweaty shirt, leaving him in just his trainers. Without the warning Harry pulls off the blanket and Louis shrieks suddenly naked, with nothing left to cover his still naked body.

“Hey now, nothing I haven’t seen” Harry smirks and wraps one hand around Louis torso, other settling under his knees. He lifts him off the bed in bridal style, Louis own arms coming to wrap around Harry’s neck. He carries Louis all the way to the attached bathroom and sets him on his feet, as soon as he does Louis whimpers a little and bends over, his hands coming to rest on his knees. “What’s wrong? Are you feeling sick?” Harry asks worry clear in his voice.

“No,” Louis breathes out, “I just feel like somebody put stick up my arse last night” he says slowly straightening. Harry reaches out and squeezes his bum at that, smiling and Louis gives him a glare in mirror. Harry just shrugs still smiling and goes on to take off his trainers leaving him naked as well.

They step in the shower when the water is hot enough to be bearable and Harry instantly pulls Louis under the stream, wetting his hair and without a word reaching for the shampoo.

It smells a lot like Harry usually does when he applies generous amount of shampoo in his hand and brings it over to Louis hair washing them. Louis revels in the feeling of Harry’s fingers softly scratching at his scalp, he lets out content sigh and feels like he isn’t even in his body, and he feels so pliant that he has to open his eyes to make sure he is still standing. Louis lets Harry to manhandle him like a puppet when he makes him turn around and stand under the stream of water to wash out the shampoo. When it’s done he soaps up the sponge and carries on to rubbing his body clean, being extra careful between Louis bum cheeks. After Harry has finished washing him he quickly washes his own hair and body with Louis greedy hands trailing after his own, they turn off the shower and step out wrapping each other in blue, fluffy towels.

They enter the bedroom feeling hot and skin glistening still damp, looking for fresh clothes to wear. Harry unzips one of his suitcases and pulls out two pairs of clean briefs, one of them giving to Louis. At the end Louis has Harry’s sweat pants on, which are a little too long and dangle at his feet, he moves to put them into his socks and tie the string a little tighter when Harry throws him a white t-shirt, it’s a little big as well, making the collar of it hang low on his chest, revealing still obvious bruises on his collarbones. Harry settles on sweatpants as well and green t-shirt which clings to his torso a little tight accenting his muscles and Louis has to swallow the saliva collecting in his mouth from the sight.

They head downstairs and Harry does a quick work to make them breakfast, scrambled eggs with toast, while he cooks Louis makes them tea and brings the butter out setting all on the table. After they have sat down finally to eat Louis swears that its best breakfast he’s ever had.

“How are you feeling about today?” Louis asks after they have talked a while about everything else in their lives.

“I won’t lie, I’m scared as shit,” Harry replies, he reaches over to put his hand on top of Louis’, “But I know I’ll be alright as long as you are there” he adds squeezing his hand.

Louis smiles at that, “I love you Harry, I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else” he says and turns his hand to squeeze Harry’s back.

Harry nods, because he knows he does, he can see it in his eyes, the way he looks at him the same as Harry does, the way he steals little touches from him, which are meant just for them to know, he feels it in the way Louis kisses him and he hears it in his heartbeat, and the way Louis’ body shudders when he touches him, making goose bumps raise on his skin, the way his back arch when he fuck him open, and he hears it in his voice when he moans out his name. He can feel it everywhere, it’s like all Louis does is radiates his love.

“I love you Lou,” Harry smiles and leans over to kiss him. Then he pulls back remembering something, “Forgot to ask, will you be my boyfriend Louis?” he asks grinning, his teeth on display.

Louis laughs playfully smacking at his chest, he places his hands at the sides of Harry’s face and tugging at his still damp curls pulls him into another kiss, replying “Of course yes, pumpkin”.

Harry can’t stop the laugh that escapes his mouth at the calling and if their kiss turns out to be sloppy and their teeth clinking at each other’s, they don’t even care.

***

At 12 pm they finally decide to leave and head to Harry’s home in Cheshire, Holmes Chapel. It takes nearly two hours to get there, but Harry has requested for Louis to drive, because he isn’t sure if he will be able to, he doesn’t want to risk any of their lives on the way there. He settles in passenger seat and when they drive out from Harry’s parking lot he starts to feel nervous with each mile closer to his home, and moment when he will meet his family again after 5 years being… gone.

They have some radio station lowly playing in the background of their small talk; it’s mostly Louis who talks, because he knows how much Harry appreciates him trying to get his mind off of things. He talks about Leeds festival and Harry has to gasp from the shock, because he was there, the same year and Louis looks at him with the words “imagine if we would meet back then?” and Harry feels a little sad that they didn’t, who knows maybe he wouldn’t have had to disappear for five years later if he already had Louis in his life, to keep him stronger and help him through it all.

Almost one hour later and half way there Harry decides to write something on his secret twitter, he hasn’t been in there since the day after the gig, afraid to read things they write, trying to figure out if it was him or not. When Harry thinks about it, it feels like it was ages ago, when in reality it’s only been almost a week since then. He pulls up the new tweet window and types out words which are currently playing on the radio.

When they drive off the freeway and the sign Holmes Chapel comes into their view Harry has to swallow the lump in his throat, he doesn’t realize that he is clutching tightly the hand holder until Louis nudges him with his hand which has been on the gear shift, Harry feels like he could jump out of the car and run all the way back to Doncaster.

They slowly drive through the small village and when Louis finally turns into Harry’s parents’ private road he stops, leaving the engine still running he looks over at Harry, he looks much paler and eyes glassy. “You sure you want to do this?” he asks once again, just to make sure. Harry just nods, not being able to make any sound. “Okay, if you think you can’t do it, just say the word, okay? And we are out of here,” Louis adds starting to drive again.

They drive through the alley of high trees and when Harry spots the old, with vines covered, red brick, two and a half story house he feels like his heart could burst out of his chest; he lifts his hand shakily and brushes his hair back, just needing the moment to catch his breath. He squeezes his eyes shut and he can’t believe he is here; he is like 10 feet away from his doorstep. He lifts his gaze in time to see curtains move in front window and he slides down the passenger seat frantically feeling for his sunglasses. Suddenly he isn’t sure that he wants to do it, he doubts himself that he is ready, he isn’t and he doesn’t know if he will ever be, because this is big step forward, he is afraid of the outcome of all this, this is the hardest thing to do, even the planning of his own “missing” seemed easier than this.

“Take me away,” he whispers, his eyes cast to his lap.

“What? Harry you-“ Louis starts shocked by his words, but he stops, because he understand how this is, it’s difficult for Harry, he can read it on his face, but he kind of felt that it could happen the moment they drove past Cheshire sign.

“Not, home Lou, just drive, I’ll tell you where” Harry says, this time louder and Louis turns the engine on, backing out of the road.

At first Louis thinks that they are going home, just the different road, but soon he realizes that they head for Manchester and Louis is about to ask why, when Harry instructs him to turn off the main road to take smaller one by the river. They drive all the way by the coast till they have to stop, because of police marked tape over the road. Louis stops already knowing where they are and turning off the engine he waits.

They sit in silence until Harry takes deep breath and unbuckling his seatbelt climbs out of the car, Louis secretly knows he should follow and he steps out of the car too. He follows Harry behind, letting him lead him to a place where it happened.

It feels strangely weird to be back here. Harry feels like he is a ghost, like he isn’t even the person who five years ago faked his missing here, just down the hill at the bank of river. He walks slowly, the small rocks under his boots letting out a broken sound. It feels like he is walking over his own dreams, because clear as day he lost them the moment he sank that car, he lost more than his dreams, he lost family and friends and it hurts, it hurts so much he feels like one of those rocks under his boot.

He stops few feet away from the water, the place haven’t been changed since last time, just a few fallen trees here and there.

“I broke the window and scratched my car up there on that hill,” Harry says pointing at the steepest side of the coast. “Then I let it roll into the water,” he continues and looks down on the obvious tire trails, he wonders if they still are his, or maybe someone else’s. “I didn’t even wait to see if it drowns, I was in the hurry to get away that I almost forgot my bag with plane ticket” he says and falls quiet.

“How did you get away? You didn’t walk didn’t you,” Louis asks stepping closer.

“No, the previous day when I came to visit my mom I rented a car and left it like 10 minute walk away from here, that’s how I got to airport and was on my way by the time they found the car,” Harry says without any emotion in his voice and Louis is concerned a little, he doesn’t like when Harry closes off and speaks like his voice would be just a record. He goes over to him where he stands with his front facing the river, his shoulders hunched, head bent.

Louis wraps his hands around his torso and pushes his forehead against his back, “Don’t do it Harry, don’t go back there” he whispers strengthening his hold on Harry.

“I won’t Louis, I’m sorry, I won’t” Harry answers and turns around in Louis hold, cupping his chin to lift his head to look at him, “I would never Lou, I can’t lose you” he says and when Louis nods Harry leans down to softly brush his lips against Louis thin ones, Louis eyes flutter closed and he feels like he could burst from the warmness inside of him when Harry whispers “I love you” against his lips.

He smiles up at him, his electric blues locked with deep greens when he says “I love you” and then he settles under Harry arm as he leads him back to the car.

It feels like he is leaving his past behind, it felt like finally he drowned that heavy feeling in his chest and constant ache in the river, which he had to, five years ago. He climbs back in the car feeling lighter and finally he feels like he can do this, like he can do anything from now on.

When they are back in the same spot Harry has his lips chewed dark red. He’s been saying “Okay I’m going now,” at least 10 times now and Louis doesn’t even dare to laugh, because this is the biggest step Harry has to make.

“Okay,” Harry breathes and takes off his sunglasses, he unbuckles his seatbelt and running his sweaty palms over his thighs he reaches for the door handle, “Wish me luck, I’m going” he says and opens the door. When one of his legs almost touch the ground he suddenly pulls it back in and closes the door, his forehead falling against the front panel, “I can’t do it” he groans softly hitting his head against it.

“Hey, look at me love” Louis says stopping him form yet another hit. When he has lifted his gaze he continues, “If you can’t do it, can I do it for you?” Louis asks unsure, because this is Harry’s decision to make and if he doesn’t want to accept his help, he will be fine with that.

“Do you-“ Harry starts and he really would be a coward if he would let Louis do it, but there is no disappointment in his eyes and before he even says it he is already nodding. “Could you? I’m sorry I just can’t do it,” Harry says and Louis leans over the gearshift to wrap him in the hug as best as he can.

“Don’t worry okay, it’ll be fine,” he retrieves saying and with last chaste kiss he is out of the car and on the way to Harry’s home front door.

Louis stops for a moment before taking last step to knock at the door, he looks back at the car where Harry sits in, sunglasses on his eyes and he gives him his best smile he can master and thumbs up, when really he is freaking out about this himself. He takes deep breath and reaching out shaking hand he knocks.

He waits, nobody answers. He knocks again, this time louder and nobody answers. He is about to turn around and go away, thinking that nobody’s home, but he doesn’t get that far when door opens and woman’s voice says.

“No, we don’t need any of those fancy shmancy cleaning products”.

Louis turns back his head to see a young woman and she looks a lot like Harry. The same green eyes and dimples when she tries to force a smile, trying to be polite, Louis isn’t buying any of that.

“Hi,” he says instead, “I’m not here to sell you anything” he continues. The woman looks at him from his toes to head and Louis gulps realizing he is wearing Harry’s clothes, he just hopes they aren’t any of his old ones.

She squeezes her eyes to just small slits asking “What do you want then? We have watched you parked here for at least 30 minutes, you’re lucky we still haven’t called the cops, are you a journalist?”.

“I-I… well, I came to talk to you and your family, but I’m not from magazine, no” Louis says, suddenly feeling uneasy.

“About what?” she asks still watching him carefully.

“Harry… Harry Styles,” Louis says and he sees the sudden change in hers face, “Can I come in?” he dares to ask and she nods stepping back and letting him in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woop! whatcha think? i took a little risk here soh, yeah, well, kinda happened.
> 
> Thank you once again for the lovely kudos and comments! love to everyone xx
> 
> [*waves*](http://arrow-to-my-heart.tumblr.com/)


	13. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tadaaaaaa! Here it comes and sorry sorry for the cliffhanger before! love yall xx
> 
> enjoy! :)

As soon as Louis steps over the threshold and hears the quiet click of the door shut behind him he feels his heart pound so loud and fast in his chest, that it reminds him of one of those horror movies where the last ‘heroes’ have stayed alive and the killer is near. Okay, he isn’t really sure why he is thinking thoughts like that, it’s just… scary and he is in Harry’s parents’ house, his sister walking in front of him now, leading through the dimly lit hallway to… Louis doesn’t even know.

It makes him think, how much reporters and journalists come here? How often their calm life is being disturbed by those greedy people who just bring up hurtful memories. It must feel like they have to relive it all over again once any of them knock on their door. Maybe that’s why they didn’t answer Louis at first, they saw him parked in front of their house for 30 minutes thinking that he is from some kind of magazine, yet another one chasing the money off of their family loss, no doubt it was that.

While following the young woman he dares to look at the framed pictures on the wall, only now he notices how much of them are Harry’s. All he sees is Harry, Harry, Harry and Harry. He has to stop in his tracks and take it all in. They aren’t framed in dark frames like people usually do when they have lost their family, no; all of them are surrounded with light wooden frames. There is Harry wearing what seems like a mothers dress and high heels with microphone in his hand, there is Harry in schools uniform, smiling his dimpled smile and he looks so happy like that, Louis has to casually brush away silent tear. He sees Harry, he must be around 15 or 16 years of age, with the four other boys, it must be the boys from 5 Seconds of Summer. Harry holds a paper which says something about the ‘Battle of the Bands’, that’s all Louis can muster to read from the small writing, but all of them look so young and Louis really can’t explain what not, they just look like a normal teenagers, faces covered with few pimples here and there, hair over grown and greasy, ripped shirts and dirty jeans, every one of them has a sparkle in their eye as they grin to the camera and it’s just so, so beautiful, they look so happy like that, natural and untouched.

Next to that picture is another one, again, all of them together, but instead of kitchen utilities in the background they are stood in front of the white background. They look different; there are no more pimples and greasy hair, no more ripped t-shirts and dirty jeans. All of them as one clad in tight, black jeans and if any of them has a hole in t-shirt Louis can tell it is there, because it has to be, it doesn’t have a story behind it, it doesn’t have a scar peeking underneath, that’s just a piece of fashion. Their hair is styled and eyebrows plucked and Louis has to stop the shiver crawling at his skin. He doesn’t know about the others, but when he locks his eyes on Harry in that picture, Harry is smiling, but that’s not the smile Louis knows and loves so dearly, this one doesn’t even reach his eyes, he doesn’t even have a spark in his eye; it saddens Louis and makes him think, _when did it all go wrong? Did Harry in this picture already have a plan to escape? What is he thinking?_

“Are you done?” a woman’s voice brings him out of his thought and he remembers, yes, he is in Harry’s home, about to tell his family that he is alive. _Please God help me._

“Y-Yeah, sorry, it’s just…” _difficult to see Harry like that_ , Louis says and adds in his mind. He forces a smile to young woman and smirking at him she leads him further into the house.

 When they enter the spacious living room Louis spots a man. He sits in armchair, round glasses on his face, reading a magazine. He lifts his gaze off of the paper and gives Louis a very long look, like observing him and Louis has to swallow the lump in his throat and squeeze his hands tighter in the hem of his, Harry’s, t-shirt.

“Mom, we have a guest” the young woman shouts and the moment she does, through the door frame emerges much older woman, definitely Harry’s mother. Her dark hair is done in a low pony tail, dressed in blue t-shirt and black fabric trousers; apron wrapped around her waist, water and foam dripping from hers hands suggesting that she was interrupted from washing a dish or… Louis doesn’t know, he has washed dishes with his hands once in his life.

“Hello,” she says carefully observing him as well. That is something about Harry’s family what makes Louis wonder if they always have been like that or just after Harry went missing.

“Hi, sorry for barging in like this,” Louis remembers to speak and approaches the woman, “I’m Louis, Louis Tomlinson” he says stretching out his hand to her and for a moment he thinks that she won’t accept it, but she does even with her hand wet, which makes Louis just smile wider.

“Anne, nice to meet you” Anne says and Louis doesn’t know if she means the words. “Oh sorry, I made your hand wet,” she adds after a moment of realization.

“Pleasure to meet you Anne,” Louis responds, he laughs a little of the situation, ”it’s fine, it’s just the water isn’t it?” he says retrieving his hand and drying it on Harry’s sweatpants.

There is uncomfortable silence after that and Louis feels a little weird. He feels like he doesn’t quite well fit in here.

“So, _Louis_ ” he young woman speaks again, breaking the silence. “You wanted something about my brother?” she adds, her words stinging like a snake bite.

Louis sees how Anne’s posture changes after hers words, like she would say, go on, I’m ready for whatever you are going to throw my way. She is one of those mothers who would defend their children with teeth and claws.

“Well… not really, I mean… it’s… don’t get me wrong, I’m not here for another story of him or whatever, I’m here because… because,” Louis says, he feels so nervous with every word that comes out of his mouth. He takes a deep breath and “I have something to tell you about him, about Harry”.

Tick-Tock, tick-tock Louis hears the clock hitting in distance. It feels like he stopped in time and everything around him has frozen. Anne’s eyes was locked on him, even the old man stood and Louis is sure Harry’s sister is looking at him too from behind, he literally can feel hers eyes burning into his skin.

“What do you mean about my son, about Harry?” Anne asks and steps a tiny step forward, black and white painted cat emerges from the door curiously sniffing Louis sweatpants.

“Are you from police or rescue? You have any news??” young woman questions and Louis adverts his gaze to the cat, when he lifts it back up he notices how instantly Anne’s face has turned into something weak, it’s like she has shed hers mask and she looks so tired and sad, hers eyes glassing over, like to a mother who just found out that hers son is… _no, no, NO!_

“No!” Louis shouts and even the cat jumps running away. “I mean I’m not from police or whatever-“ he starts and Anne interrupts him.

“Louis, listen for a moment, please. I have spent every day of 5 years praying for the God and everything I have to see him again, do you know how it is for your mother to lose a son and never hear anything else apart from ‘We are sorry, but there is no news of him’?” she asks and Louis shakes his head no, because he doesn’t know how it is, it’s nothing compared to his lost ability to play football, it’s nothing against that kind of loss. “So tell me, what is it that you have to tell us, don’t make us suffer any more, or else, that’s what you came here for, to see us suffer?”

“No, I’m sorry,” Louis says lowly, he doesn’t want to make them suffer and he already has taken this for too long. “Do you think we could sit down?” Louis asks, the young woman sends him a glare where she is already next to hers mother, holding onto hers hand, tightly. “Okay, well…” Louis closes his eyes taking another deep breath, “I’m such a shit at this,” he mumbles and lifting his gaze he says “your son, Harry is… he is alive”.

***

“Fuck, where is he?” Harry mumbles looking at the time for the hundredth time since Louis entered the house.

He went through the possible outcomes like ten times, not even one of them included happy ending, but yet here he is, sitting in the car and suffering with his thoughts. He’s been thinking about the last time he was here. That morning when he hugged his mother and stepfather goodbye, that horrible day where he could just tell them, that horrible day when he took a piece of their hearts with him, he was so damn selfish and weak. He smirks. He hasn’t changed much, isn’t he? He is still so damn weak; he had to send his own boyfriend to tell his parents. “God I’m so pathetic”, he mumbles hitting his fists against his thighs.

He’s been chewing at his lip from nervousness thinking what could be going on in there, _what are they reaction? How Louis is going to tell them?_ “Shit, shit I’m such a coward” he says again rubbing his face with his hands.

“No, I have to go and see what is happening,” Harry says to nobody in particular and opens the car door. He slowly, on shaky legs climbs out and after closing the door he just stands for a minute, breathing in and out, in and out. He shakes out his curly locks and brushes them away from his face turning into his parents’ house direction. “Shit, I have to do this” he says and throws last look into the car at the time.

He walks, slowly, step by step approaching the house. He almost feels like if he is going to walk faster or make a noise the house will vanish in front of his eyes. With each step he takes he can feel his heart beat louder and louder in his chest, it’s like he doesn’t even hear his own steps anymore, all what’s in his ears are the thumping sound.

When he reaches the one step, which takes him in front of the door, he stops. He listens for anything, but there is nothing. No yelling, no cries, no conversation. Nothing. It’s like nobody would be home and Louis entering the house would be just a dream, but he is sure it wasn’t.

He takes shaky breath and takes the last step to get on threshold. He is about to reach and knock, but something stops him. He retrieves his hand, squeezed into fist and places against his chest, “What am I going to say?” he asks himself.

He turns around, head hung low to just think, _could it be possible that Louis haven’t told them yet? What if he did and now is trying to convince them to forgive him? What if they are so mad at him that they don’t want to hear why he did it?_ “God, it’s so much questions and I don’t even know the answer to any of them”, he says, again to nobody in particular. He must be going crazy, right? Talking to himself. It wouldn’t be surprise, really, if he did.

The door opens so fast that he doesn’t have time to think about anything else than spinning around and facing the person behind him, they almost collide. He takes in the person in front of him and his breath catch. He thought that maybe that’s Louis coming out, but no, that’s not Louis, she doesn’t look like Louis at all.

He looks straight into the greens of his own mother.

Harry thinks that he can’t breathe. This feels like, like... he doesn’t even know. He can’t explain what is really happening, because the next moment he’s been wrapped in a tight hug by his mother’s warm and strong hands and all she says is “Harry, oh my God, Harry” while crying against his chest.

Harry doesn’t acknowledge how his own hands wrap around his mother’s frame and tears stream down his own cheeks.

“I’m sorry mom, I’m so sorry” he repeats over and over again, he finally comes back to his senses and that’s all what he can say, because he is so sorry, he is so fucking sorry it hurts.

She pulls back and with tear streaked cheeks looks up at Harry, brushing his wet cheeks with hers thumbs. “My baby, I thought I’ll never see you again,” she says giving him a watery smile.

“I’m sorry mom” is all what Harry can master to say and he’s brought back into a hug once again.

He squeezes his eyes shut, trying to stop the tears, but he can’t, it’s so overwhelming that every time he thinks that his mother isn’t mad at him, just starts new wave of tears. He opens his eyes again when he hears steps coming from inside the house. He opens them to see Louis, smiling at him, even his eyes look a little glassy, but he isn’t alone, there is Gemma and Robin too and Harry has to fight yet another wave.

When he feels like he has no more tears left to cry they finally break apart, his mother going silent as well, all he hears is quiet sniffing. She adverts hers eyes on his face again like she couldn't believe hers eyes and without even saying a word they head indoors.

As soon as the door closes behind him he almost falls backwards when his sister jumps on him with words "where da hell have you been lanky, I have missed you" and hugs him so tight Harry thinks she might crack his ribs. She finally lets him go and Harry breathes, "damn, you have grown so tall, who would imagine _that_ , when you were just a chubby cheeked kid last time we saw you" she says laughing a bit, tears still visible in her eyes.

"I didn't look like that Gems, you know it" he says lowly, eyes cast on the floor, he feels a little weird when his sister talks like he hasn't done anything wrong, but he did and he can’t stop thinking about it.

Next he’s hugged by Robin, “welcome back home son,” he says into Harry’s shoulder and when he retrieves he lifts his glasses to wipe at his eyes, it’s strange to see Robin like that, Harry has never seen him cry.

“Okay, I think we should sit down for a tea and cookies,” Anne says and rushes to the kitchen.

Louis appears besides Harry and wraps his hand around his waist snuggling closer, “You alright love?” he whispers fondly looking up at Harry. Harry nods lifting his hand and brushing it against his cheek and over the sharp bone, just smiling down at him, for a moment he feels like everything is back to normal, like he isn’t at his parent’s house. Robin clears his throat and both of them jump away from each other. Harry looks at his sister and stepfather still standing there and he can feel his cheeks heating up, he completely forgot that that’s part of him they didn’t know when he saw them last time. He will have a lot of explaining to do.

Harry gives him a weak smile and they enter the kitchen sitting down around the table. Harry taking a seat on the side and Louis next to him, his hand almost with its own force goes to squeeze Harry’s thigh assuring.

Harry’s mother sets the cups on the table and Gemma helps with the plate of cookies. When all is set and she finally sits down besides Harry as well she breathes, her eyes still a little red rimmed and wet from crying.

It’s silent for a while, Harry doesn’t know if he should start, but he doesn’t know where to, or wait till anyone asks him something.

“I don’t even know where to start,” he finally breaks the silence.

“How about from the very start?” his mother asks, weak smile on hers lips.

Harry glances quickly at Louis and he nods with a smile, like saying _go on_ and squeezing his thigh again. That’s all Harry needs to find the right words and strength to speak. He looks back at his family and says “mom,” he looks at her and intertwines their hands on table top, she smiles weakly again, still not believing, ”Robin,” he says and he nods, “Gemma,” he continues and she puffs her breath out, trying to suppress a smile and rolling hers eyes, “…I’m gay”.

***

It’s nearing 4 hours ever since Harry is here and even Louis can’t believe it. He tries to wipe at his eyes casually, but he can’t, because Harry’s sister catches his every move while still managing to look at hers brother. Harry has been talking without a rest. He told them everything, all parts even Louis didn’t know and when he heard Harry say how desperate he was, all he was thinking of was _I wish I were there to help you._ He knows Harry is nearing the end by the each breath he takes and every long pause before each word, but finally Louis can see the weight of his shoulders drop, it seems like he even allows himself to relax, he isn’t that stiff like he was before they came here.

He turns his head and looks straight to Harry; he watches how his plump lips move with every slow word dragging it out endlessly. The way his lashes flutter over his deep green eyes and how there appears a deep line between his straight eyebrows when he says something particularly difficult of his. His pale skin, glowing like a frost in sunlight, enveloped by dark curls looks so unreal that Louis almost reaches out to touch. When Harry turns his head to look at him, he smiles with his dimple digging in his cheek and that’s another thing Louis loves so much, he smiles back like an oaf. He is so in love with Harry that he doesn’t even hear what he is saying, all he sees is his lips moving, but there is no sound.

“Louis?” Harry asks amused.

“What?” Louis questions coming out of his reverie. He tears his eyes away from Harry and looks at Anne, who is smiling at him and it’s warm, Robing is just observing him, it seems he does that all the time and Gemma, she is… she is chuckling. He looks back at Harry, his face showing how lost he is at the situation.

“I was just saying how good you are with kids,” Harry says and oh, Louis missed that one and since when is he talking about Louis?

“Yeah, well…” Louis blushes, _what he should say?_

“He teaches local kids football in Doncaster,” Harry says, fond in his voice.

Harry’s mother lifts hers head on the side, “how did you say your last name was? Tomlinson?” she asks.

“Y-Yeah” Louis says unsure.

“Isn’t your mother Johanna?” she asks again.

“Johanna it is, but she isn’t Tomlinson anymore, she re-married few years ago,” Louis says and it’s a little weird, how does Harry’s mother would know his mom.

“I knew it sounded familiar,” she says smiling wider, ”We both worked at the hospital in Manchester as nurses, haven’t talked her since…” she says and trails off like remembering something, she looks carefully at Louis.

“Since my accident?” Louis says and finishes for her, “yeah, that thing changes everything” he says with a sigh and this time it’s Harry who squeezes his thigh.

“Sorry, how bad is it?” Anne questions and there is no pity on hers face and Louis feels relieved.

“It has healed, but I can’t find myself to play anymore,” he shrugs and he is surprised how easy words fall off of his tongue, especially talking about something he dreads to talk. It must be something about these people that Harry grew up around, it’s like they radiate warmness and something, something that only they can have, Louis can’t quite point it out.

“Give it a time Louis, it doesn’t heal overnight,” Anne says with a smile, like she would understand what Louis has been through and he smiles back, and that’s when he feels a little bit like home too.

“And he is also my boyfriend whom I love,” Harry whispers loud enough for everyone to hear. He carefully glances at everyone and he breathes, because they still smile and his mother stands from the chair hugging him and Louis at once, kissing both on the cheeks and saying, “I’m happy for both of you,” she turns hers head slightly to Louis, just for him to hear when she whispers “Thank you Louis, thank you for bringing my baby home, I’m forever grateful to you”.

When she sits back down on hers chair she can’t stop smiling, it seems that’s all she does since Harry has returned.

“I knew there is something going on between you two, just by the way he stares at you like a creep,” Gemma says and hers mother looks at her with a gasp, Harry just grins, because he knows the way she talks, she won’t admit it, but she is happy about him. “Okay, okay I take that creep part back, but you two are just too adorable together,” she smirks and winks at Harry.

“Thanks Gems, very nice of you” Harry says and this just feels like the old days, it feels like nothing has ever changed and he just came over to introduce Louis to his family.

“You love who you love son, and if that’s this young man, I’m more than happy and there is nothing wrong about it,” Robin says and Harry knows how much he means them, he sounds proud of Harry and that’s most important to him.

***

It’s almost 10 PM when Harry says they should head home. They have spent the rest of the afternoon and near the evening they moved to the living room, in front of TV just talking and reminiscing about the old times and thanks to Gemma, Louis got to know about some of Harry’s most embarrassing childhood events. Like, when he kissed a girl for the first time he ran home crying, telling his mother that he didn’t like it, but he did it, because the little girl told him to, Louis could imagine that so easily just looking at Harry and the way his cheeks reddened at the story.

They laughed and talked not even noticing how time run past. It felt almost like they were sitting in the time machine, which brought them back in past and allowed to relive all of it once more. It felt good that they could fall back into normal conversations after Harry has been gone for so long, but still when he stopped to take it all in he still could feel a little ache in his heart.

“As nice as this has been, I think it’s time for us to go, sadly” Harry says and it’s just so difficult to say it.

“Can’t believe how time flies” Anne says standing up to hug Harry and then Louis. “I’m happy you’re back home Harry, I love you, okay, don’t forget that” she says holding Harry at arm reach. “Thank you once again Louis, greet your mother from me, okay?” she says turning to Louis.

“I will Anne and you can’t believe how happy this makes me, when Harry is happy, it’s all what matters” Louis says and he says that with such love, she has to hold back a tear.

“Call me when you get home, okay?” Anne says walking them to the door, Harry nods smiling and Gemma grabs Louis by his hand to leave Harry, Anne and Robin to walk to their car alone.

When they have stepped outside Gemma turns to confused looking Louis. “Thank you Louis” she simply says.

“No worries Gemma, this is where he has to be,” he answers.

“No, I mean thank you Louis for what you have done for him, but for us, thank you so much for that, I haven’t seen my mother smile like that for 5 years Louis, so thank you” she says and hugs him tightly.

“You’re welcome Gemma, you’re welcome” he responds hugging her back just as tight.

“You know you should both come back over the weekend, grab those friends of yours back from home and let’s make Harry a proper welcome home party, with drinks and football, I promise I’m better than my brother,” she smiles after the hug and says with a little laugh.

“Yeah, I think Harry would love that,” he says smiling, “hey, I hope you can prove those words at game” Louis continues and it’s the first time he doesn’t feel scared that he will have to play football with somebody, he doesn’t feel that anxiousness boiling inside of him and crawling at his skin like he usually did, all he feels is excitement for the upcoming weekend, when he will come back and enjoy it with everyone.

They hug once more and Gemma stays at the door waving to Harry from afar where he climbs in the car. Louis approaches Anne and Robin hugging them once again, promising them to come back at the weekend and they sound as excited as Louis does and Harry watches all that with amused smile and sparkling eyes.

A moment later after _see you soon’_ s are told they are back on the road. The night around them falling like a thin blanket. They spend their trip back home in silence, radio playing lowly in the background, just thinking and remembering everything what has happened today. They both know that this day couldn’t have turned out better. They drive through the darkness back home knowing that somehow both of them have healed the constant ache and emptiness in their chests.

***

_4 months later_

“Are you ready love?” Louis asks running his hands over the smooth fabric of Harry’s suit. He looks so beautiful even now when he is chewing on his lip and Louis knows how nervous he is, this is big, they have lived to this day, this is the day of everything coming clear, the day when Harry officially shows off his face to public again and speak and explain and be himself.

Over the last 4 months they have planned Harry’s return. After all of them went to spend weekend at Harry’s parents’ house they sat down and talked what to do next and how to do it. It all started slowly, a sudden tweet from Harry’s official twitter was when it began. It was just a simple “[ _Hi_](https://31.media.tumblr.com/892b09e6082f3bbf5d61285b640f4700/tumblr_inline_n9fwpqU8J41sxi05v.jpg)” and that was enough to get everyone’s attention, even more that than. When everything went silent again and the rumours that it had to be somebody from management as their marketing trick of some kind they made the next step. This time it was a photograph where [Harry was wearing his black hat and sunglasses](https://31.media.tumblr.com/7a340f7bafdcdd513d0000f3c24358fe/tumblr_inline_n9fwqkdday1sxi05v.jpg), just walking on the street, Zayn posted it as anonymous person and that’s when all the ‘fun’ started. Some of the fans recognized the place and before they could take it all in, there were more and more pictures of Harry on the street taken by other people and when the question ‘where he has been’ rose they knew it was time.

Harry is just freaking out. Faintly he can hear the snaps of photo cameras, people talking over each other and TV presenters filming their introduction to this press conference where Harry comes out.

He isn’t going to tell everything just a glimpse of why and where. They have come up with the story that Harry’s parents knew all along where he is heading and where he was all those five years. They aren’t mentioning or blaming Harry’s used to be management at all, they are turning this story as Harry’s escape to come in peace with himself and how he didn’t want anyone to bother him in his healing process. That’s why he disappeared and that car they found wasn’t really his, it was just a shadow to cover all of that. He feels sorry for lying, but there is no way he is going to tell all those reporters and journalist the true story. He knows how bad they can turn it against him, make him take all the blame and he doesn’t need that, he doesn’t need any of that.

From time to time he still logs on his secret account; it’s on the days when he feels like he needs a break. He never thought that it would be that crazy once he is back, but it was, so it really helps.

“Yeah, I think I am” Harry says breathing out. He wraps his hands suddenly around Louis and just breathes him in, he always have calmed him and he is glad that Louis is here, here with him when he thinks he couldn’t do it at all and he wouldn’t be here if not Louis. “I love you” he whispers in his hair placing a kiss there.

“I love you” Louis responds and hugs him tighter.

“Excuse me, Harry Styles we are ready for you” a voice comes behind them and Louis sighs, because he really doesn’t want to let go and he can feel that Harry doesn’t want as well.

He does it somehow and before Louis lets Harry disappear behind the curtain he draws him in the kiss, whispering against his lips “Good luck”.

Harry can feel the nervousness vanish at the words and it’s not long after when he has given Louis a look much too long when he splits the curtain and slowly, accompanied by cameras snaps, stands in front of these people to tell his story.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooh here we are, just the epilogue left and this journey is over *sad face*
> 
> can promise it will be up and running in next few days x
> 
> Thank YOU so much again and again for the lovely comments and kudos and even if you just run through it and close coz it's so bad xD oh geee thanks, thanks, thanks xxxxx
> 
> you know you can meet me at [arrow-to-my-heart](http://arrow-to-my-heart.tumblr.com/) :D
> 
> let me know how it feel? :)


	14. Chapter 13: Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so so sorry for making you wait this loooooong :(  
> it couldn't be posted earlier bcoz last week was so crazy! starting off with my birthday on monday and friends wedding after that, but epilogue is finally here!! yay for that! :D

 

_It’s been two years since I’m back as Harry Styles. I won’t lie the first year was the most difficult year of my entire life. After I came out all I saw on the newspaper covers was articles about me, they still write anything they can find and sometimes I wonder when it will stop? When it will be enough?_

_Two years ago I would worry about all that, but now, I have more important things to worry about. I have Louis and Louis has me and both of us have made a family. We have a daughter Darcy, adopted year ago, she was 4 when we got her and I wouldn’t be happier. Although she was already 4 when we brought her home she still weirdly resembles both of us. Most of the time she is quiet just like me and she likes to draw, a lot, but hers attitude is all from Louis, God, sometimes I think Louis is much to handle, but add to that Darcy and here we go, my life can’t be boring at all now. She is sweet, the sweetest child I would ever wish for._

_Our second child is David; we adopted him few months after we brought Darcy home. He was three months old then, as we wanted to raise him by ourselves and now he is 2, since June, and Darcy’s birthday approaching in November. Louis says that he looks like me, dark, already slightly curly hair and dimples, but he’s got Louis’ blue eyes. He already shows a lot of interest in football, just like Louis, both of them are my favourite boys in our family._

_Life’s been great ever since I came out and sometimes I think that, if I would have left that day, went back to Singapore, where would I be without Louis and kids? I believe I would still be sitting in those four walls, with Zayn as my only friend and feeling miserable. Would I change anything of what happened past two years and even after I came back to UK? No, nothing at all._

“When are they going to stop calling me like that?” Harry mumbles from the couch holding a newspaper in his hands, frown on his face as he reads yet another article about him.

“Call what babe?” Louis questions from his position next to him with a quick glance. He has allowed himself to play FIFA, well, he is playing with Harry, but he hasn’t touched the controller from his lap ever since he saw todays paper laying on the table, so Louis is winning obviously, it’s not that he wouldn’t win anyway with Harry playing or not.

“Former boy-bander Harry Styles, who returned after 5 years of his disappearance, has co-written songs for 5 Seconds of Summer, which we know he was part of and plan to collaborate with them again for the next album. A source close to the band says that Harry might be their opening act on their 3rd world tour.” Harry reads impersonating reporters voice, “It’s not a secret that after a year of coming home from his little break in Singapore Harry Styles has started his own career as singer/songwriter, but he has decided to keep it low, as the huge success back in the days were a reason for his disappearance, blah, blah, blah…” He sighs shrugging his shoulders. “Where they even get this from?” he asks looking at Louis.

“From their sources,” Louis answers putting the air quotes around word “sources”.

Yes, half of that would be true, Harry has started to write his own songs and collaborating with few artists here and there, but no, he hasn’t started to perform on his own or made a career out of it. That’s the second popular topic Harry has heard about himself, well, after the return form Singapore that is. Talking about the opening act, that was just a joke Ashton threw out when they were writing few songs together and that’s all what it was, a joke. Harry thought and still thinks that it would be wrong to go on tour with his old band mates, he still feels a little unsure when he meets up with them or when they come to Louis games, he wouldn’t do that, he would feel like he uses them and that’s not what starting new means, does it?

“I just wonder how many people actually does believe it and I don’t want to get their hopes up or something,” Harry says with yet another sigh, “what if they buy tickets thinking that I will be there or I don’t know, that would be so unfair to them”.

“Hey,” Louis says placing controller at his side and focusing on Harry. ”Look at me babe,” he continues lifting Harry’s chin with his fingers, “fuck them, okay, you should already let go of all that bullshit, look what we have now, look what _you_ have now and that’s important,” he finishes just as little feet stomp into the room.

“DADDYY!! PAPA!” a little girls’ voice breaks them apart and their faces instantly splits into a grin. “What does bollocks mean?” she questions to no one in particular and Louis notices how much paler Harry becomes, he’s never been good at lying and he knows that this is a question for Louis to explain, as far from truth better.

“Tell me first where did you learnt it Bug,” Louis questions at the same time when Niall emerges from the hallway carrying David and Louis doesn’t need to even guess where she got that from. She carefully crawls in the small space between Harry and Louis, and leaning towards Louis she whispers “uncle Niall said that when old lady at the store said they don’t have any cotton candy left. That’s bollocks Suzy, how can you not have any?” she giggles trying to impersonate Niall’s Irish accent.

“Oh did he?” Louis questions loud enough and looks at Niall who smiles sheepishly trying to hold David, who tries to get out of his hands.

“I didn’t even notice how that came out of me mouth Louis, I swear” Niall says and hands David over to Harry, who already has stood from the couch to take their son.

“You say that every time they have been at yours and you bring her home with new learnt words, Ni” Louis says trying to look serious, but both of them know he acts that just for Darcy.

“Then get your own bloody dog“, Niall starts and covers his mouth with hand realising his mistake, he looks over at giggling Darcy and then to Louis shocked face. “Sorry, sorry” Niall says backing away and disappearing into the kitchen.

Louis can’t really be mad about that and all the things he is about to say disappears from his mind when he looks over at his daughter, who is weirdly lying on the couch and laughing at the sight before her. She is like a magnet on every new word she hears now and not once she has come back from Niall with new words, bollocks isn’t that bad if he has to think about it, few weeks ago she heard Niall say _tosser_ and that one was like a lightning stroke to both, Harry and Louis, but there was nobody to tell her not to use it on anyone who came over, like Harry’s mother. Louis will never forget Annes’ face expression when she was teaching David to write letter ‘D’ and Darcy clapped her hands excitedly when he did and yelled “ _Tosser David, tosser, tosser_ ” and all because Harry explained her that tosser is a nice way to say ‘well done’ or if somebody does a good work, like seriously? Harry isn’t allowed to explain any Niall learnt word anymore, unless it’s good natured.

He looks over where Harry is standing next to Niall with their son in his hands. Harry is trying not to smile but he fails miserably when David tries to pinch his cheeks with his little fingers, digging them into his dimples. Harry blows his cheeks like two balloons and when the little one slaps on his cheeks he lets the air out and that’s when David laughs with a squeal, it so amusing to him and Louis swears he could burst like Harry’s cheeks from love towards them.

“Papa, I'm hungryyyyyyyy" Darcy wines shrugging hers shoulders and Louis has to suppress his smile, because Harry always tells Louis that she is so much like him, when all Louis sees is her behaving like Harry, in this moment he would completely agree with Harry.

"Let’s ask Daddy if he can make something before the game, shall we?" Louis asks already standing up and reaching his hand out for Darcy to hold, "say pretty please, okay" he adds with a wink.

"Daddyyyyyyy" she whines scrunching her eyebrows and making her best pout, "I’m hungryyyyyyyyy, will you makes us something?" She asks holding onto Louis hand and pulling him closer where they stand, this time David has shown his interest in Harrys curls, his hands tangled in them and when Harry turns his head to look at Darcy he tugs making Harry wince in pain, but he finds it funny, tugging once more with a giggle to get that expression on his dads face again.

"What my little Princess would like?" Harry asks trying to untangle David’s hands out of his hair.

"Hmmm" she says acting like she has to think about it, "can we bake cookies?" She asks and David excitedly starts to shout "cookies, cookies, cookies".

"We don’t have that much time for that Bug," Louis says and hers face falls at that.

"Hey come here," Harry says and kneels to be on hers level, "what about after the game Princess? We make some sandwiches now and after we get home we bake cookies, what do you say about that?" He asks and David looks from his face to Darcy’s and back, like they would have the most serious conversation ever.

“Promise?” Darcy asks still looking a little sad.

“Promise,” Harry says and reaches out his hand holding his pinkie for her to do the same. She grins and intertwines hers small finger with Harry’s for promise, but it doesn’t last long when David slaps Harry’s cheek again saying “Dada pomis” and they burst out laughing.

“Go on Bug or Niall will eat all of the chicken for your sandwich” Louis says and Darcy literally runs to the kitchen, she knows Niall well too good now, to know that Louis isn’t joking.

Harry stands still holding David on his hip with one hand and with other he sneaks it around Louis waist to pull him closer, “ready for your game, love?” he asks smiling, David has his little hands trying to reach for Louis.

“Yeah, yeah I am” Louis responds smiling to himself at the way David’s little fingers wrap around one of his, “are you?” he lifts his gaze to look into Harry’s greens and by the way there is a deep line between Harrys brows he knows he understands what he meant by that.

Harry nods, his curls bouncing and he forces a smile breathing a quiet “Yes”.

“Don’t worry about me babe, just enjoy the game,” Louis says like it would be the simplest thing right now, “I’ll be fine, no,” he starts looking at Harry and then at David, holding his little hand and placing a soft kiss on it, “if all of you are there I’m more than fine” he finishes with a smile watching how his son squealing tries to escape his hand when Louis jokes to bite it.

“You know how much I love you, right?” Harry says and Louis makes a face like he has to think about it.

“I think… I do” Louis answers, he still smiles, his cheeks already hurting.

“Good, now come here” Harry says and pulls him closer for a chaste kiss as much as he can with David in his hands. It still somehow makes Harry weak in his knees when he has to kiss Louis, it’s always like the first time and he knows there isn’t any other person in the world he would like to kiss like Louis. There isn’t any other thin, yet soft lips like he does, no one would make him feel like he makes Harry feel.

“I wuv you” suddenly David says, wrapping his small hands around both of their necks and kissing each on the cheek, squeezing his face between both of them. They chuckle at him, at how adorable he can be.

“Papa and daddy love you too pumpkin,” Louis coos at their son taking him from Harry’s hands, “we better get going or there won’t be any chicken left” he says and three of them follows the track where their daughter run few minutes ago.

***

“Everyone have their seatbelts on?” Louis asks looking at the backseat, where their son and daughter sit. Darcy nods, already too busy in her newest picture book and David throws his teddy bear at Louis, which hits him straight in his face, “I take that as a yes” he says with a laugh picking up the bear and turning around in his seat.

There are few fans outside their house and when they leave Harry honks at them waving his hand, smile on his lips; all Louis can do is roll his eyes, because this isn’t anything new. That year when Harry came out somehow few fans found where he lives, but they got the house wrong. So one day when Louis came home from the shop they were standing at his parking lot and when Louis asked them what they are looking for they shyly answered Harry. Well, all Louis did was saying that Harry doesn’t live here, and he didn’t tell lies, that was Louis’ house, just because Harry’s was next to him doesn’t mean he would say it. They left of course, Louis hearing a faint ‘I told you so’ coming from one of the girls. But their happiness didn’t last for long, they came back next week, twice as more, Harry barely keeping Louis from going out and making them leave, he was ready to say few harsh words, Harry took it upon himself to go out and talk, and after few pictures and a little chat they left, promising not to bother again.

Last year when Zayn moved out and in with Niall, that was shock to all of them, because they always act like there was nothing between them when all of them hung out, but they kind of knew, because not once Zayn was in Niall’s clothes or Niall in Zayn’s, so when they told they move in together they were taken aback by that, just a little but it was shock nevertheless. The next moment though, all Louis knew was himself moving in with Harry. It was no questioning at all really, most of his stuff was at Harry’s anyway and he spent every night there, and he didn’t really wanted to stay at his house, it was cold and every time Louis step a feet in it, he felt like he takes a step back in his past and his past wasn’t a place he would want to be. Harry’s and now also his house is his present and future, there is laughs and happiness, love and cheerful mornings, and if anyone ever cries it’s because of sad movie, too much laughing or one of their kids having a daily cry of broken toy or something they would want, but can’t get. Even in the rainy days it feels like they have their own sun shining in all of the rooms, brightening up the day. It’s never quiet in their home, just when the night falls and leaves everything peacefully quiet.

This is place where Louis sees and always has dreamt to see himself in. It’s his little paradise with all of the people he loves in it, his safe heaven with two little angels and a man who owns his heart and soul.

“I should have known you are going to dress him up like that,” Louis says when they are few minutes into driving to the stadium where his game will take place, he looks over at their son which is dressed all in blue, just like his own uniform sitting in his bag.

“He is always team Louis, my two favourite boys” Harry says cheerfully throwing a quick glance at Louis.

“Always,” Louis smiles at his words, because he shouldn’t be surprised that David matches his colours again. Last game it was red with white, just as his kit and now it’s blue, “some things never change” he adds playfully hitting Harry on his arm, “why aren’t you matching?” Louis asks eyeing Harrys simple, black sport jacket and pants.

“I’m team Darcy, right Darc?” he asks looking at her in rear view mirror, all she does is grins with a ‘yes’ and goes back to her book.

“As long as it’s not an opposite team, I’m okay with that” Louis mocks and he already can see the stadium high walls peeking over the few houses and trees, “almost there” he adds.

“Yeah,” Harry breathes, his hold on the wheel tightening. Louis of course notices that and brings his hand on Harrys shoulder so softly play with his curls. Harry instantly leans a little in his touch and visibly relaxes.

“It’s not my first game, you know” Louis almost whispers, just for Harry to hear.

“I know, I just can’t help it Lou” Harry says and smiles a weak smile, “you can’t tell me just don’t worry, because I will always worry Lou, it is what it is,” he adds and when he stops at the stop sign he uses the moment to look at Louis. “I know it’s stupid, because obviously you have come a long way since you play again, but every time I see you on the pitch it’s… what’s so funny?” Harry frowns when Louis chuckles at his words.

“Nothing babe, you’re just too good to be true, that’s all. I love you okay, stop worrying or at least try not to so much, yeah?” Louis says and playfully pinches Harry’s cheek when he nods and smiles, his dimple showing and proceeds with the driving.

It isn’t long after when they turn into the parking lot. It’s still quite empty, but soon they know it will start to fill up with the cars, everyone coming to watch the game, well, not all of them, usually there are quite a lot fans who come to watch Harry not football and that’s just ridiculous, but anyway, they buy tickets and that’s what counts, right? Even if it gets a little annoying form time to time.

“We are here” Louis cheers turning around in his chair again and David cheers with him, clapping his small hands, big grin on his face, he does look like Louis, just a small version of him. Darcy is close to David’s excitement, as she is older she kind of starts to understand, why there are people stopping them on the streets and sometimes standing by the house, she calls them mocos’, Louis and Harry have a feeling she got that from Niall, as some time ago he used name Crazy Mofos, she might heard it wrong though, so she used it that way, they doesn’t really mind.

Louis is first one to jump out of the car grabbing his duffel with football uniform in it. He opens the door for Darcy and helps her out of it, holding hers hand while he jumps out of the car, “my book, take my book Papa” she says when Louis is about to close the door.

“Aren’t you going to watch me play Bug?” Louis asks reaching in and grabbing the book.

“I will, I will, but it’s so _long_ till that” she pouts a little, she isn’t really a fan to come to games 2 hours early before it even starts.

“There you go,” he hands the book to his daughter and she grins at him pleased with a quiet “thank you”.

When Harry finally settles David on his hip and locks the car they head to the stadium. Already few meters from the door Louis can see a small group of young girls, he sighs squeezing Darcy’s hand a little tighter and rolls his eyes with a “look who’s there H” gesturing at them.

Harry turns his head to the direction where he already can hear a quiet squeals of the small group, they seem noticing them just now. As they come closer the group turns to them and it’s kind of amusing to Louis to see them grinning like that just from the sight of Harry.

“Hello” Harry says as they reach the small group and all of them as one giggle holding folded posters by their feet.

“Hi, hello” they answer all at the same time, “Can you sign these for us, please?” one of them with a dark brown hair and bright green scarf tucked in hers pink jacket asks shyly holding out what seems like a picture cut out from an article, it’s a picture of Harry and Louis.

“Sure,” Harry says stepping closer to the girls and Louis staying few steps behind with Darcy close to him, “What’s your name?” Harry asks settling to write her a small message.

“Tina” she says and Harry looks up at her with a small smile after he has written “ _love from Harry .x”_.

“There you go,” he says handing her the paper back.

“Can we have one from Louis too?” she asks again, sparing a glance behind Harry at Louis.

“Yeah,” Harry says, “Lou, they want one from you too” he adds smiling at Louis face expression; he might think he is good at hiding his surprised expression, but he isn’t.

“Me?” Louis questions and Harry nods, the girl next to him holing to the paper like it’s hers life line, “yeah, okay” Louis says trying to suppress the smile creeping on his lips and coming closer. As soon as he does he frees Darcy’s hand and she instantly wraps both of hers hands around Harry’s leg, hiding hers face against his hip.

“Thank you, thank you so much Louis and Harry. Have a great game” the girl says after Louis has handed the paper back to her.

“Thank you,” Louis says this time smiling without hiding it and he sighs with relief when finally they make their way inside.

“Wasn’t that bad wasn’t it?” Harry asks when they head down the corridors which takes them to pitch.

“That out there was just  a very tiny, small part of all the moco’s you have out there,” he mocks using Darcy’s name for them, “and it was nice that they come for me too, you know” he winks with a laugh.

“You are ridiculous” Harry says attempting to hold back his laughter.

When they finally get on the side lines few people form Louis’ team are already there, warming up and some men all in suits chatting about something near the VIP cabin. Darcy runs after one of the balls, taking it out from the net and quickly runs back setting it by her feet. David gets fidgety by that and Harry has no other choice than to let him on the ground to play with his sister.

“Keep an eye on him Darc” Harry says after them when she takes the ball under hers hand and with other she leads his little brother with her further on the pitch, though he knows he won’t be doing anything else by himself than watching his kids.

“Look at them” Louis says plopping down on the chairs, “I can’t believe how fast they grow, has it really been a year? When I look at them it’s seems so much more” he adds fondly looking at his kids play.

“Sometimes I feel like Darcy has been with us since she was born, you know,” Harry says sitting down as well and placing Darcy’s little bag on the chair next to him.

“She has been she was just waiting for us” Louis says with a smile on his lips. That thought still hits him by surprise every time he thinks about it, he can’t believe he have two kids and Harry. He wouldn’t believe this two years ago, if somebody would say that this is how his life will be, he wouldn’t believe at the time he still was fighting his own monsters.

There seems to have more and more people showing up, filling the pitch and stands. There are more and more fans showing up too and by the time Louis is about to leave to change Zayn and Niall join them with Liam, his little son Sam and Sophia trail behind them. Sam is almost the same age as David, born few months later then when they brought David home.

“Don’t you have to be on the pitch and warming up?” Niall shouts from the distance and hearing his voice Darcy doesn’t think too long before grabbing David’s hand and as fast as they can manage, run over to them, but it’s difficult when all hers little brother does is tries to turn around and see where they left the football ball, waving at it like saying it to follow him, but it doesn’t move and by the time they reach them his cheeks are wet from tears.

“Aww come to Papa,” Louis coos at his crying son, picking him up and trying to calm him, “shhh don’t cry Champ we will get your ball back, okay?” he says hugging him closer to his chest and resting his head on his shoulder.

“Bam, bam” his son croaks out pointing at the ball and they make their way over to get it.

“Getting tired innit?” Liam says as soon as he reaches them too.

“It’s just going to be one of those days,” Harry says sparing a glance at Louis with their son.

“I promised Sam ice cream as soon as we get here, I can take him with me if you don’t mind?” Liam asks turning around to see where Sophia went.

“Sure, that at least would get his mind off of the ball” Harry says appreciating Liam’s offer; he isn’t willing to sit through the game with crying David in his lap just because he won’t be able to kick a ball.

“Daddy! We have to take a picture!” Darcy suddenly shouts running from where she has went with Zayn and Niall to greet some of the team mates.

“Sure we have” Harry smiles. It has become one of their rituals before the games, all the time there has to be a picture before it, that’s one of Darcy’s rules and there are nothing Harry or Louis can do, they isn’t going to say no to her anyway. Harry reaches in Louis bag don’t minding the weird little box in the same pocket where his phone is. “Call Papa, will you?” He says and Darcy runs off to hurry them back on the side lines.

When they finally come back Liam takes David with him for the ice cream and before Louis runs off to change they make their picture. When they have taken at least 10 of them Darcy seems pleased scrolling thought all of them with a wide grin on hers face while Louis disappears to change.

“Daddy will you show this to mocos?” she suddenly says almost shoving Harrys phone in his face, he laughs drawing hers hand back to take a look at one of the pictures.

“What do you want me to call it Bug?” he asks taking the phone from her and opening up the twitter.

“Three monkeys” she says laughing and Harry grins at that, but settles with something simpler.

“Done” he says showing her the tweet, “you like it?” he asks just in case and she nods excitedly.

“When Papa will play?” she asks, almost whining.

“Soon Bug, soon” Harry answers brushing hers soft hair away from face.

The rest of the time they spend going through Darcy’s picture book and Harry listening to hers made up stories, sometimes he feels like he is out of place when Louis is gone for so long, it’s just him and Darcy on the chairs, all around strangers, even Zayn with Niall has disappeared from his view and Liam seems gone for so long like he would be buying out whole ice cream stand for his son and David.

When they are almost through the book and Harry reaches to check the time he finally spots Louis with David in his hands, both of them smiling, coming over to them.

“Look who I found” Louis says as soon as they reach them and Harry thinks he never will stop smiling at the sight of both of them, sometimes it feels like his heart has grown so much bigger than for the normal human, it feels like it does with every moment when he sees a sight like that, both of them happy and snuggled up like that.

“I thought Liam was treating him with the ice cream” Harry says and stands to clean a little chocolate from David’s cheek.

“More like I saved him from another round of it, he looked like he was about to buy whole stand for them,” Louis says and Harry has to laugh out loud at that, because that’s just the thought he was thinking.

“Liam isn’t good influence” Harry says shaking his head, not really meaning it.

“Screeeem” their son chants and just like on queue somewhere in the stands a group of people scream making them to look their way. Harry recognizes them straight away, the girl from outside the stadium are one of them holing up the sign which says “ _Go Rovers! Have a faboLouis Game!_ ” he smiles at it and gestures for Louis to turn around to read it.

“I guess they did come for you after all” Harry says with a cheeky grin.

“Oh they did,” Louis says and when David catches the sight of the ball again Louis can’t resist following it at his sons request.

Harry takes his seat again next to Darcy; she still is looking through the book. He uses the time to just watch Louis on the pitch, smile never leaving his face. David is on the ground now picking up the ball instead of kicking it, and throwing it in the air. It bounces few feet away and he runs as best as he can with his little feet over to it trying to catch. Louis just watches him, grin on his face and his eyes enveloped by crinkles, it’s the best view Harry has ever seen, he feels so much love towards them that he can’t stop his hand from reaching for his phone to memorize the moment, though he knows it will be forever engraved in his mind and heart, this almost feels too good to be true, but it’s true and it’s his to keep.

He decides to tweet it, just because he can and this seems like the moment he want everyone to see, to see how happy they make him, how happy he is to have them.

When the game is about to start they finally go over to their seats wishing good luck to Louis. Although Louis is in the team Harry prefers not to sit in the box. He likes to be out in the open to see him play and not get distracted by other players’ wives or girlfriends voices, that’s why he always occupies a spot few rows from where the team sits and soon he is joined by Zayn, Niall and Liam with his family. They sit ready for the game, Darcy on Harrys left and David in his lap, but his eyes never leaving one player on the pitch.

***

It always like this when Louis is about to go on the pitch, this feeling in his gut, the nervousness about the game. He has overcome his fear, yes, but still there is this little piece still stuck inside of him every time he is about to play, but it dissipates as soon as he takes his position, the feeling that he isn’t alone in it this time always helps, it help when he knows there is Harry, watching him play and there are his kids he isn’t willing to let down, and his friends who has supported him ever since the life changing day. This time though, he knows if he messes up they still will be there he knows that they won’t leave and will love him whatever happens today or any other game. He doesn’t do it just for him, he does it for them.

Louis still remembers that first game when he was back. There was just Harry, but all he needed was just one look to his direction and that was all he needed to go out there and do it. He owned that to himself and he promised on that same day if something happens he won’t give up, he won’t give up even if that’s all he will want. He couldn’t allow doing the same mistake over again, he was better than that, Harry made him better and Harry was there when he spent long nights training and trying to fight his demons through sweat and tears. He was there though it all and Louis is glad he was, he is glad and thankful he didn’t need to do it alone, because he couldn’t, he tried before and it took him nowhere.

He takes a deep breath and takes his position on the pitch. He’s got this, he knows he is and there is no way turning back now or ever.

***

The game is almost over when it happens. Score on the board showing 3-3 for both teams. It gets rougher and rougher for both teams on the pitch, because this game is critical for both sides. Louis hasn’t got in any major attacks and Harry feels relieved, five minutes and the game is over. He kind of can’t wait, he never liked the duration of football games.

The opposite team makes a mistake and Louis team gets the ball, Harry can hear commenters voice I the distance.

 ( _Lucas controlling his manoeuvre, Oliver passing the ball to Smith, he has pass in the outside, but he plays it inside...)_

He watches how Louis runs across the pitch, he runs closer to the goal and when he thinks that his teammate will pass the ball to someone on outside, he doesn’t. He passes it to Louis and when opposite team player tries to tackle him he stops breathing, he even thinks that his heart doesn’t beat anymore. Suddenly it feels like he is watching the game in slow motion, the opposite team player slides in front of Louis, trying to stop the pass, but he jumps up, escaping the tackle, and lands in time to catch the ball and flick it over the goal keeper, and straight into the goal.

(.. _But nooooo he’s got a shot by Tomlinson! That’s one of the greatest goals I’ve ever seen and mightily important goal for Doncaster Rovers. A huge slice of luck draws Doncaster into the lead!)_

Stadium erupts into screams with everyone standing up and Harry has to blink few times to come out of his reverie and breathe again. It’s still tense to see Louis play and somehow he’s the one who always worries now, not Louis. He has long overcome his fear, but Harry is the one who can’t keep calm at the games, but there isn’t a game he would miss anyhow.

(… _He’s got lucky with the first touch, but he’s got awareness, he’s got the ability there to beat Parker with a death little flick by his right foot, open to score for Doncaster, Tomlinson in centre pole position. Ballet like balance Tomlinson, that goal was magical!)_

“He scored, Daddy, he scored!!” Darcy shouts at Harry with excitement and tugs him on his hand to make him stand from where he still sits. He realises that soon enough and stands, clapping too, as much as he can with David in his hands and shouting, big grin on his face, he might become deaf with David squealing in his ears, but he doesn’t care, after all he is used to that. He knows it’s important for Louis and it takes just a second when Louis team mates stops hugging him and their eyes lock into distance. Louis smiles back at him and mouths “I love you” and Harry thinks his face will split into two from smiling so hard, he mouths “I love you more” back at him all the worry disappearing with every breath he takes.

***

After they have said their goodbyes to everyone they finally decide to head home, Louis notices how long this day has been just looking at Harry exhaustion written in his every move. He watches how his kids run to their car across the little car park, hand in hand, happy and cheerful about today’s events, they don’t seem tired at all. He can feel Harry watching them as well, a little smile on his lips, he looks at Louis knowingly and they share a smile too, with bright eyes and their hands intertwined, both of them fitting next to each other so perfectly. Louis couldn’t wish this to be more perfect than it is, he feels happy, so happy he could feed a nation with it. Here like this he understands what family is about and there is nothing he couldn’t conquer without hem, this is his family and that only makes him happier.

When he thinks about it he remembers the small box in his sweats, he reaches hand, which isn’t holding Harry’s, in it and wrapping it in his palm he hears himself saying “Marry me Harry,” and they stop in their tracks, both somehow surprised by the words.

“W-what?” Harry breathes his heart racing.

“Will you marry me,” Louis says again, swallowing around the lump in his throat he pulls the little box out of his pocket, he blinks up at Harry holding it tightly, “You are all I want Haz, all I ever wanted and I love you so much, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, share every moment of it with you and only you, we have family already, we share a house, we have everything we need, so why not?” he adds and by every thought about marrying Harry he feels like he gets drunk, his head getting lighter and lighter by every second.

Harry looks at him for what feels like hours, Louis blinks realising that he didn’t quite catch the words coming from Harrys lips.

“Was it a yes?” he asks just in case.

“Yes Lou, yes, I will marry you, I have always wanted to,” Harry answers, smiling; he leans down and connects their lips in a quick kiss, holding each other close. They retreat and with shaking hands Louis slides the ring on Harry’s finger, they stare at it still holding their hands tightly and at the calling from Darcy they proceed to the car. Louis doesn’t know if he can feel happier than he already is and this will be just another new chapter for them, a chapter he is looking forward to. Being married to the man he loves, and the man who makes him just _that_ much stronger.

_-The End-_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are. hope the epilogue doesn't seem off the track, it does feel like that for me. BUT ANYWAY  
> First of THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU SO MUCH to EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU who been here with me through yet another one of my fan-fics. I must say i really enjoyed writing this, even on the days when i felt like not writing at all and my head was like a huge balloon with nothing, just air in it LOL  
> Sorry if this felt like a short cut or anything for the Louis part, i know it came out like out of the blue in just epilogue :/  
> But thank you, thank you again for your encouraging words and comments through this story, i owe all of you cotton candies on a rainbow!! (makes no sense to me)  
> I'm not sure if i'm going to start any other chaptered fan-fic, because i am moving in September and i don't want to leave it on hiatus once i start, so for now there will be a one-shots here and there and that's why i kind of need your help here :)  
> Iv'e got two ideas [#1](http://arrow-to-my-heart.tumblr.com/ideas) and [#2](http://arrow-to-my-heart.tumblr.com/ideas)  
> let me know which one you would like to see written? or maybe both of them? which first? comment if you like over here or send me message on [tumblr](http://arrow-to-my-heart.tumblr.com/) or [tweet](https://twitter.com/TommoMeStyles/) me if you want :D  
> Hope to see you next time, same place just a different time ;)


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